I’m a day late posting this (soz), but I have been camping don’tcha know. More of that in a separate blog post, but suffice to say, I’m not quite sure why I have bruises everywhere. It may come back to me at some point.
(That was pretty much me for the entire camping experience.)
Last week started out great as it was a Bank Holiday, but it was Half Term, and if you’re anything like me, especially if you work from home, having your routine messed with is a bit of a mare. I mean it was lovely to have Dexter around but the Xbox is in the lounge, where my office is, and urgh, teenagers create so much mess! The lounge smelt of boy all week, and it messed with my creative flow. (For the record, I do love both of my children dearly!)
Dexter’s birthday celebrations continued during the week, he definitely takes after his mother with a birthday week, not just one day, and we went to Bluewater shopping on Tuesday (ie. Wagamamas and frozen yogurt) and had the family round another day (ie. Chinese takeaway and beer. And cake.) Of course, no-one had a gun to my head to make me eat things that aren’t good for me, and to give myself credit (for what it’s worth), I never really go mad these days. I don’t binge eat until I feel sick, because I always allow myself a little of what I fancy, but I know I ate circa 3,000 calories on two days out of seven, which isn’t ideal. The week was quite alcohol-heavy. Date night. Picnic in the park. Birthdays. Sadness. Happiness. Alcohol just seemed to be key to everything this week – not in a ‘I need it’ way, but it just hit the spot. I blame the sunshine.
(Date at a country pub in Penshurst, Kent.)
Talking of picnics, I had this amazing salad from Sainsburys – it was goat’s cheese, broccoli and leafy stuff, but with a gorgeous avocado and mint dressing – yum! (Excuse the fact it’s between my thighs!)
I got to the gym a couple of times, and a quick word about the miracle that is Pilates. Honestly, I can’t praise it enough. Last week’s class involved rolling a tennis ball around certain body parts … and the increased flexibility that that created was incredible, just from rubbing a round, hard object around your body. Innuendos aside, I always look forward to that class and I think it’s one of the reasons, the main reason, I’ve remained injury-free for months now. Touch wood. And the reason I can nearly do the splits … suffice to say my man-friend is delighted.
And emotionally, I was a little all over the place. May is bittersweet for me. The month, not the knackered old goat that is our (for now) PM. It’s Dexter’s birthday, but it’s also the anniversary of Mum’s death and her birthday too, so I’m a little up and down, although, of course, with the passing of time it all becomes a little … easier to deal with. Easier, not easy. I tend to hibernate a little and keep myself to myself whilst I try and deal with my feelings, so I guess I just haven’t felt like blogging this week.
I came down with a cold on Thursday/Friday and I’m still struggling with that, so I’m listening to my body and I haven’t been to the gym since Friday. I’ve cycled into town today but I don’t think it’s wise to weight train or do anything too strenuous. This weight-loss journey is a marathon, it’s a life-time thing, and if I need to take a few days off the gym, I will. I had fruit and sushi for lunch because I’m still a little bloated post-camping, so now Dexter is back at school, order is restored.
I’m meant to be having a PT session on Wednesday – we’re doing a trade of a few free sessions for a blog post as he’s newly qualified, but I’m going to see how I feel. The last time I worked out with him, I was a hot sweaty mess afterwards. But then I am most of the time.
Oh, and I did a 90-minute Zumba class on Wednesday, which was fabulous fun! So writing everything down, I was fairly active, with healthy meals of meat and salad in between the celebration meals.
(My best friend and I post-Zumba – she’ll love me for sharing this pic.)
So, a mixed week – I did the best I could, bearing in mind I was surrounded by a Haribo-smothered traybake for most of the week.
I weighed myself this morning whilst at the doctors, so a few days late, and I’ve put on 0.5kgs (0.75lb). Bearing in mind all of the above, it’s to be expected, and it’s certainly not the end of the world. So still a total loss of 4 stones and 1(ish) lb.
I’ll be honest, I just feel a little down about my body at the moment. I suspect it’s time of the month and I’m just raaaaah about lots of things, but one thing has become/is becoming more apparent, and that’s that the more weight I lose, the more visible it’s becoming that I was incredibly overweight for too long and my body isn’t what I had hoped it would look like. In clothes, I look OK, but I’m struggling with boobs and stomach at the moment because I know only surgery is going to make them look how I want them to look. I know I’m cracking on a bit, and I can’t expect to have the body of a 20-year-old, and I have to take comfort from the fact that I’m healthier, and that I’m really doing the best that I can exercise-wise right now, but sometimes it all feels a little futile, you know? Like, the more weight I lose, the flabbier certain body parts become, and I’ll admit to thinking sometimes, maybe I’m just better staying as I am, even though I know I have another 4 stones to lose.
Does anyone/has anyone else felt like that? I’d love to hear from you. I’m just feeling a little despondent I guess, and I think it’s a combination of where my head is at emotion-wise this week, I miss my Mum and the fact that as much as I appreciate this is a lifetime thing, it feels like I’ve been doing this forever and there’s no end in sight … and I know that when I officially get to the end, I don’t think I’m ever going to be happy with the results, atheistically. Of course, I know I’m doing the right thing for my health, but I would honestly consider plastic surgery if I had the money. But that’s how I feel this week, I might cheer the f**k up next week.
Over and out for now – please do follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and I’ll see you next week, and if you’re interested in learning more about the Thinking Slimmer download I listen to every night, you can find more information HERE.