I talk about dating on and off, when I have the energy, and you may think that my life kinda revolves around finding a boyfriend. It doesn’t. My life is full of a whole host of other things … namely Netflix and halloumi, but I’m a great believer in if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen blah blah. There’s no point forcing these things, and I don’t waste too much of my limited energy thinking about whether I’ll ever fall in love again. (Although I bloody hope I do of course.)
But the other night, as I was watching The Martian in bed (on Netflix, I wasn’t spooning ET), it dawned on me that there is probably only one thing I miss about being in a relationship. Yes, I miss the little things like having someone to make me a cup of tea, or being able to warm up my cold feet on a warm body, but the main thing I miss is having someone to share the happy moments in my life with. Granted, it’s a massive thing. (That’s what she said etc. – sorry, the 13-year-old me couldn’t help it.)
Happy moments aren’t exactly plentiful … I’m skint, overweight, I live in a rented house and I’m pretty sure I’m going through the menopause, BUT I can (I’ve probably had to to be honest), find joy in the smallest things in life, and I miss sharing those with someone. Here are just a few off the top of my head that I’ve experienced recently and thought, “I wish I had someone who could share in this moment.”
- That time I flipped a 100kg tyre. I was so proud of myself, and shared an obligatory photo to Instagram (obviously), but I wanted to come home to someone who would get what an achievement it was and be proud of me.
- That Twitter thread I shared on Facebook (you can find it here) about the times people have got their words muddled up, that made me laugh so much I couldn’t catch my breath, and every time I thought about it, even days later, it would set me off again.
- When Nick Knowles sang on Lorraine and it was the most amazing piece of TV I’ve ever seen.
- Whenever my kids do well. I mean I love taking all the glory but it would be nice to show-off to someone.
- I did really well at work the other week and my boss was so happy with me that, among other things, he sent a fancy bottle of champagne over from Italy. Gold bottle, the works. Except I don’t want to drink it on my own, and I seem to make a habit of saving nice bottles of wine/champagne for special occasions that don’t seem to happen. It would have been nice to have shared it with a partner and for him to have made a toast about how awesome I was. (And yes, don’t worry, it’ll get drunk before Christmas!)
- When I saw the most amazing moon a few weeks ago. I’ve never seen a moon like it and on top of that, it was called a Beaver moon, which was definitely worth sharing with someone.
I could go on. My life is full of stupid, meaningless-to-everyone else moments, but you get my point. And I’d like to be a part of someone else’s happy moments too. That would be amazing.
Being in a relationship can’t, and won’t, make you or me happy. I’m pretty sure of that. I’ve spent a fair amount of my life on my own and have grown to understand myself in these last five years, and I’m grateful for having that time. Should have gone travelling at 20 and learnt about myself that way, but I got married instead. Ho hum. But I’ve earnt my own money, I haven’t relied on anyone, I’ve supported and nurtured my children, and crucially, I’ve understood when it was time to look after my mental and physical health. After years of being put down, I’m finally in a really good place.
So I don’t miss the security that people often find from a relationship because I’ve created it for myself. I could find the act of physical affection (haha in case Dad’s reading) fairly easily if I wanted to. I’ve got friends and family I can tag in memes. And the bad times … I can cope with on my own. I’ve had my fair share of shitty things to deal with and I’m made of strong stuff although of course, I’d bloody love someone to help me through those too. But it’s the happy times I’d love to share with someone again I guess. And it’s that which makes me a little sad.
I’ll be following this post up with one about all the amazing reasons it’s cool to be single, but I do sometimes suffer from a case of the grass is always greener-itis. I think we all do from time to time, and it’s OK to feel a little melancholy isn’t it? Especially at this time of year. So if you’re single like I am, let’s try and share the happy moments with each other … at least until Idris Elba declares undying love for me, then I’m off.