For those that have been following my recent dating story, I thought I would give you an update. If you want to catch up with who this guy is, you can read about him here. And of course, because it’s me, suffice to sat this didn’t quite end how I had anticipated.
A brief catch up. Had a first date that went well, he didn’t ask for a second date so I went against my gut instinct and asked him instead. He said yes, and Monday night was said date. He picked me up and suggested we go down by the dockside as there are plenty of restaurants to choose from. He smelt good, he’d had a shave and had clearly made an effort… and you would only do that if you were interested in someone surely? (Correct, and don’t call me Shirley.) Conversation was easy, we had to get over the whole awkward ‘can you put my seatbelt on for me’ thing, but he took the whole broken arm/be my carer situation well and it didn’t seem particularly awkward, but it did highlight the fact that right now, I don’t feel particularly sexy and I’m definitely not on my A game.
To cut a long story short, we went for dinner, he offered to pay (but I did only have Halloumi fries #HealthyEating), we then went next door for ice cream, which I paid for, and went back to the car and he took me home. A quick peck on the lips and he said, “I’ll text you.“
Narrator: “In fact, he never texted her again.“
On the date there was no body language from him that would indicate he was remotely attracted to me. He didn’t ask me any questions about me or my life and as ‘pleasant’ (yawn) as the evening was, there was definitely no real spark there at all. In fact, from the outset, I should never have asked him out on the second date because I haven’t been remotely moist at all ever since we met.
But here is why I did. Firstly, you guys told me to haha. And there is a lot to be said for taking control of a situation when the other party won’t. I took the bull by the horns, rather than sit back and wait for someone else to, so it was an interesting experiment if nothing else. And secondly, for want of a better phrase, the pond I fish from is very small and gets even smaller as the years go by. On paper, this bloke was the right age, lived locally, good job, seemed normal, was mildly amusing and didn’t seem like an absolute freak. Do you know how rare that is? Seriously. The single people amongst you reading this will understand what I mean… it’s like finding the actual Holy Grail. Chemistry and whether you actually like that person aside, to find someone that is a ‘good catch’ is like finding a KitKat that is all chocolate and no wafer.
So once our paths crossed I felt almost obliged to see it through because blokes like that are so few and far between.
Anyway, as I said, he never text that night, nor the next morning and I was more than happy not to see him again. The feeling was clearly mutual but here is what grinds my gears.
Why not just tell me? I’m a big girl, I can take it. Just text and say I had a nice time but you’re not my jam. I’m 47, I’ve been through worse situations and would much rather a bloke had the balls to be honest about his feelings. But it seems like such an incredibly hard thing for a lot of people to do. I’ve done it before, told someone that I didn’t want to date them anymore, and yes their feelings were hurt but I’m sure he soon got over it. Could/should I have text him and told him I wasn’t feeling it? I’ve been the one calling the shots from the beginning so I think I had just had enough and got the point where I felt his feelings were clear and quite frankly, I couldn’t be bothered anymore. But to just fade away/ghost me is so cowardly and on top of that, this is what he did the next morning.
He changed his Tinder bio. I went on Tinder because I was curious to see whether he would be passive and aggressive and just unmatch me but instead, his bio suddenly changed to that of a woman’s. It was very peculiar. Initially, I wondered if he had been hacked, then it looked like he’d copied it from a woman’s profile, I’ll leave a snippet here:
Bizarre! And then he changed it back to his original profile but here’s the kicker. He amended it to include things we had discussed on the date. In particular, the fact that he likes cooking and baking – that was new to his profile, and talk about cringe, but he even added the word ‘boogie.’ Who even talks like that? The point is, he was clearly still on the hunt.
God, online dating is tough. As I said before, and I know you mean well, but please don’t tell me to just meet people in real life. I never do! And as annoying as this episode turned out to be, I’m glad I did it. Being at home with a broken arm is challenging and it was important I didn’t just hide away and re-emerge in the autumn. Like a middle-aged butterfly. I need to find a way to carry on living my life and be as normal as I can, and dating is a part of that, so I feel like I’ve broken the seal so to speak.
Would I be proactive and make the first move again? Watch this space I guess – the jury’s still out.