first experience of tinder



It’s lunchtime on a Wednesday and I should be on a date. Except I’m not. I’m sat in Marks & Spencer café nursing a tepid black coffee and eating a pain aux raisin I smuggled in from home. I’m so annoyed, that a man has made me eat carbs.


To explain. When I was in Italy, my lovely new friend mentioned Tinder and it’s not something I’ve been on before, so thought why not have a look to see what it’s like because, let’s be honest, it can’t be worse than Plenty of Fish. Oh how we laughed! But to be fair, in Italy, it was great! I tentatively swiped right when I saw someone hot, and to my shock, they had swiped right too. I thought that first one was a fluke, so swiped right again on the next guy … and sure enough, he had swiped right too. And not only that, they were actually messaging me. None of this ‘wait for her to message first’ BS, they were proactive, seemed to know what they want and OMG they were hot.


So that was Italy, and, of course, I didn’t actually meet anyone – but next time I definitely will.


“Let’s see what it’s like now I’m back in the UK,” I thought.


“It can’t be that bad!” I thought.


Yeah, it was worse.


Surprisingly, I’ve had a fair few men match with me but I kinda think this is probably because men are less selective and tend to swipe just for the ego boost of knowing a woman likes him too. I sound cynical, but honestly, I think that’s the case with a lot of men. I think I’m the anomaly in that I actually want to meet people. Silly me.


So let’s get back to why what happened today.


Steve – that’s his real name, no need for anonymity when you’re dealing with bellends – matched with me and messaged me first. And I won’t bore you with the details, but suffice to say we’ve been chatting for 3 days. First on Tinder, and then we swapped numbers, at his suggestion.


We talked about our jobs. He’s an architect apparently. Hates sport. Likes shopping. Owns a checked suit (the warning signs were there.) Says he has good teeth. Been single a year. Works from home. Etc, etc.


I noticed he’d gone completely offline at 3pm the day before – not stalking, just went to message him at night, realised he’d not been online so figured he was busy. (Oh I bet he was busy alright.)


“You’re hot,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said.


“I have to get back to work,” I said.

“Chat to me, it’s more fun,” he said.


“I’m a gentleman,” he said.

“That’s good to hear,” I said.


And so on. For three days.


And the reason I’m not having coffee with him right now? He’s blocked me. On Whatsapp at first. I noticed his profile picture had gone and I knew. I messaged him on Tinder to say, “What a waste of time. Well done.”  And he blocked me on there too.


So there you have it. My first experience of Tinder.


I’m annoyed that I’m annoyed. I’m annoyed he’s put me in a bad mood. And I’m annoyed that because of that bad mood I’ve just spent £20 in TK Maxx on shit I don’t need.


I’ve been writing about dating on and off for three years and as much as this is all good blog/book fodder, it’s also my life. Do you have any idea how hard it is to remain optimistic in an online world that treats you like this? (Answer:  very hard.)


“Don’t go looking for love,” they said, “it’ll happen when you least expect it.”


Bollocks. That’s what married people say because the idea of being proactive and seeking out a potential partner is alien to them – they honestly have zero idea how hard it is getting someone to have coffee with you, let alone have a relationship with you.


I don’t have the answers, but writing it all down helps. I know I’m not alone, and I know my friends go through exactly the same thing. But Christ, it begs the question, why? Why waste your time just for a little ego boost. I honestly don’t understand.


Sad, sad little man.


As for me, I’ve let myself have a little sulk and I feel OK now. I’m going to London on Saturday for a little reunion with some of the ladies I met in Italy and life, in general, is good.


Answers on a postcard.


kate sutton


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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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  1. I met my husband after I was 33 and had given up after dating seemingly 1000+ awful men. No internet dating then – we starting talking because I thought his friend was cute! He later told me the same thing – he had also given up on a serious relationship. I hope things work out better for you next time, since men should appreciate beautiful, smart, talented and funny.
    Off topic, but last week I enjoyed a pot of tea and a tea cake in an M&S cafe for the first time in 13 years. Only three days in England but I enjoyed every moment, including my discovery of Primark.

  2. I was toying (very vaguely) with the idea of going on Tinder now I’m single again as I assume its free and I am loathe to spend money on a dating site only to be put in a bad mood by bellends 🙂 If its going to happen at least let it be for free Lol! So anyway, you’ve kind of put me off. It’s a minefield. Men in the online dating world seem to be mostly knobs from what I can tell from reading your blog (and others). Maybe I should wait til I’m 80 and try and bag me a man down at the bowling green…

    1. I don’t mean to put you off Sam, just tell people what it’s really like out there. Equally, a friend of mine married someone she met on POF (I mean she is divorced now), and another is with a guy she met on Tinder. Perhaps I’m incredibly unlucky, but this does go on so it’s good to just have an open mind when you go into it and know what ‘could’ happen. It’s worth trying it out … at least the free ones 🙂 Oh, and then let me know how it goes!

      1. That’s it I’ve joined! Ha ha Am currently having the most frustratingly drawn out conversation known to man with a guy who lives nearby apparently. It leads one to wonder what all the delays are – is it game playing, too busy chatting to other women or just genuinely busy. *sigh*. Might end up sticking to that bowling green thing Even if he does ever suggest meeting up IRL it’s going to prove tricky I reckon what with him being resident parent of an 11 & 12 year old girls and me having the boys. Oh well improved my mood for five seconds!

        1. Ah good for you! It’s one thing me explaining how bad I find it, but it’s another trying it out for yourself. Ah yes, the delays. Very common and I think both reasons are applicable lol! Keep me posted x

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