Online dating really is a tale of two halves. One half being dating nice, normal blokes with it either leading to further dates or it just ends, amicably, after one date. The other half is dealing with men who like to play ‘the game.’ The game being … actually, I’m still really not sure what the aim of the game is, other to have their ego stroked in the knowledge that they’ve still got it. They’re THE MAN. The fact that they’ve got ‘it’ by means of deception is irrelevant to them, but hey, I’m splitting hairs right?

 

So, in the era of dating having its own terminology (y’all have been ghosted right?), my best friend and I have invented an acronym that all singletons must learn and, more importantly, adhere by. It’ll save you valuable time wondering whether the person you’re talking to online is genuinely into you or not.

 

BAMO. Block And Move On.

 

I’ve dated online long enough to have heard it all. Dating bullshit is just background noise to me now and I’ve learnt not to take it so personally, but it’s still a massive ball ache having to wade through it all to find genuine men. Here are some of the things men have said to me JUST THIS WEEK. I hear the same lines over and over (and over) again. It’s exhausting.

 

  • “Oh yeah, I had to delete Tinder because I’ve been stalked, so you’ll see me un-match you, but that’s why.” (Not because his wife found out of course.)

 

  • (In response to me suggesting we swap numbers after two days of chatting.) “I’d prefer to get to know you on the app first.” (And then promptly un-matching me when I suggested he might not be single.)

 

  • “I’ll definitely come down and see you. The woman shouldn’t travel on the first date.” (Un-matched on Tinder the next day.)

 

  • “Not show up? I know you don’t know me yet but please you need to know I’m a decent person.” (He didn’t show up.)

 

  • “I will only ever be honest, respectful and generally awesome to you.” (He was none of those things.)

 

I could go on. I kid you not, it’s endless bullshit and particularly hard for novice daters to disseminate but my dating radar (Dadar?) is pretty good now and I can spot a dickhead a mile off. But I shouldn’t have to! My point is, I now have a zero tolerance policy when I feel like I’m being played and at the first sign of dickwaddery, BAMO!

 

It’s very liberating. To know that you’ve recognised what’s happening early on, you’ve taken control of the situation and that you won’t waste any of your precious time on that person.

 

Granted, I’m quite a black and white person. You cross me, you’re kinda dead to me, but I never used to be like that and in a way it’s quite sad that I feel that way through no fault of my own, but I refuse to play someone else’s game.

 

Why do they do it? Bored at work. Low self-esteem. Married. Or maybe they just think it’s funny to lead a woman on, but my patience is wearing thin and the dating apps have been deleted again until I have the patience to put myself through it all again. I have another horror to share with you that happened this week, but I’ll save that for when I’m feeling up to going through all of this again. 

 

I’m hoping to go out OUT on Saturday with my best friend, to meet real people … like IN REAL LIFE. It can’t be any worse than Tinder can it? 

 

kate sutton

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