Well hello you. I haven’t written my usual weight loss journey post on a Sunday for a month now and I thought I’d sit down and explain why. If you’re still around that is.
It boils down to a few things but predominantly, I got bored writing the same thing every week. And I think you may have got bored too … and I don’t blame you. I wasn’t losing a great deal of weight, I was yo-yo’ing a lot and as much as I was making great strides at the gym, which perhaps is one reason why I wasn’t losing much weight, I just couldn’t/can’t seem to shift these last few stones.
I’m stuck, and it’s frustrating as hell. I’ve fallen back into some bad habits, mainly eat shitty food at night in bed. It’s always been a comfort thing but I’m unsure why I’m turning to food again. I’ve worked through some issues with my therapist and, as I mentioned in another post, I’ve decided to stop therapy for the time being because life is good. My head feels quite clear and I’m happy for the most part, but there are a couple of things in life that are making me feel a little unsettled, and I tend to turn to food to ‘calm down’ those feelings.
Are you with me so far? So firstly, my love life. I don’t really have one per se, although I’ve had some really lovely dates in the last few weeks, but I’m still hoping that one of them will turn into something more, but they haven’t so far. And you know what? That’s actually OK because being single is no bad thing, as much as society/the media would have us believe. I think that as long as you are happy within yourself, you don’t need to be in a relationship. It’s an occasional ‘want’ for me, never a ‘need.’ But when I’m feeling low, I do tend to wonder why no-one wants to be in a relationship with me. I doubt myself sometimes, I’m only human, and I have to give myself a metaphorical slap round the face when I feel like that because I know I’m a good person that has a lot to offer … I just clearly haven’t met the right person.
And secondly, money. Or rather lack thereof. I love being self-employed, I really do. I can’t begin to tell you how liberating it is working in your knickers every day (poor postman) but scrabbling around for pennies at the end of every month (literally) is exhausting. Like really draining … that constant worry, and so again, I turn to food. The one constant in my life.
I thought I’d kicked these bad habits and so I’m a little disappointed in myself if I’m honest. The one good thing is that I’ve only put a couple of pounds on – I weighed myself at the doctors this week, the first time in four weeks. So my weight loss is 3 stones and 12lbs. But I definitely haven’t missed the weekly weigh-in. I haven’t been to the gym for two weeks because I picked up a shoulder injury that was really debilitating … and buggering off to the seaside with a new friend probably didn’t do it any favours (but it was oh-so-much fun!) So thinking about it, I’m missing those endorphins I usually get from weight training. Christ, I really need to go back ASAP.
I’m waffling. I think I just thought that you wouldn’t want to hear me moan about my problems, and the reasons why I’m not losing weight right now. But it’s important for me to document my thoughts about this because we all know how easy it is to completely fall off the wagon. But one thing I AM doing well, that I’m hoping will just stand me in good stead when it comes to life in general, is focusing on doing things that make me happy. Like having my hair cut.
OK OK … just slightly trimmed, but still …
Going to the seaside …
And blouse shopping. Don’t you just love blouse shopping …
My weight is going to be a lifelong issue for me. I’d love to be that person who never has to worry or even think about food, but I’m not. I can look at a piece of lettuce and put a stone on … but equally, I’ve been very honest about the times when I’ve not done what I needed to do to shift this weight. And I really do need to lose these last few stones. So tomorrow is a new day (obviously) and I’m hoping that I can sort of … ‘re-set’. Yes, Re-set Monday. Fingers crossed I can kickstart this weight loss again but in the meantime, I do hope you’ll stick around.