Hi everyone, how are you? Wanted to touch base and just say hello really.  So hello.

 

My head has been in such a (sort of organised) jumble lately. I lost one of my clients, it just came to a natural end, so I’ve been frantically trying to secure more work to cover that shortfall. Luckily, a good friend came to the rescue with a project for February that has saved my bacon. But I’ve been trying to focus on that, submitting my own tax return because I can’t afford my accountant, having to grit my teeth and borrow money to pay it and well … January has just felt like one long battle if I’m honest. Has it for you?

 

On the upside, it’s February tomorrow! And we all made it through the longest month in history, but looking at this quick photo I took, I can see what an effect the stress has had on me. I’m so tired. I haven’t slept well all month and it’s been a combination of factors. Night sweats that I think I’ve cured, at least for now, by taking sage tablets every day … can highly recommend them if you’re menopausal. I don’t know if I am as I’m still waiting to speak to my consultant, but at least I’m not a hot sweaty mess at 4am anymore. I’ve had parent’s evening to contend with … he’s easily distracted apparently, don’t know where he gets that from, oooh I just found a pound. I’ve gone through Dexter’s GCSE options with him, driven to Manchester and back and had a sickness bug.

 

 

I’ve applied for jobs I’m technically over-qualified for, and not even been offered an interview. I’ve spent hours chasing money I’m owed for work I completed on time. I injured myself at the gym so God knows if I’ve put weight on, but it’s been the least of my worries. I’ve gone back to listening to my Thinking Slimmer slimpods and that’s kept my eating under control, for the most part. Oh God and I can’t even begin to tell you about the amount of f**kboys I’ve had to deal with that have come crawling out of the woodwork. BAMO (Block And Move On) has been employed on more than five occasions this month.

Mum has been on my mind too. I mean she’s always on my mind in one way or another but I’ve heard a lot of sad stories recently about peoples’ mums dying and it breaks my heart because I know exactly what they’re going to have to go through. I don’t visit Mum’s grave often, never feel the need if I’m honest, but yesterday I did … I was drawn there. And as I looked for her plaque in the ground, I couldn’t see it at first as it was so covered in muddy, wet leaves. So I think she just got me up there to clean it up. 😀   But my grief for her comes in waves and I don’t know if it’s because I feel particularly overwhelmed right now, but I’m feeling her absence.

 

 

I’m sorry for the moan, it seems as if the entire month has been a shower of shit. It hasn’t. I had three (whole) dates with a guy I really liked and I know that doesn’t seem a lot, but it is for me. I opened up a lot to him and showed some vulnerability, all part of my healing process I think. I haven’t heard from him in a while and I think it’s come to a natural end. Maybe my openness put him off, or maybe he just changed his mind, but either way, I do wish men would just be honest about these things. If he doesn’t want to see me, cool … just tell me.

 

And my eldest stayed for his birthday week and it was lovely! I took him for lunch in Whitstable – Samphire restaurant was beautiful if you ever get the chance to go, I might do a full review on the food we had actually, it was awesome – and I cried like a baby when he left because I don’t really know if Empty Nest Syndrome ever goes away, but it hits me harder at some times than others. But it was lovely having him at home, so I’m grateful for that. I hope he won’t mind me sneaking this cheeky photo of him in! 

 

 

I don’t think I’m destined for an easy life. #Understatement. I always feel like I’m always being challenged by one thing or another, but I do try and find the positives in life if I can. I often go a bit Noel Edmonds and ‘put my hopes and wishes out to the universe’ in the hope that it delivers, and sometimes it does, but you can’t give up hope can you? The evenings are lighter, there are plenty more fish in the sea and even if I can’t rely on a fella, there’s always Netflix. That will never leave me! 

 

kate sutton

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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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8 Comments

  1. Oh Kate, it’s been a long horrible month. Fuck boys, urgh, I encountered one who sent a full frontal pic within about 4 messages. I missed the goods as I was looking at the bald spot on his head. Fuck boy radar kicked in as he had the picture coded to delete within 5 seconds. Also had a couple of young lads in their early to mid 20s. I told the 23yr old I was old enough to be his mum, he said she was in her 50sand didn’t take the hint, I was 16 when he was born!

    Your 3 dates sounded promising but I recall seeing on IG or FB about the 4th one being cancelled because of being ill. Did he really know you were ill? He hasn’t seen it as an excuse not to go out? Is it worth one more message just in case?

    Feb 1st tomorrow. New month, and if it’s another shit one at least it’s only 4wks!

    1. You can code a photo to delete?!?! Is that just on Snapchat? Asking for a friend haha. Re. 4th date, no I went into detail about throwing up lol and he did seem understanding. He may be waiting for me to message but I honestly believe that if a guy is into me, I’ll know. There’ll be no games. I’m way too old! x

  2. Oh Kate it sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment.
    I do agree about men being honest with their feelings. I think that was my biggest wish when it came to dating to be honest, just wanting men to be clear about what they wanted and what their expectations were.
    Sending lots of love xx

    1. It’s such a small thing to ask for. Isn’t it? I’m clear and honest, why is it so hard to receive? Don’t think I’ll ever understand but you have a lovely man now so there is hope 🙂 Lots of love to you too x

  3. Hey Kate,

    Wow you have been through the proverbial wars haven’t you this month. The snippets I see on Twitter barely scratched the surface.

    Dare I say “perhaps take some time for you” but I suspect that’s already been done and with gusto and now you are where most of us find ourselves at the start of a fresh / new year, looking to beat the year before and get off to a flying start in 2018.

    It’s definitely been educational as until now I’d never heard the phrase f**k boy , especially where you can set a photo to delete itself.

    But am glad your friend was able to provide you with an opportunity to make up the shortfall you found yourself in.

    Sorry this is a rambling mess, I’m a guy and cannot effectively multitask so half typing and half watching “mock the week”

    1. Aaah Dave, I believe ALL men can multi-task, they often just choose not to! And yes, Twitter is my fluffy place, where I don’t moan (I save that for my blog lol). All is good and we made it to February, huzzah!

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