Dating As A Single Parent – With Match

I’ve been on a somewhat self-imposed dating ban lately. That’s what happens when you break your arm. But I’ve enjoyed the break if I’m honest (the dating one, not the arm one), it gives you time to gain a little perspective and really solidify what you’re looking for in a partner. Because there’s one thing I know, especially the more I watch Love Island, and that’s dating as an older single parent is a lot tougher than dating as a child-free hot 20-something.

 

(Also don’t judge me on the Love Island thing … I do know it’s ridiculous.)

 

As you know, I’ve tried a lot of dating sites and apps but one I haven’t tried before is Match, so I was delighted that they got in touch recently to see if I’d like to try it out and talk about a new babysitting service they’re offering, through childcare provider Yoopies. I know first-hand how tough it is dating when you’re newly single, and your kids are young. It’s hard leaving them, and I only ever did when I knew my children were really taken care of. It’s really important to be able to relax on a first date, and you can’t do that if you’re worried about the kids.

 

 

Any new member or existing Match member will be able to get a date night free with three free hours of babysitting, plus the usual membership fee to Yoopies waived. The offer will be available throughout the whole of the summer, so if you’re thinking about getting back ‘out there’ but maybe babysitting fees are an issue, or you just don’t know where to start when it comes to looking for a babysitter, perhaps this could be a good place to begin.  This offer really makes it feel like Match understands the realities of modern dating and appreciates that single parents face more pressures than most, so this is a definite step in the right direction when it comes to making dating easier for us single parents.

 

I’ve been using Match for two weeks now, and it seems to be the most comprehensive of all apps I’ve tried. I’m a paid member, so I’m able to message people, but even if you’re not a full member, you can ‘wink’ and ‘favourite’ people to show them you’re interested. Although let’s be honest, you’re going to have a much more interesting dating experience if you can actually talk to people!

 

 

The app is particularly user friendly and you won’t need to research how to use it, it’s really simple. I haven’t (yet) found anyone that floats my boat, but I think sub-consciously, I’m a bit nervous about going on a date when I’ve only just stopped wearing my arm brace. I’m in protect mode and now I don’t even look injured, I think maybe I’m concerned about whether to mention it, because I feel it’s only ever put people off in the past. So I think what I’ll do is, maybe in a week or two’s time, I’ll start being proactive and message people I like the look of. What’s the worst that can happen? Someone will either say no thanks, or just ignore you – it’s really no big deal.

 

I’m lucky that I’m finally, this year, at the stage of dating where I don’t have to worry about babysitting for Dexter because he’s 14, but there were many years when I did, and it’s really nice to think that a dating site actually understands how difficult it is for us parents, and they’re trying to do something to make the process easier for us.

 

 

I may report back in a few weeks’ time to let you know how I’m getting on, but in the meantime, if you haven’t tried Match before, take a look and let me know what you think.

 

We could even double date.kate sutton

 

For more information visit: https://uk.match.com/pages/free-babysitting-for-a-date/

Match is  currently are offering 3 free babysitting hours via a service called Yoopies. Any new or existing Match member will be able to get a date night free with three free hours of babysitting, plus the usual membership fee to Yoopies waived. The Yoopies premium membership is valid for 2 months after being credited on the account.

* This post is in collaboration with Match.

How To Use Cushions To Style Your Bedroom

There is no such thing as too many cushions, fact. Some may disagree, but they’re wrong, and no matter how many times my son comes home from uni and says, “Do we really need more cushions Mum?”, the answer is always a resounding yes. And nowhere more do you need lots of cushions than in the bedroom.

 

I work a lot in my bedroom, on my laptop, at all times of the day, and so for me, my bedroom is also often my office, so I like to use cushions to prop me up in bed. Sometimes I’m on a gentle recline, reading, but other times I need to be sat upright. So you see, cushions are more than ornamental, they’re also incredibly practical.

 

However, that doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice practicality for style and there are a lot of funky and retro cushions out there that can really brighten up your bedroom:

 

simply cushions NZ

 

simply cushions NZ

 

simply cushions NZ

 

You can get ideas online but start by thinking what theme you want. Boho? Scandi? Classic? Minimalist? Whatever your décor scheme, cushions can only serve to highlight your chosen scheme. Add a cushion to a chair in the corner, or place them against your headboard, but think about pairing different textures, shapes and sizes to bring interest into the room. Pair a geometric pattern with natural wool for example, and the contrast when placed together is stunning.

