For those of you that follow me on Facebook (and if you don’t, rectify that immediately) you will have seen I posted a couple of updates after my date at the garden centre on Sunday with a man who shall be known henceforth as Dobby. (Because we met at Dobbies … geddit?) This post will let you know what happened afterwards but also pose the question, who should make the first move after a date and ask for a second date?


Anyway, Dobby and I really hit it off on Sunday. We managed to make two coffees last three hours as we lost track of time and chatted non-stop. There was also a slice of cake involved, obviously, although the idiots had run out of my favourite, the infamous strawberry tart. Anyway, I digress. He was late turning up, which, as Shania Twain rightly pointed out, didn’t impress me much, but I genuinely think it was a mix-up of the times and he was suitably mortified, so I graciously forgave him. Plus, he bought me cake so I was easily swayed.


We sat in the garden of the cafe and the sun was shining. I had worried about what I could wear that would make me look less like the geriatric lady I feel like with this stupid broken arm, managed to step into a black vest dress and put a denim shirt over my shoulders, a la Supergirl. My best friend came round to help me not poke a mascara wand into my eyes and put dry shampoo into my hideously greasy hair. I looked glorious. Well, passable.


Anyway, the date went really well, the only downside being he has quite young children which is not really my jam because mine are ‘off my hands now’ (just meaning they don’t need me so much) and I feel like I’m entering a different phase of life to him, but it’s early days and not something I really need to worry about at the moment. He was due to play football after our date and I was conscious that he’d be late, so several times I said, “Do you need to leave yet?“ And he kept saying, “No it’s fine,I’m happy to stay… so I got the feeling he liked me at the very least.


We were both busy after our date so didn’t chat until the evening when he sent me a brief text to say he hoped I got home safely and that he had a really nice time. I replied with something similar. And that was that.


We didn’t chat again that night and by the next morning, he still hadn’t asked me out for a second date.


Now at this point, I would normally sack him (that’s sack) off and just put it down to ‘we had a nice date but he’s clearly not interested in seeing me again’ type thing. I would never, have never, been the one to say, “Would you like to see me again?“ But I wondered whether it was time I did things differently.


So I posted on my Facebook blog page and asked for everyone’s opinion. Without realising that it would mean having to actually take someone’s advice and not just do what I want. #annoying


Now my question was, “What would you do?“ … insofar as… would you be the first person to text and ask out the other person?


I would say 99% of the people that replied said yes, life is too short and I should just ask him out. And I appreciated everyone’s comments and understood where people were coming from. It’s not that I am into playing games, on the contrary, but I have always thought that if a bloke likes me, he will let me know and ask me out. And if he hasn’t done that, he’s just not that into me and it’s best for me not to make things awkward for either of us.


But I’ve been single for five years … so y’know, maybe it’s time to do things differently. So I took everyone’s advice and asked him out. Words along the line of, “Morning. It would be nice to meet again. What do you think?”




I knew he was at work but could see that he had been online (the wonders of WhatsApp) but that he hadn’t read my message. I’m not even sure how that’s possible but it was several hours, after lunch in fact, until he replied.




He mentioned something like, was I enjoying the sunshine, and yes, he would really like to see me again – this week was difficult, would I be free next week? Mate, I’ve got a broken arm and can’t work, of course I’m free next week. But, obviously I now can’t help but wonder if he would have even bothered texting me had I not done it… But in the end, does it really matter? It will come out in the wash and I will soon know if we really like each other. It’s just foreign territory, that’s all.


I also find it strange that he would want to wait a week… I’m bloody brilliant, he should want to see me immediately LOL. But I get that he sees his kids during the week and he works in London, but going forward, maybe he just won’t have time for a relationship? Time will tell.


We’ve spoken a couple of times since but he’s definitely not a big texter, at least with me, which I think makes me feel a little uneasy anyway. I’m thinking, surely he wants to get to know me? But on the other hand, maybe prefers doing that in person? Anyway, it’s making me hold back because I feel like I’ve put my heart on the line now and I’m just going to see what happens next.


So we are supposedly going out on Monday night. He has offered to pick me up. Double-checked that that wasn’t too weird for me. And to be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if we didn’t talk again until Monday. That is strange though isn’t it? Then I do have a lot of time on my hands and I just want everyone to be at my beck and call lol. I’ve also noticed that he’s been back on Tinder today and if I’m honest I’m second guessing whether I should have listened to my gut instinct and got the hint he wasn’t that bothered, and not text him.


But I guess the moral of the story is that the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result – and applying that to dating. So I’ve really gone out of my comfort zone, done something I don’t think I’ve ever done before, been proactive and … I weirdly feel a little underwhelmed because of it. It’s not even that I want to be ‘chased’… I just want to feel that someone is as into me as I am into them and I guess the best way to find out is by seeing him again.


So that’s that really. I feel quite uneasy about the whole thing so have decided just not to think about it anymore. But I just wanted to give those of you who were remotely interested an update. Now I need to find something else elasticated to wear for Monday.


kate sutton

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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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  1. ooooh it’s exciting!! So it’s bank holiday on Monday, are you going out for the day or just for a kworffee again? Please say it’s something more than just a garden centre, as nice as they are!! lol xx

  2. Sometimes we all have to step out of our comfort zone and be bold also as we get older we all come withthe baggage of time

  3. Ahh but… Maybe he was on Tinder to see if you had been online or his thumb wandered to the app and opened it. My thumb kept opening OkC until I uninstalled the app! That said I don’t have this logic myself if someone I met has been online, instead I think exactly what you did.

  4. ‘I just want everyone to be at my beck and call’ lol I relate. Some men are not big on txin and tbh this annoys me – it’s so easy to send a quick reply. Looking forward to the next update. Always worth taking a chance. X

  5. Mmmm young kids, he may be lovely but to be honest I probably wouldn’t go there…. The legistics in getting out together when he hasn’t got the children might be difficult, been three, so stressful, that stressful…. Haven’t thought about dating since …… There must be a perfect man out there for us all, and I mean Just perfect in our own eyes….. I think it’s worth the wait, although might not be saying that in a year’s time!! Sorry to sound so negative xx

  6. Exciting and sweetly promising – and no matter how it turns out, doing something new is always good. It’s a regular saying in this house – “keep doing what you’ve always done, keep getting what you’ve always got”.
    And think back in your brainbox – it’s like t’olden days, way back when you didn’t speak to someone until your next date because, like, there was no mobile phones, innit.

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