Merry Christmas Eve Eve to you all. I’ve got time on my hands, time to reflect, so what am I doing? Doing my tax return? Nope, already done that. Wrapping presents? Erm, that’s a Christmas Eve thing surely? No, I’m sitting here watching ‘GPs behind closed doors’ – the programme, I’m not actually at the Dr’s surgery – trying not to get thoroughly depressed … about a man who is thoroughly depressed. That’s the funny thing about being single, especially at times like Christmas, when you’re not Sellotaping your fingers together to rogue pieces of tinsel, you have that extra time and headspace to think about things. Sometimes that’s a good thing, sometimes, not so much.
But there is a big difference between being alone at Christmas and being lonely. I may be single and alone – after all, when you are the parent of a tween, you never see them because they’re in their bedroom most of the time and only visit for food and requisite chauffeuring duties – but I can honestly say that I don’t feel lonely. It’s something I’ve been thinking about more and more lately because the longer I’m single, the more I ask myself whether I will ever be brave/stupid enough to have a relationship again. And I think I have figured out my thoughts on the subject.
I think that when you are truly happy with who you are, where you’re at, and who you choose to surround yourself with, even if you are sat in front of the TV on your own on Christmas Eve Eve watching ridiculously banal television programmes, you’re never really lonely. Because once you have felt true lonliness when you’re actually in a relationship, being alone is then never a bad thing. So you find yourself perhaps wanting a relationship, but never needing one.
I’m not sure if that makes sense – it does in my head.
But that’s where I’m at I guess. On the brink of more wonderful opportunities for 2016, although winning the lottery would also be a bonus, but I’ve been proactive and sought out opportunities, instead of waiting for them to come to me. I’m considering returning to work in London – a big step, but a job has strangely presented itself that would be perfect for me (if I can negotiate certain aspects of it), and for once, I can look back at this year and not feel bummed out. I’ve had a great, albeit imperfect year. A bit of an oxymoron, but I think what I’ve found in the last three years on my own is peace, and that’s definitely something to be celebrated.
So onwards and upwards my lovely readers! I’m still passionate about WitWitWoo, even if I can’t write as often as I would like, I still care a great deal about my little corner of the internet, the people who read my words and take the time to comment and the friends I’ve made along the way.
(This has become a bit of an Oscar speech, sorry bout that.) #Gwynnie
Anyway, I suppose I better wrap some presents. I may have even snuck a few to myself in there too!
Merry Christmas everyone!