 

You can’t beat the crisp elegance of a white bedroom, but by changing your cushion covers regularly, perhaps according to the season of the year, it’s an inexpensive way to modernise your room and keep it up-to-date. But don’t skimp on the quality of your cushions … you spend a long time in bed and you want your cushions to last, so buy the best that you can afford.

 

And finally, there’s no golden rule when it comes to cushion styling, and it will change depending on your mood, your style of bedding and the size of your bed. But have fun playing around with different cushions until you find the style you like.

 

kate sutton

My Body Is Fighting To Regain Its Weight … And That’s OK

I received another comment this week on the blog post I wrote last year about why I stopped following Slimming World. And it got me thinking. Thinking whilst also eating a fruit tart in the sunshine I should add. What is my relationship with food like right now? And why is my body fighting to regain the weight it lost?

 

I’ve put weight on, perhaps understandably, since I broke my arm, as I can barely walk to Tescos without an assortment of aches and pains, but moving less isn’t the only reason. Yes, I have eaten what is easy to make, buy or eat, but I’ve comfort eaten because I’ve been so bloody miserable and I’ll be honest, I’ve spent a lot of time in bed eating chocolate (see also: assorted crap.)

 

My weight has been the least of my priorities and other things have taken precedence. Like growing new bone. But you know what? It’s been a bloody relief. Breaking my arm has given me a reason/excuse to not have to think about my weight for once. Bit like being pregnant, no one is going to judge you if you’re putting weight on because you’re laid up in bed with a major broken bone are they? I’m bombarded with messages on a daily basis that it’s not OK to be overweight and it … is … exhausting.

 

So much of my life has been wrapped up in thinking about how much I weigh. Each time someone doesn’t swipe right on me, I’m convinced it’s because I’m too fat. If I don’t get a job, it’s because I’m too fat. I’m not as successful as I want to be, because I’m too fat. When I look back at some before photos on Instagram when I lost four stone, I am conflicted. I’m proud that I put my mind to something and achieved that to some extent, but it was really easy to get carried away with all the positivity that was being given to me for weighing less and less each week. My worth was wrapped up in how much (or rather, how little) I weighed on the scales.

 

And at the time I loved it. People were lovely to me, said such nice things about how I looked, but that put an inordinate amount of pressure on me. Or rather, I put that pressure on myself. I was honest about the times I didn’t lose weight, and would beat myself up for it and vowed to do better next week. I would get butterflies in my stomach days before weigh-in, second-guessing myself, trying to think about everything I ate that week, pressure, pressure, pressure.

 

I looked good, and I felt good because my jeans fit and men noticed me.

 

But that is a high standard to maintain and, after 18 months, I think it just got a bit too much for me.

 

A lot of people think that being fat is the worst thing in life you can be. And I found that out the hard way on some dating sites, but you only need to look at the Twitter feeds of plus size influencers to know that fat phobic abuse is widespread. How strange to be so offended by someone just because they happen to have a bit more flesh than you. Bizarre isn’t it? I had to stop reading many Facebook threads that were body positive because I just knew most comments would follow the predictable rhetoric of, “Well, she can’t truly be happy that size,” or, “She can’t be remotely healthy.” It’s exhausting reading that bullshit all the time.

 

And, my favourite:  “Why doesn’t she just eat less and move more?”

 

If losing weight was that simple, there would be no diet industry. That’s why I wrote that blog post about why I stopped following Slimming World in the first place because I could see how easy it would be to just get caught up in a lifelong cycle of losing weight, gaining weight… then losing weight again. I should know, I was on the Cambridge Diet aged 12.

 

weight gain

 

I’ve always been a big girl, I love food and I have a 5ft 9” frame, but I do believe that there are also deep-rooted reasons why I don’t have the healthiest of relationships with food, and I just got to the point where it was that that I needed to address.

 

So that’s what I’ve done, and continue to do. I’m now talking about things that happened in my past that I’ve never talked about before, and as much as I don’t expect to wake up one day and be a size 10, I do think that if I’m happier in my soul and heart, everything else will just fall into place. That might mean I lose weight, but it might not. It might mean that I’m happy just as I am.

