Check me out, actually posting on a Sunday again! You may have seen me wang on about being poorly this week (a cold, not Ebola), and I think I’m coming to the end of it. At least I hope so, because I’m going out with my best friend for belated food and drinks shenanigans tonight. However, I’m currently lying prostrate (not prostate) on the sofa, watching episodes of Frasier whilst having caffeine pumped intravenously into my left arm. So we’ll see.
I’ve missed the gym. A sentence I didn’t think I’d ever find myself ever saying, but I’ve just had no energy at all from Wednesday onwards. I slept 11 hours last night, 10 hours the night before and it’s frustrating not to be able to do what you want to do. I was really proud of myself for getting into a really good exercise routine (gym/Zumba/cycling), and I feel like it’s all turned to shit now, and that by the time I feel better and get back into it I will have put all the weight back on. Which is ridiculous, I know, but I’m just feeling sorry for myself today.
In truth, what will happen, is that it will just take me a couple of days to get back to the energy level I was a week ago and life will carry on as normal. I just like to be a little dramatic from time to time!
I felt the worst on Friday night which is when the thought of cooking anything Slimming World friendly, or anything at all, or even choosing the lower calorie alternative from the takeaway, was too much, and I ended up eating cheese burger and chips. And it was glorious! But it’s not big or clever and I just felt so weak and pathetic that I thought sod it. Do you ever feel like that? And that’s how I got to be this size in the first place! The difference being though, that back then I was constantly eating bad stuff, not caring what it was doing to my body because I didn’t really care about myself. Without wanting to bring anyone down or get too deep, I didn’t really like myself very much and didn’t think anyone else cared much about me either, so what did it matter if I ate big bars of chocolate or family packets of crisps? No one cared. I didn’t care. So I carried on and on until that infamous moment where something just clicked inside me and it all changed. But I’m not perfect, and I still have occasional flashbacks to being that person but that’s all they are, flashbacks. I’m not her anymore. She was just in a lot of pain.
And I just want to say that if any of you find yourself feeling like I did, worthless … please please please know that you’re not. No matter how bad you might feel, or how bad someone is making you feel, there are people that care about you. I wish I had had someone say that to me a few years ago when I was in a very dark place, but I’m saying it to you right here, right now. People care. I care.
Phew. Moving on.
I’m off to Spain on Thursday for a press trip and there will be dinners, and vineyards, and more dinners, and Tapas, and wine and well … it’s going to be hard staying on the plan (#woeisme), but it’s only for four days and I hope to not to go too mad. I’m really looking forward to it because I’m hoping we can catch some autumn sunshine and sunshine always makes me smile, so it’s exactly what the doctor ordered. (Wouldn’t it be lovely if the doctor did actually prescribe a holiday to cure a cold!)
Listening to my Slimpod every night (click on link for more info) still ensures I don’t eat the quantities of food I used to, even if I don’t always make the right choices (Friday’s cheeseburger for example!) But I always stop eating before I feel full up, it’s so weird … it’s not something I ever consciously think about, I just automatically stop. And I still DO make good food choices most of the time, here are a couple from this week:
And I tried to freeze a Muller Light yogurt, but it turned out like coffee flavoured concrete:
Oooh and man-wise … all is quiet. Had a couple of dates, but nothing exciting to write home about. So I shan’t bother!
That’s about it for this week. Oh, hang on, I should tell you about my weigh-in shouldn’t it?
I stayed the same. Quite relieved I hadn’t put weight on tbh. (Total weight loss remains at 3 stones 1lb.) I’m now wearing size 16 jeans and have had another wardrobe clearout, including last year’s coats, which means that I have nothing to wear, but I’m loathe to fork out for expensive items like coats, so I doubt this is the last cold I have this season haha!
Here, have a London Victoria toilet selfie I took on Monday: