Do you remember me mentioning last week in this dating post that I had a really awkward dating story to tell you? Right, here we go. But first, I should say that I don’t want you all to kick your husbands in the goolies tonight when I say this next sentence, because the chances are, I’m not talking about him, and please don’t all DM me to ask, but …. I saw my friend’s husband on Tinder last week.


Now, for those of you who aren’t on dating sites and are less cynical than me, you may think that it wasn’t really him and someone has just ‘borrowed’ his personal photos. One of the photos is from his personal Facebook page, so they’d have to be friends with him to do that, but yeah, you could be right. Unfortunately, I don’t think this is a catfish situation.


His photo popped up and caught my eye – he’s a good looking bloke. And then I thought, hmm, he looks awfully familiar. So I scrolled through his photos and then it hit me how I ‘knew’ him. We’ve never met. His wife isn’t a friend per se, but we’ve known each other for years, indirectly through work, and she often shares photos of them together online, which is why I knew who he was.


He used a fake name. His profile said he was looking for a relationship. One of his photos was of him at work, and it’s a very specialised job. One was a ‘joke’ photo, which wasn’t particularly funny.


I would have swiped right though, even if I hadn’t have known who he was, because he’s hot. And Tinder is that type of app. But I looked at his photos again and was undecided how to play it. Just swipe left (ie. say no) and ignore it had ever happened? Swipe right (ie. say yes) and hope that he doesn’t swipe right too and I then don’t have to deal with it? Or some other plan that I couldn’t come up with because I was in a bit of a panic about the whole thing.


I swiped right and just figured I wouldn’t be his type anyway, but ten minutes later, my phone pinged.


We had matched.


Balls. Now I had to make a decision about what to do. Tell her before we’ve even chatted? Even though we haven’t spoken for years. Un-match immediately and forget it ever happened? Or set up a honey-trap and see what he does … although I really couldn’t be bothered to do that.


So at this stage, ask yourselves what would you have done? They have children. It could have been a catfish and not him at all. I’m not close friends with the wife, but I’m a huge supporter of all women and equally felt she should have known. But known what? ARGHHHH!! 


To cut a long story short, during the half hour or so it took me to make a decision about what to do, we un-matched, or rather he un-matched me. And I think it’s because he’d realised that I knew his wife. Tinder links your Facebook profiles as far as I’m aware so often you’ll see what friends and Facebook Likes you have in common – it’s meant to help you decide if you’ll be a good match I guess. So whether his wife’s face popped up as a mutual match, he got found out or realised what an absolute dirtbag thing it was to do … or he deleted his profile and created another one with someone’s else’s photos, we’ll never know.


But it does leave me in somewhat of a dilemma. I don’t know exactly what his intentions were, whether it was to cheat on her, or ‘just’ get an ego boost, but either way, what a prick thing to do. I’m fuming for her and for us genuine single women who go on these dating apps with honest intentions. And I know women must do this sort of thing too, but it really grinds my gears because dating is hard enough already, without your friend’s husband chancing his arm. Or any other part of his anatomy.


So .. WWYD? (What Would You Do?) I know what I think I’ll do but I’m interested to hear your opinions.


kate sutton

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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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  1. That’s a tricky one, in a way I’m glad it’s been taken out of your hands, I not sure I’d tell your friend as she’s likely to fall out with you for one reason or another. I had the misfortune of feeling that I had to tell a friend that her husband was a dick as he’d been flirting with me and another friend and it was me that came off worse.
    The chances are he might just want to send dick pics and get his kicks that way but honestly, being on Tinder you’re not doing anything innocently!! It’s not like you could mistake the app for anything other than it is.
    Good luck Kate, I don’t envy you with this one xx

  2. Once years ago I had to keep a situation quiet, months later certain aspects of the situation became known and I had a very upset girlfriend asking why I hadn’t told her at the time. It was a horrible situation and I don’t know what I would do differently. But I think in this situation I would drop the wife an email saying her husband had appeared on tinder and it might have been a joke but she maybe should know? It sucks though. No complete right or wrong (apart from his actions, he is definitely wrong).

  3. I don’t know how Tinder works – too old and frankly not interested, but: in this case I would direct message him and his wife on FB and tell them that his photos are being used on Tindef and did they know? This should set alarm bells going with the wife and shut him down. If it didn’t work I would tell the wife. I would want to know if it was me.

  4. I’d email him and say I thought he looked familiar, oh yes, I am friends with (insert wife’s first name) on Facebook, how is she? Then await being blocked.

  5. I would tell her but do it in a way thats jokey? Like, I’m guessing joes mates have been taking the piss and set a tinder account up for him. You might want to let him know.
    I think that’s what I would do

  6. I’d send her a message saying you think her hubby is being catfished as he popped up on tinder last and you recognised his face from her Fb posts, but the name was different. At least you’ve said something then, but it’s up to her to do more digging – should she want to…?
    If it were me, I’d want to know. Xx

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