 

I’ve always exercised, even at my fattest, and when I get discharged by the hospital, I’m looking forward to seeing how my body feels about exercise. I have steak and salad to look forward to for dinner tonight, followed by strawberry and Prosecco trifle. Because that’s just what I feel like eating. And quite frankly, I’m 47 years old, and I’m sick and tired of being told I have to look or be a certain way. I will decide what to do with my body. Another thing this arm break has taught me is that my body is incredible. OK, I have a big tummy and an incredibly hairy right underarm, but MY BODY GREW NEW BONE GODDAMMIT! How amazing is that? And I vow to appreciate that every day. But being healthy mentally is just as important as the physical, and I think having that approach, looking after both aspects of yourself, is what true happiness is about.

 

And for the first time in months, I’m really looking forward to the future.

kate sutton

Small Joys

A very old friend of mine had a serious accident a few weeks ago. She was hiking in California, as you do, slipped off a boulder, broke her pelvis and ankle and was alone in the sweltering heat for four days. (And if she doesn’t make this into movie, I will.) Anyway, the reason I mention her, is because although my recent injury #BrokenArmWoes didn’t occur through something quite as dramatic as hiking through the desert … although tripping in a dark alleyway chasing a boy was dramatic in its own way … I could totally relate to her recent tweets about finding the joy in the smallest of things.

 

Because when you are laid up with a broken bone/multiple broken bones, you have time to think. About what happened, about where you are in life, and about what the future is going to look like. I know that sounds dramatic when you think I only broke my arm, but trust me, it’s been one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. When I replied to Claire’s tweet, it made me think about what I have been grateful for lately.

 

1. Peanut butter on crumpets

Of course I would start with a food–based joy. Peanut butter, crunchy of course, was a staple food growing up but I fell out of love with it years ago and have no idea why it’s back in my life. I only know that I’m glad it is. And I think what makes it taste even sweeter is that, eight weeks after my injury, I can just about spread the butter on my crumpet (not a euphemism.) But when I cut anything with my right hand, I have to use my left hand on top as a support, but I somehow manage it … you’d be amazed at how you can always find a way when it comes to food.

 

 

2.  Having my hair washed and styled

I mentioned before that my nieces very kindly washed my hair each week in the early days, when I couldn’t even leave the house. It was a painful process for all involved (as I’m sure they’ll attest to), especially because I have such a small bathroom and I really wasn’t very bendy in those first few weeks. But we managed, and I’m very grateful, but I appreciate how busy they are and now that I am able to walk on my own, I decided to go to a local hairdressers so that they could wash and blow dry my hair every week. I can’t tell you what a massive treat this is for me. When you’re laid up in bed for weeks on end, you never really feel properly clean because you can’t soak in the bath for an hour and you definitely can’t wash your hair, so to come out of the hairdressers looking human again has really helped my recovery. It’s expensive though (I have a lot of hair!) but I’d love to be able to find a way to carry on having it done weekly.

 

 

3.  One-way water fight

We’ve been blessed with some lovely weather lately and I am tanning up nicely just from sitting down and working in the garden. And I really enjoy and appreciate that 10 minutes of each day after Dexter comes home from school, where we just sit and chat in the garden, before the Xbox gets turned on and before I have to go back to work. And because the weather was so nice last week, we decided to have a water fight – except it was just me spraying him with the hose. It was his idea, I’m not that cruel, he just needed cooling down, but it was lots of fun and reminded me that I’m lucky to have such a great relationship with him.

 

4. The Good Fight

Anyone that ever watched The Good Wife, will be able to understand why I’ve been in mourning for months after finishing that series… especially after such a shockingly bad ending. And I’ve been trying to find the sequel, The Good Fight, ever since. And I finally found it on Amazon Prime. Because my social life consists of going to Tescos, I need to find ways to entertain myself at home so this is something to get me teeth into. (Edit: I’ve now finished it and they don’t have series two waaaaaah!!!)

 

5. Wearing a bra

I’ve been bra-less for two months. In principle, that sounds like a luxury, but in reality, especially for someone as ‘blessed’ up top as me, it’s just been downright painful. No amount of talc has been able to make it comfortable. I tried getting a bra and a bikini top on and it just wasn’t happening. Until last week. It takes me ages and I have to swivel it round my waist one-handed, and I can only just about get the strap over my broken arm, but it’s some semblance of support and it means I’m not sore anymore … and less people stare at me bouncing around Tescos. It’s also meant I can wear cardigans like a normal person, and not like Superman.

 

 

There are a lot more small joys that I’m grateful for, and they increase as each week passes and I am becoming more like myself again. It’s good to remind myself that joy can be found in the smallest of things and life is something that I would never take for granted again. 

kate sutton

How To Use Clocks To Modernise Your Home

When I moved into my current rented house, I had very little. No sofa, no TV cabinet, a dining table I got in the ‘seconds’ section of Homebase and chairs I bought online that I put together myself. But over the years, I’ve added a few touches to this house that make it feel more like my own home.

 

I’ve written before about the ways in which you can prepare your lounge for spring, but one thing I didn’t mention was the use of clocks, like these from Purely Wall Clocks:

 

purely wall clocks

purely wall clocks

 

From über modern digital style clocks, to old-fashioned, mahogany clocks for the sideboard, you can find a style of clock to suit any room in your house. Not to mention a kitchen clock, of course, is a practical way to ensure you don’t burn your dinner! But maybe consider hanging the clock in a corner to save space in the kitchen.

 

Clocks also look great when displayed on empty walls and can really make a statement in a minimalist-styled room, especially when using over-sized clocks. You can, of course, think outside the box and choose an unlikely spot specifically to make the clock stand out.

 

purely wall clocks

purely wall clocks

 

If, like me, you’re not in a position to make major decorating changes in your home, consider using different styles of clocks to bring personality to each room. It’s inexpensive, stylish and easy, and clocks are such a timeless decorative element so you can find a style to suit any décor scheme. Why not replace wall art in your bedroom with an oversized clock hanging above the headboard, or keep it subtle with a smaller clock on placed elegantly on a bookshelf.

 

However you choose to style your clock, these functional but beautiful touches will be a wonderful addition to your home.

kate sutton

Love, Broken Arm & Life Update

Hello! Remember me? I’m the one-armed lady that now has a limp to add to her list of ailments. Getting old is grrrrrrreat 🙄 I’m still here, healing away in the background, but thought it was time I put pen to paper (fingertips to MacBook) and give those of you that have kindly still stuck around an update of what’s been going on.

 

So, I’m still a bit broken, but not as much as I was, and that is a massive win. I went to the hospital this week for my second x-ray and it’s fantastic news. The doctor said I’m healing faster than anticipated, there is a lot of new bone growth and when I looked at the x-ray, it looks as if the bone is nearly all back together. It’s definitely not, because I still can’t move my arm a great deal without a lot of pain, but I can see the massive progress I have made and therefore thought it would be a good idea to cry at my consultant. They were tears of happiness and relief though, and he wasn’t phased in the slightest, no doubt used to people crying in his tiny little office.

 

Having to live with bad hairstyles:

 

 

But then get everything fixed at the hairdresser!

 

 

I still have to wear this clunky arm brace for at least two more months, which really does nothing for my summer wardrobe, but I am allowed to take it off for showers now. The only issue with that is that I can’t take it off and put it back on on my own and because it’s quite a convoluted brace, it’s not something I can really ask Dexter to do. So I think if any poor unsuspecting soul comes to my door to try and sell me God or some new guttering, I’m running upstairs for a shower while they’re here and they can help me put the brace back on, whether they like it or not. It’s what Jehovah would have wanted.

 

Itchy AF:

 

 

(I also have a new leg issue that I’m seeing the doctor about and he’s given me some anti-inflammatories to try and sort that out – I’m thinking perhaps it’s just referred pain but I’m quickly running out of limbs!)

 

So that’s the health update really. I start physio next week and, from what I gather, it’s going to be a very painful, but very necessary process. Luckily, my physio is at my local gym and I can just about walk there on my own because, as wonderfully helpful as all of my family are, I still hate asking for lifts anywhere. Taxis are bankrupting me so if I can walk/limp somewhere, I will.

