I alluded to something in last week’s Healthy Lifestyle update that was about surrounding yourself with like-minded people. Your tribe if you will. (And I will, thanks!) I think this is especially pertinent when you’re trying to keep fit and/or lose weight because it’s SO important to be as positive as you can, as much as you can. The last thing you need when you’re on … here it comes … your journey, is jealous, sour-faced biatches that don’t have your best interests in heart.


I came to this realisation in my early 40s. For me, it was a time of my life when I suddenly knew who I didn’t want in my life (my ex), and who I did (awesome friends.) I wish I’d understood this when I was younger because it would have saved me a lot of heartache, but I’m glad it came to me eventually. It’s not that I didn’t have friends, but I guess I just wasn’t as selective as I am now.


The whole man thing aside (ie. I haven’t had one for five years), I found myself beginning to … and I don’t want to use the term ‘ghost’, but I guess it’s true … move away from people who were soul-suckers. Those who took up too much of my time, always ignored my (admittedly limited) words of wisdom, who took and never gave and, most importantly of all, didn’t make me feel good about myself. I didn’t, nor do I, need people to big me up every day. I mean it’s bloody great, but I’m a big believer in your power coming from within you and never making it someone else’s job to make you happy. But it’s so much better to be around nice people. It’s really that simple.


And so I started to be more choosey about who I hung out with. Even who I talked to online. My friendship group, small to begin with, became even smaller but at least I knew that the people I shared my valuable time/resources/knowledge/jokes with, totally ‘got’ me. My best friend has always been by my side, and always will be – poor cow hasn’t got much choice, but since I’ve been on my healthy journey, being surrounded by positive people has been a God send. Seriously. I have a lovely community over on my blog Facebook page – over 6,000 of us – and every single person is full of support, admiration, encouragement, positivity and love. Not just for me, but for each other.


That’s what I want for every single one of you – whether it’s friends online or in real life. Life is too short to be surrounded by people who don’t have your best interests at heart. Surround yourself with people who have similar goals to you. Who won’t try and give you that extra slice of cake when you’re trying so hard to say no. They’ll know you’ll save it for the weekend, or you’re not eating sugar so won’t bother, or whatever … they’ll just ‘get’ it.


And if they don’t … it’s a hard lesson to learn, but friendships change over the years and sometimes journeys like the one I’m on show up the cracks in a friendship that perhaps were there all along.


Find your tribe. Kick ass together. Laugh A LOT. Run together. Eat good food together. Whatever it is you love doing … get rid of any negative baggage that’s lurking in the background. Including unsupportive partners, although annoyingly, they’re a lot harder to get rid of – trust me!


And so concludes Kate’s Message Of The Day!


kate sutton

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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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  1. I have just come to this realisation too … I feel sadness that people who have been part of my life for so long will no longer hold that place but also liberated and excited to be with people who share my hopes , joys and vision for my/our future. Keep doing what you’re doing 🙂 x

  2. I think you are right. It’s hard though. I am still struggling to find my way and tribe and as I approach the big 40 this year, I feel I’m changing. Lovely post hon xx

    1. I think 40 is a really important time in our lives though Susan, and it’s then that you’ll find yourself asking these big questions – who do I want in my life being a huge one! You’ll find your tribe … you already have a lovely online one 🙂

    1. Thanks Claire, I mean it’s pretty common sense, but you can get trapped in rubbish relationships, so it’s worth pointing out you don’t have to stay. (And thank you!! x)

  3. Life is too short to deal with people who drag you down or never see the good things.
    Our move to Scotland has meant we have seen the true light from quote a few people we considered good friends. These people think we don’t have phones up here and I got fed up of being the one who always called. The same people who read my blog and think they know what’s going on and what we have been up to. Don’t even get me started!
    Rant over. Great post.

    1. It’s sad at the same time though isn’t it Mel? But better to know now than later. I know it sounds quite harsh but I just value my time so much now – I feel I wasted so many years in miserable relationships, that I’m not going to do it anymore. Real friends will always be there x

  4. Great post! I didn’t find my gang till I had the kids and we bonded in a baby group over sickly kids, lack of sleep and love of wine! It’s harder to get together now the kids have so much going on and work gets in the way, but we having a weekend away end of March. cannot wait!

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