I was feeling surprisingly chipper last Sunday morning considering I had gone out the night before. That’s right. I. WENT. OUT. ON. A. SATURDAY. NIGHT.
I feel the need to shout because going out with the girls is a rare occurrence these days. I’m not quite sure what’s happened to me lately but I seem to have lost my mojo somewhat. The last time I went out with my friends for a night out was over a year ago … isn’t that terrible? And as I got ready on Saturday night, I felt anxious. Nervous. Worried. Not like me at all.
I mentioned how I was feeling to my eldest and we had a good chat about it. Dexter had made a minor comment to me about going out, which left me feeling really guilty, but Ben made me see some sense. I guess I was just looking for someone to tell me that I have every right to have my own social life … that Dexter can survive one night without me. He also said I’m not getting any younger and really need to start going out more!
Kids eh … got a real way with words.
But he was right. He mentioned that his friends’ mums all go out and one of them was, shock horror, 50! I’m 45 this month and he’s right. It’s so easy to get stuck in a rut, in a vicious circle of work/kids/sleep that sometimes you just need to give yourself a kick up the backside and do it!
So that’s what I did last Saturday. A friend had had her heart broken a little the week before and what better reason to go out for a few drinks with her? There was a soul evening on at a pub nearby and I knew that everyone there would probably be around my age, so I think I felt a little less … threatened?
THESE BLURRED PICS SUM UP OUR NIGHT OUT!
I tried not to listen to the little voice in my head that was telling me people would be looking at me and thinking how fat I was. It’s a voice I try and push to the back of my mind all the time, but it resurfaces at the most inopportune moments … like when I’m about to go out. But my best friend came round and we had a couple of drinks each and that calmed me down a bit.
I stuck with my plain black jeans, black vest and a lightweight kimono top because I find ‘going out’ clothes quite tricky at my age and size. I don’t want to flash too much flesh, but equally I don’t want to look frumpy. Oh, and another issue is that I’m really rubbish at wearing high heels for long periods of time so needed to find something that was at least semi-comfortable! A nice pair of flat Scholl sandals will do me! (Kidding, I’m not that bad. At least not yet …)
The evening wasn’t what we expected, insofar as the music was rubbish and the whole event was a bit of a rip-off, but it was really good just to be out with my friends again. I see my best friend all the time but it’s a different experience going to a bar and actually socializing with other people! I’m out of practice and it’s not helped by the fact that there really isn’t that much to do where I live – I don’t like going to pubs because they’re full of youngsters, a meal is boring, and there aren’t many live gigs happening that I’d be interested in … so I’m not really sure what the answer is, other than to travel further afield.
VERY SWEATY (so sexy)
But at least I did something. It’s not that I’m unhappy staying in, on the contrary – remember I wrote about how staying in was the new going out? But it’s so easy to become a hermit, especially as I work from home, that sometimes its good to force myself to go out.
Forty-five is a tricky age. It’s a time when I had always expected to be settled, in love, in my own house and not having to worry about anything. Instead, well … life hasn’t really turned out that way. Ho hum … life goes on and I’m trying to make the best of it but I don’t want to wake up one day and think, blimey, what have I done with my life.
I have a LOT to be thankful for, friends being just one thing I’m lucky to have, and I need to make sure I remind myself of that … over a beer or two once a month!
Do any of you find yourself in a bit of a rut?