 

I’m obviously still not back at work. It’s quite an arduous drive to my new job, battling a notoriously busy motorway with associated moronic drivers, and I just don’t have enough mobility or strength in my arm yet, so I still don’t know when I will be able to go back. Which is a bit of a nuisance, bearing in mind I’m only on SSP. So funds are tight and it certainly isn’t a case of me not wanting to go back to work. But what can you do? Certainly times like this that I wish I had taken out some sort of insurance policy but no point complaining. (Which is exactly what I’m doing now, the irony.)

 

Weight wise, for those of you that used to follow my Slimming World updates, I’ve put some weight on since I’ve been off work and not able to exercise, but not a great deal and it honestly doesn’t bother me. It’s the least of my problems. This injury has definitely given me perspective and healing a broken bone has definitely taken precedence over losing weight and my focus is, and has been, solely on fixing that. As I mentioned before, I’ve had to cancel my gym membership but I do need to give some thought to what I can start to do going forward. I thought about how I would feel getting back on my bike and decided that scared is probably how I would feel, and that really is my overriding feeling about most things at the moment.

 

 

Even walking to Tescos. There is a patch of broken pavement on the other side of the zebra crossing outside the shop and even though I’m aware of it, I see every day, I’m still paranoid that somehow, in the flattest of my flat shoes, I’m going to trip and re-break my arm again. And I live with that feeling wherever I go, even when I’m at home. Will I somehow trip on the rug that’s by the front door? Will a cushion jump off the sofa and try and trip me up? Does that extra long patch of grass hide a massive pothole that I will fall down? Sounds ridiculous but I have a newfound fear of everything that I need to work hard to overcome, because living scared is not something I’m prepared to do.

 

That whole ‘being scared of grass’ thing aside, my emotions feel quite balanced at the moment. I posted a photo on Instagram yesterday (do come and follow me over there because I post on Instagram Stories most days), and the woman staring back at me in this photo was 100% legit my mum. And she/I (OK, I know this is getting weird) looked at peace. Which is a big thing when you’ve been through quite a few traumatic things in your life. And that’s how I feel at the moment. I am back in therapy and maybe that’s why I feel quite calm at the moment, because everyone needs someone to talk to don’t they? 

 

 

As for my love life (hahahahahahaha, sorry) … but after the disappointment that was Dobby who, by the way, had the absolute nerve to send me a text a week after our second date and the subsequent changing his Tinder bio/ghosting me all week thing, well, suffice to say I haven’t bothered since. Internet dating takes a lot of energy and I have none to spare so I will have the occasional swipe out of boredom, but I’m not talking to anyone at the moment. To be honest, I just don’t feel very sexy. It’s very hard to feel sexy with a big black arm brace on, but I did finally manage to get my bra on for the first time last week and both straps up for the first time yesterday, so this progress has meant that I can hopefully start to wear non-elasticated clothes soon! And that will be a glorious day.

 

So that’s my little life update. I feel like I’m slowly coming out of hibernation and I’m looking forward to joining the real world again soon. Thanks for sticking with/by me.

 

kate sutton

3 Great Places To Eat In Bristol

Hands up who spends every Saturday night looking at Rightmove on their phone. *Raises hands sheepishly.* In my defence, I have no social life and on the rare occasion I do go out, I tend to break things, mainly my bones.

Anyway, now that my eldest lives in the south-west, one of the places I often look at on Rightmove is Bristol. I’ve been there a couple of times before, it’s relatively near to where he lives, and it’s actually one of my favourite places to visit in the UK. I think the rent is on a par with where I live and the food and architecture really are amazing. So much so, I thought I would write about some of my favourite places to eat in Bristol.

In no particular order…

1. Pi Shop

No, I haven’t misspelled this restaurant, and no it doesn’t sell pies. It is, in fact, a pizza restaurant. But we are talking posh pizza. Situated on Lower Guinea Street, we were lucky enough to be sat outside on a sunny day by the river running through the town. Positioned next door to the Michelin starred Casamia, and I think run by the same family, I remembered eating the most delicious pizza with an egg yolk in the middle, all washed down by an ice cold pint of IPA. A little on the pricey side for a pizza restaurant but, in my opinion, well worth it. Contemporary interior, friendly staff, and delicious ice cream for dessert – would definitely go back.

