Do you remember me writing recently about some awful messages I’d received from dating websites? And oh, how we all laughed … and just presumed it couldn’t get any worse? Well I’m back, with another, ‘More moronic dating messages’ blog post. Hurrah for you, because it’s kinda funny. Boo for me because obviously, this means I’m still single.
Let’s kick off with this:
I’m a little confused. Does he want ME to wear a little black dress? Or does he want to take a photo of me whilst HE’S wearing a little black dress? Either way, it’s a no from me you absolute freak.
Next up we have this charming message:
What a generous gesture right?! To offer to ‘inspect’ my breasts. How utterly delightful. Why bother saying hello these days, when you can just get right down to business and comment on my breast size. Brilliant. Also, note his tagline. I’m going to presume he’s talking about himself.
This one is so romantic, I can’t even …
Hands up, who doesn’t want to be covered in spubk? What even is spubk? On a serious note, saying I’m a MILF isn’t a compliment, and yet men continue to bandy that phrase about on dating sites like it’s going out of fashion. Well I’ll tell you now ladz, it never WAS in fashion, so stop saying it.
And I’m going to end on this one. Wow.
I admire him you know, because that’s clearly his jam (although not mine), and he was at least respectful, but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD … what is it about my face that makes all the weirdos message me? Is it some aura I’m giving out that I don’t realise? I swear to God, my profile photos are all perfectly normal. There’s barely any cleavage on show, let alone anything else (ewww) and yet still, every day, I’m sent such odd messages. Answers on a postcard.
Suffice to say, I haven’t dated for a good few weeks now. I think I had a good run (dating ‘successfully’ for more than one week is considered a ‘good run’), and I especially had some wonderful dates with one particular guy, about 5 day/overnight/day type dates, which unfortunately have now stopped because he turned out to be a massive twat. But hey ho, you have to take the rough with the smooth when it comes to dating and my heart is still intact … well, as intact as it ever will be. And so onwards. Again.