Boobs. Hooters. Jugs. Melons. Bazookas. Tits. The list of nicknames for women’s breasts is endless as men’s fascination with them never seems to cease. As a woman ‘blessed’ with big boobs, I don’t get the appeal. Well, I do. I understand men are visual creatures, and boobs are just so there aren’t they? But it’s just flesh, right? There’s no Page 4 in the Sun for sexy knees. Hugh Heffner doesn’t fill the Playboy Mansion with women who have good shoulders. You get my point.
The morning I turned 13 I woke up and the Boob Fairy had visited during the night and left me a huge pair strapped to my once flat chest. As the male population used to comment as I grew up (sometimes silently, more often not), “bloody hell, look at them.” Exactly what I thought that morning. I don’t remember them appearing gradually. They were always big and I have always wanted smaller ones.
I remember being on my first girl’s holiday abroad at 17 and walking down the street in Ibiza’s San Antonio (classy, I know). I vividly remember wearing white jeans, sandals and a pink halterneck top and by the time I got to the end of the street, I was in tears. Everybody stared. The men wolf whistled or shouted obscenities that everyone, apart from me, found hilarious. I wish it hadn’t bothered me.
I laughed it off as best as I could through the tears but I was never the kind of girl who loved that kind of attention. I didn’t wear short skirts when all my friends did and although not exactly shy, I always preferred to keep myself more covered up.
As the years went on, I got used to the ‘hilarious’ one-liners: “You don’t get many of them to the pound,” being a particular favourite and as I grew more confident, the comments bothered me less.
My mum ended up having a breast reduction operation in her 40’s and, complications aside, it was one of the best things she ever did for herself. The backache and deep, red grooves in her shoulders were gone and she could finally find clothes to fit her. Having seen what she went through, however, I don’t think I’m brave enough to go through it and I’m lucky that I don’t have the same physical problems she did. I always make sure I do chest exercises at the gym because strengthening the muscles underneath is about all I can do to make them look as best as their size will allow.
The battle of Me Vs. Mother Nature is on!!!
So for all the ladies who wish they had bigger boobs, take some heart in knowing that having big boobs isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and well, let’s face it, we’re never happy with what we’ve got so we need to embrace what we do have.
Or get someone else to embrace them for you.