2. The Thali Restaurant

This place was a real find, Indian food with a difference. Thali is the name given to the round platter used to serve food upon, but it is also used to refer to an Indian style mail made up of a selection of small individual dishes. It would be great for my niece who is vegan as there are plenty of dishes to suit everyone. They also so have a massive Masala Dosa, a savoury pancake originating from South India, that was as big as half our table. The food is beautifully presented when it comes to the table, and the Thali Restaurant had a quirky interior with staff that were only too happy to help out with my inane questions about what to order.

3.  Swoon Gelato

And for dessert, the best gelato outside of Italy. Fact.

If you find yourself in Bristol, why not see if you can enjoy deals at Groupon for discounts on some of your favourite restaurants, and enjoy every mouthful – you won’t be disappointed.

 

kate sutton

 

* This is a collaborative post

5 Great Gift Ideas For Father’s Day

It’s Father’s Day this month so I thought I would get in early and do some research for a great present for Dad. My dad is now 77 but is young at heart and has a better social life than I do! (Although that’s not really difficult.) He loves to play golf and darts, and he enjoys the occasional trip to the casino. He loves beer, wine, music and a smart jazzy shirt. With that in mind, here are 5 great gift ideas for Father’s Day this year.

 

1. Beer

I normally buy dad a mixed box of different ales at Christmas – but a beer subscription service, something like Beer 52, would make a great gift. ou can pick and mix your own beers according to taste. Wouldn’t mind that present myself, just FYI.

 

beer subscription

 

2.  Smart shirt

We went out for Dexter‘s birthday on Monday and dad commented on my brother’s shirt so I think I might look for something similar for him. It was blue with a vibrant, white pattern on it, something a little different from your regular checked shirt, and I definitely think Dad could pull it off.

 

3.  Retro record player

Dad has a very eclectic taste in music, his favourite ever band being the Cranberries. Go figure. So when I saw this selection of retro record players from Rock It, I thought that would be really nice present. It’s easier to buy vinyl these days, even Sainsbury’s sell them, and it will be a nice throwback to a simpler time! Check out vintage styles like these ones.

retro record player

 

retro record player

 

4.  Putting green

Dad has a plot of land where he can practice his golf and not disturb anyone but the field isn’t cut as short as a putting green so an indoor putting green would be ideal. He can practice in the lounge whilst watching his beloved Sky Sports and improve his handicap, come rain or shine.

 

indoor putting green

 

5.  Dinner for two

Dad goes out for dinner with his lady friend at least twice a week so I know that if I were to pay for dinner of his choice, or get him a restaurant voucher, it would be put to good use. I know it’s not the most imaginative of presents but when your dad gets to 77, it’s pretty tricky to buy him a present you haven’t already bought him! And who doesn’t like good food?

 

And talking of food, I hope that’s given you some … food for thought (sorry). What are you buying your dad for Father’s Day this year?

 

kate sutton

Dating Dobby – The Finale

For those that have been following my recent dating story, I thought I would give you an update. If you want to catch up with who this guy is, you can read about him here. And of course, because it’s me, suffice to sat this didn’t quite end how I had anticipated.

 

A brief catch up. Had a first date that went well, he didn’t ask for a second date so I went against my gut instinct and asked him instead. He said yes, and Monday night was said date. He picked me up and suggested we go down by the dockside as there are plenty of restaurants to choose from. He smelt good, he’d had a shave and had clearly made an effort… and you would only do that if you were interested in someone surely? (Correct, and don’t call me Shirley.) Conversation was easy, we had to get over the whole awkward ‘can you put my seatbelt on for me’ thing, but he took the whole broken arm/be my carer situation well and it didn’t seem particularly awkward, but it did highlight the fact that right now, I don’t feel particularly sexy and I’m definitely not on my A game.

 

To cut a long story short, we went for dinner, he offered to pay (but I did only have Halloumi fries #HealthyEating), we then went next door for ice cream, which I paid for, and went back to the car and he took me home. A quick peck on the lips and he said, “I’ll text you.“

 

Narrator: “In fact, he never texted her again.“

 



On the date there was no body language from him that would indicate he was remotely attracted to me. He didn’t ask me any questions about me or my life and as ‘pleasant’ (yawn) as the evening was, there was definitely no real spark there at all. In fact, from the outset, I should never have asked him out on the second date because I haven’t been remotely moist at all ever since we met.

