I’m single again. The end.
It’s a little more convoluted than that, obv, but I mentioned on Facebook recently that I’m dating again so thought I’d let you know what’s going on.
So enough time has passed whereby I can talk about what happened with my last relationship. Well, I would, if I understood it myself. He was always going to leave the country in November (he’s just spent 12 years abroad) so I knew the relationship was finite anyway, but things just kinda fizzled out really. We saw each other less, we spoke less and fundamentally, he just couldn’t give me what I needed … which wasn’t much in the first place! We didn’t speak for three weeks and when I tried to explain to Dexter what had happened, he said, “Well why don’t you just meet and sort things out once and for all?” Which I thought was a pretty mature thing to say. I refused to make first contact, of course, because I’m annoyingly stubborn, but my man-friend finally got in touch and asked if I’d like to meet for a drink. With Dexter’s words ringing in my ears, I agreed. We talked it through and decided there was no point carrying on and called it a day. But it meant we’ve stayed on good terms, we text each other occasionally and I feel OK about the whole thing. Sad, but OK. If only all break-ups were like that, right?
That relationship taught me a lot. It taught me what I want, what I’m prepared to put up with, what I’m not, that I could perhaps afford to be a little bit more laid back in relationships and let others take the lead, and it even taught me to enjoy camping again, so for that, I’m grateful. I had such a great time with him, I really did. We didn’t argue once (oh, apart from that fateful last date when we camped in the rain) and it was just … fun. Exactly what I needed at that point in my life.
So … moving on … I’m dating again and I’ll be honest, I’ve had a fair few dates already. Partly because my ego was feeling a little bruised, but I did come to a massive realisation recently when talking about this with friends.
I think my therapist has cleared a blockage I had around dating and men. Sounds painful, I know.
I haven’t seen her for three weeks (she’s selfishly on holiday) but talking things through with her recently, and understanding more about my PTSD has clearly freed my mind and soul a little, I truly believe that. Before this recent six-month relationship, I hadn’t dated for over a year, so I knew there was clearly a problem there, I just didn’t realise what it was or how to deal with it. I think I’ll always have trust issues to some degree but I’ve done a lot of work to overcome those and putting my heart on the line again and that relationship proved to me I’m capable of loving again. If and when another relationship comes along, I’ll recognise it. And in the meantime, there are men (shock horror) that kinda like me. It’s a nice feeling to be wanted isn’t it?
I’ve never had a bad first date. A horrific second date, yes, but these dates recently have all been great in their own ways. All men have been completely different, although I clearly have a penchant for smart, funny bearded men, and I’ve honestly had a great time so far.
So that brings you up to date. I have a date tonight with someone that isn’t my usual type but his banter is on point and being funny goes a long way in my book. I have no expectations about this guy but the fact he’s driving 90 minutes to meet me says that he likes me and so I’m confident it will be a good night. I will share all the juicy details with you later this week!
I may see some of these other guys again, the swinger from Ireland, not so much, but I do like the freedom I have at the moment to just do what I like. It’s very liberating! I love the whole process of getting ready, looking and feeling good, chatting nonsense to the taxi driver on the way because I’m nervous and wondering if my date looks remotely like his photos. And *touch wood* so far, they all have.
Dating online is hard work. Anyone that’s done it will know exactly what I mean, and you have to have a thick skin and no expectations, but if you have the right attitude, it can also be loads of fun. But the key to successful dating (apart from the above) is feeling happy and confident in your own skin, no matter what a bloke thinks of you. I’m at that point. I don’t take things nearly as personally as I used to – I’ve been ghosted and made to think a date is happening and have then been un-matched, all shitty things for a bloke to do, but I reckon just as many women do those things too and, as horrible as they are, I know the issue isn’t with me. It’s with them 100%. So I can, for the most part, brush it off and move on. An invaluable dating skill!
Wish me luck for tonight and I’ll be posting my date outfit on Facebook just before I go out. Although it will probably be just what I wore last time … jeans, heels, sexy top. Not had a complaint yet!