I wanted to share something with you today that I think is a little freaky, especially as it’s a subject I’ve been meaning to cover for a while. Anyway, shut up Kate and get on with it. It’s about the universe, but it’s also a bit bigger than that.


I have this amazing friend. I don’t know whether to share her name, so I won’t for now, but she’s fab. A real gentle soul, and she’s relatively new in my life and I’m extremely grateful for her. She attended a talk yesterday run by a lady called Gabrielle Bernstein – Gabby is a writer and motivational speaker and from what I can gather (I’ve never heard of her before), her purpose in life (I’m quoting Oprah right now, as one should at least once a day), is to ‘help people tune into their own inner voice.’ Interesting so far, right?


So Gabby is speaking and my friend is doodling in her notebook/making notes, and she wrote down my name. For no other reason I’d imagine, other than I was on her mind at that precise moment. Which is lovely. Anyway, as she wrote down my name, literally as she wrote it, a lady in the crowd stood up and shared her personal story with Gabby. And it was the mirror image of my story. This lady asked how she could lean in towards love (instead of fear) as she had just heard that the man that physically abused her was coming out of prison. Now that’s not something I’ve told you guys before but it’s very similar to my story. Gabby said this is understandably a very fearful situation but it’s important to take back control – that that’s their shit, and we need to focus on our own. Concentrate on ourselves, our love and our happiness, and it’s not about forgiving the person that hurt us, but it’s about letting go of the situation.


My friend told me this and I burst into tears. It was an immediate physiological reaction and I think it was for several reasons. Firstly, I physically felt this other lady’s pain. To know that she, and others, have gone through something similar to me hurts my heart so much that I feel what I can only imagine they feel, as if it’s my own pain. If I wasn’t an empathetic person before, I know I definitely am now. And secondly, it felt like my friend put my name out to the universe at that point and the universe gave back to her what I needed to hear. 


A quick word about this. Yes, I’m a bit of a hippy at heart, always have been, but only insofar as I’m very laid-back, a lover not a fighter, and I like flowers and shit. I do not like incense, dancing round trees or not washing my hair. Note: No offence to actual hippies intended. So when I talk about ‘the universe’, it’s coming from a pretty sane(ish) place, it’s just something I’m feeling more and more the older I get and the more in tune with myself I become. So, please have an open mind when I talk about stuff like this … I’m not completely crackers. I guess it’s just about being more spiritual.


Anyway. This whole ‘leaning towards love not fear’ thing is something I’d actually spoken to my friend about before she told me this story. I told her that I’ve lived in fear for a long time and, particularly since I’ve had therapy (which I’ve decided to finish by the way), I’ve made a conscious effort to lean in towards love and happiness instead. So what do I mean by that? Take September as an example. My birthday is on the 29th, and so I have decided that September would be a month where I would purposefully do things that make me happy. It was my present to myself, so I put that out into the universe, and here’s what I’ve got back so far … with a little assistance from me:


  • I went to Brighton last week and ate good food and kissed a lot – two of my favourite things.
  • I’ve just booked my first Air BnB to Whitstable next week whereby I intend to do the same things I did in Brighton, except this time, my new man-friend is going to cook for me. (I’ve also asked for Tiramisu for dessert fyi.)
  • I bought new jeans with red piping down the side, even though my best friend didn’t like them, but they reminded me of my youth so I bought them anyway. I might look like a knob when I wear them, but I’ll let you know.
  • I ate Dirty Fries for dinner last night, even though I didn’t really know what they were, I just lolled at the name.
  • My eldest is coming to stay this month and I’m so, so excited.
  • I’ve arranged a family dinner later in the month to celebrate my birthday.
  • I ate three Viennese Whirls to help cure my bad back (surprisingly that didn’t work but they sure were tasty.)
  • I’ve been headhunted twice for new jobs in the past week.
  • I’ve contemplated going back to London for work because I want to be challenged … erm, and earn more money.
  • My neighbours hoovered for what seems like hours today, but I decided to watch Sexpod and Place in the Winter Sun on TV instead, because life is too short to spend hours hoovering.
  • I’ve had three midday baths this week, which feels like the height of luxury.