 

But here is why I did. Firstly, you guys told me to haha. And there is a lot to be said for taking control of a situation when the other party won’t. I took the bull by the horns, rather than sit back and wait for someone else to, so it was an interesting experiment if nothing else. And secondly, for want of a better phrase, the pond I fish from is very small and gets even smaller as the years go by. On paper, this bloke was the right age, lived locally, good job, seemed normal, was mildly amusing and didn’t seem like an absolute freak. Do you know how rare that is? Seriously. The single people amongst you reading this will understand what I mean… it’s like finding the actual Holy Grail. Chemistry and whether you actually like that person aside, to find someone that is a ‘good catch’ is like finding a KitKat that is all chocolate and no wafer.

 

So once our paths crossed I felt almost obliged to see it through because blokes like that are so few and far between.

 

Anyway, as I said, he never text that night, nor the next morning and I was more than happy not to see him again. The feeling was clearly mutual but here is what grinds my gears.

 

Why not just tell me? I’m a big girl, I can take it. Just text and say I had a nice time but you’re not my jam. I’m 47, I’ve been through worse situations and would much rather a bloke had the balls to be honest about his feelings. But it seems like such an incredibly hard thing for a lot of people to do. I’ve done it before, told someone that I didn’t want to date them anymore, and yes their feelings were hurt but I’m sure he soon got over it. Could/should I have text him and told him I wasn’t feeling it? I’ve been the one calling the shots from the beginning so I think I had just had enough and got the point where I felt his feelings were clear and quite frankly, I couldn’t be bothered anymore.  But to just fade away/ghost me is so cowardly and on top of that, this is what he did the next morning.

 

He changed his Tinder bio. I went on Tinder because I was curious to see whether he would be passive and aggressive and just unmatch me but instead, his bio suddenly changed to that of a woman’s. It was very peculiar. Initially, I wondered if he had been hacked, then it looked like he’d copied it from a woman’s profile, I’ll leave a snippet here:

 

 

Bizarre! And then he changed it back to his original profile but here’s the kicker. He amended it to include things we had discussed on the date. In particular, the fact that he likes cooking and baking – that was new to his profile, and talk about cringe, but he even added the word ‘boogie.’ Who even talks like that? The point is, he was clearly still on the hunt.

 

God, online dating is tough. As I said before, and I know you mean well, but please don’t tell me to just meet people in real life. I never do! And as annoying as this episode turned out to be, I’m glad I did it. Being at home with a broken arm is challenging and it was important I didn’t just hide away and re-emerge in the autumn. Like a middle-aged butterfly. I need to find a way to carry on living my life and be as normal as I can, and dating is a part of that, so I feel like I’ve broken the seal so to speak.

 

Would I be proactive and make the first move again? Watch this space I guess – the jury’s still out.

 

RIP Dobby.

kate sutton

‘Meetchu’ – The Latest Dating App

Online dating is tough, you will have seen me share some of my dating highs and lows, and yet I still find myself logging on to one dating app or another every day. Because I remain ever the optimist and believe that 40-something (ahem) is definitely too young to consider myself single forever. So when new app ‘Meetchu’ was launched, being billed as ‘the next Tinder’, I thought I would check it out.

 

meetchu

 

The first thing I noticed about Meetchu was that you can create a video profile introducing yourself, instead of just adding photos. Having fallen victim to meeting people that don’t quite look like their profile photos, I think this is an ingenious addition. Not just from a safety/catfishing perspective, but it allows you to get a real feel for someone immediately. It could save a lot of time. 

 

meetchu

 

As a user, I want a dating app to be uncomplicated … just let me swipe yes or no, look at photos, watch a video profile, and read the bio. And Meetchu is exactly that. But it also includes secure voice and video calling, which is integrated within the app, which means you don’t have to give out your phone number – again, another great security addition that other apps don’t have.

 

meetchu

 

Another great feature is that it allows you to delete the message you’ve already sent. Not just from your phone, but from there as too. So if you’ve rolled out your best joke, but in hindsight thought it was too close to the mark (I may have done this before) you can delete it and start again. Phew!

 

All in all, a few new design features that really add something different to the dating game. Try it and let me know what you think.

 

For more information, go to: meetchu.com.

And download the app using my code to receive one month’s free premium membership:  https://meetchu.com/promo/VTYG

Currently only available in iOs in the UK.

kate sutton