Here I am on a Sunday afternoon, sat by the fire watching the snow fall. It’s beautiful isn’t it? (From the comfort of one’s sofa that is.) I’ve put my Christmas tree up, I’m staring at a glittered reindeer (no idea why I bought it either) and I’ve eaten today’s mince pie, so I thought I’d just catch you all up on what’s been going on chez Sutton.

 

(WHAT A RANDOM CHRISTMAS SCENE!)

 

So you’ll have seen, if you follow me on Facebook, that I went for a third date with someone this week. A third date is a rare thing for me, so I was excited to see where it would lead. Nowhere as it turned out, as I decided there wouldn’t be a fourth. In a nutshell, I just didn’t get the feels. You know … when you look at someone and you get a little breathless and twingey down there. I felt nothing other than, “Oh he’s such a nice bloke, come on Kate, MAKE IT WORK GODDAMIT!” But nope, I couldn’t force it, as much as I tried and figured a) it was definitely worth making sure, hence three dates and b) it was better to end it as soon as I was sure about how I felt. I felt that was the most respectful thing to do and after composing, what I thought was a kind and true text, I hoped that he would understand and respect how I felt. Especially after I opened up about my past relationship.

 

Not so much. He wrote back and told me how I was being too hasty and proceeded to say how disappointed he was that this kept happening to him. And I get it, it’s tough when things don’t work out, but I didn’t really like being told how I should be feeling or acting, and then he went all capital letters on me, so knew I’d made the right decision. I would have liked to have stayed friends but I don’t think that’ll be possible now. (Seeing as I blocked his number as he kept saying he was going to call me and I really couldn’t face it.)

 

Moving on. So that was Friday morning, and come Friday night I was in hospital.

 

I was prescribed some new medication after seeing my doctor, and after a lovely lunch with Dad, took my first pill about 6.30pm. Cut a long story short, I had an adverse reaction to it, threw up everywhere, started shivering and feeling very weird … a cold feeling travelling up and down my left arm, and so I decided to call NHS Direct. But as I was talking to them, my speech started going a little strange. I knew what I wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come out easily. I couldn’t quite string a sentence together, and as I was trying to, I threw up again. I had to pass the phone to Dexter who, as per, was an absolute star, and he spoke to the lady who said she was sending an ambulance.

 

It’s the first time I’ve ever had an ambulance sent for me, and hopefully the last, but I felt so guilty. Which is so stupid! Because I really was poorly, and that’s what the service is there for, but I’m always conscious that I never want to be too much bother, you know? If my arm fell off I’d still be, “Oh no I’m fine, honestly, don’t call an ambulance, it’ll be alright by the morning.” They arrived within five minutes, Dexter let them in, they did some tests on me and my speech was now getting worse so they told me I should go to A&E with them.

 

It took a couple of hours to be seen, which is to be expected, but Christ on a bike, it’s like the Night of the Living Dead in the A&E waiting room. Understandable wailing, IV drips, splattered blood, cold cups of coffee, subtitled Eastenders and people passing out … I just wanted to be home and even considered just walking out, but still felt really woozy so I stayed. I finally got to see a doctor and he said he thought I might have had a mini stroke, but that he wanted to seek some further advice. My Nan had a stroke in her mid 50’s so it’s in our family history, and NOW I was worried. But a few more tests later, and he said that no, actually, he didn’t think it was that, but he couldn’t explain what had happened with my speech, other than to say I’d probably had a panic attack when the pill reacted badly with me and that it was all in my mind. Helpful. And had things ended worse, I could have called a specialist solicitor I guess. I’m unsure, but it’s possible, and he’s the professional, and to be honest, I just wanted to go home and so I nodded along.

 

 

I was due to visit my eldest the next day, Saturday, driving down to Wiltshire to stay at my friend’s house, and having lunch with Ben the next day, but the whole weekend was cancelled because I felt unsafe to drive and then it snowed on the Sunday.

 

Which brings you up to date. Single again and feeling a little sorry for myself, but alive and well(ish) and here to fight another day.

 

kate sutton

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