Bearing in mind it’s only the 10th September, I reckon I’m doing alright so far.


I’m not a life coach like Gabrielle Bernstein, and my musings are just my way of making sense of my life. It’s another form of therapy. I write stuff down and in some way, it means I can make sense of the things I’m feeling and doing because I’ll be honest, most of the time, probably much like you, I’m just winging it. Even at 46, very nearly 47. I used to think I’d have my shit together at 40, and look how that turned out, so maybe I will at 50. Or 60. Who knows? But I do know one thing. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure I bloody well enjoy the journey.


kate sutton lifestyle blogger


There is no reason behind this post other than to share that weird story with you. I don’t meditate. I don’t have a zen den. I don’t bowl about wearing wind chimes on my head. But I am becoming more in tune with myself the older I get. What I need to make me happy. How to surround myself with positivity, and equally, how to remove negativity. How to turn to love and not fear, whether that’s through therapy or support from friends. You know some of my good friends are approaching 40, or have just turned 40, and I’ve told them all (as well as the poor 20-year-old girl that did my nails yesterday): “Turning 40 changed my life. It was the beginning of saying no to the things I don’t want in my life, and yes to the things I do.”


The universe approves.


kate sutton

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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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  1. I discovered the whole universe thing a few years ago and look where that led me! Bye bye London, hello Mauritius and life of my dreams. I’m not a proper hippy, but I do believe in some woo-woo stuff, like things happen for a reason and that you have control over what happens in your life, which means you can make yourself happy, as you so rightly say.

    Lovely to hear there is a nice man-friend in your life and that you’ve got lots of good stuff going on. You deserve it lovely.

    Sophie xxx
    Sophie Le Brozec recently posted..5 Ways To Pick Yourself Up After A Mummy FailMy Profile

    1. Sophie, you are an absolute inspiration. I admire you so much for following your heart and leaving England. I’ve never felt I would see out my final days here but having no money was just always the stumbling block to everything in my life. But hopefully it won’t be like that forever. I don’t believe in God but I do think there is a plan for me, it’s just that I’ll be the one in charge of making it x

  2. I am nearly sixty and still haven’t got my shot together. Glad you are ok, and I love the idea of a birthday month. May change mine from Feb to one with 31 days though so it lasts longer!

  3. Oh my goodness I loved reading this! Yes to Turing 40 & saying no to all the crappy things in your life (i.e. My husband) yes to being a lover & not a fighter, I’m a true believer in letting karma do its thing & yes to practicing positivity. I try not to dwell on how awful my ex husband was, that part of my life is far removed from my head I sometimes worry early dementia has set in & I struggle to give an excuse for our separation. (Luckily I kept a diary for divorce purposes which is now gone too) Sounds like the universe has sent what you need, at a time when you need it. Have a great September birthday girl!

    1. I think you’ve probably just compartmentalised the ‘stuff’ with your ex, it’s what I did until I was ready to deal with it – that took 5 years to get to that point and I’ve only hit the tip of the iceberg really. But I think we do that just so we can cope with the day to day because that takes up so much energy. I hope the universe delivers to you as well – make sure you put out some wonderful things though! x

  4. I LOVE this post Kate, and your list of things you’ve done so far this month is brilliant! I’m a big believer in saying ‘yes’ to the things you like and love, and a big fat ‘no’ to the things you don’t, life is too short. I’m only 33 and still figuring stuff out, but so much happier and more confident than in my 20s, despite the demands of 3 small children in tow. I’m actually looking forward to my 40s and (hopefully) feeling great about myself 🙂

  5. Bullshit are you nearly 47! Really? Fairplay.
    I’m not a hippy type but I do believe in positive thinking & things happening for a reason.
    We are approaching our two year anniversary since moving to Scotland. So much has changed for us and opened up so many doors. The universe is currently on my side (for a change).

  6. I am nearly forty, very close and not sure I’ll ever get my stuff together. Glad you are ok, and I love the idea of a birthday month. I have less than 3 weeks to go and totally panicking about my birthday xx

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