As you all know, I’m dating again, and, for the most part, it has been lots of fun. But one thing that seems to have changed a lot since I first began online dating some four years ago is that most men are really bloody rude. I don’t mean ‘dick pic’ rude (ahem, unfortunately), I just mean that a lot of guys just don’t have manners anymore.


It’s something I spoke about with my good friend today after getting this introductory message:


online dating


And she agreed with me. Whatever happened to, “Hi, it’s nice to meet you.” So I decided that I would be this guy’s dating expert, you know, give him a few tips to help him with the ladeeez. So I suggested that it might not be an appropriate first message, that being told, ‘Hot body great photos’ in a first message wasn’t very gentlemanly.


Here’s his reply:


online dating


OK, so some people reading this may think I should be flattered that he’s being so ‘complimentary’ … well I’m not. I’m really not. I know that online dating is all about first impressions, about looks, and whether you fancy someone or not. I get it. You have to make that snap decision about whether to swipe left or right or take the time to write to someone, but what did he expect me to reply? “Thanks?” “I’m so honoured that you think I’ve got a great body?” I mean he’s right and all that … haha, I’m kidding – I actually cringe when I upload my photos because, like a lot of women, all I see for the most part is flaws, but he’d never go up to me in person and say it, so why say it online?


So back to our online friend. I said, “Whatever happened to just saying hello?” Giving him an ‘in’ if you will (I will) in the hope that he could understand where I’m coming from, that it’s better to try and get to know someone based on personality, not what they look like in a few selfies. He replied, “Well hello, how are you, nice to see local lady.” I’m thinking at this point OK, he may not be English, but does that excuse the poor intro message? Nope. It doesn’t.


I plough on. So to speak. “Aah, that’s much better!” I say, trying to be positive and encouraging.


He replies:


online dating


Christ sake, there’s really no helping some people, and at that point, I blocked him.


But trust me, this message was tame. My friends on Facebook will have seen some of the absolute dross I’ve dealt with lately. Introductory messages asking me to get into weird poses that even the most talented of yoga instructors couldn’t manage, one bloke said he gets off on buying me stuff (actually, I quite liked that one), and one charmer thanked me as he’d just banged one out over my photos. Don’t believe me? Here you go.


online dating


So that was nice. I ignore most of these messages, don’t feed the troll/perv, but all the while I, and other women, are having to soak up these messages even if we don’t interact with them. I don’t interact but I’m still subjected to it. Such is the nature of online dating and of course, it’s not like I’m ever going to meet any of these goons, but isn’t it a strange world when men think it’s OK to talk to women they don’t know like that? Back in my day etc. you’d just buy a girl a drink and talk to her. OK, I’m of a different generation, but I still expect to be treated with respect – on and offline. It’s what I’ve taught my boys, and I won’t lower my standards just because the medium of meeting people is online.


Like I say, I’ve been really lucky with dates lately, they’ve all treated me well and we’ve had lots of fun but man alive, online dating does remain complex.


kate sutton

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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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  1. It’s a chicken and egg situation, I think – have men completely lost their game because they communicate through a phone or did they not have any in the first place and the screen has just magnified it to this degree? It’s like social filters no longer exist because they don’t have to deal with the face-to-face embarrassment of being told to fuck off any more so they don’t need to be polite. Blokes used to have to WORK for it, now they can send 20 messages all in one night and maybe get a nibble. They “casting a net” aspect is making them all act really dickish. Either way, online dating seems to be ruining a lot of blokes – or filtering them out for you before you get invested and THEN realise they’re a cock?
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    1. Blokes just don’t have to graft anymore. You’re right, they just cast their net as wide as possible and see who bites. And I would hope that even the younger women who only know online dating, and not any other type, realise that they should still have standards and not accept this shoddy approach. It’s lazy, it’s rude and I can’t imagine how it ever works. The art of conversation has been lost, at least until you get to meet someone in person, and it’s a shame. I also sound like my nan.

  2. Thank you for making me giggle – not at what you’re going through or those hideous messages you’re receiving – but because your reaction to them is priceless and pretty much exactly what I would think if I received something like that, although I may not have been able to bite my tongue like you do! Good on you for persevering – there will be a Prince at the end of all these frogs, I’m sure of it!

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