witwitwoo

 

 

 

Dexter breaks up from school today and, suffice to say, he’s really looking forward it. As for me … well, the life of a freelancer would dictate that I don’t actually get a break at all, but I have been wondering whether I would be able to find the time and money somehow to have one night away somewhere over the next few weeks.

 

I’ve scoured Lastminute.com and Groupon for cheap deals and have done the obligatory shout-out on social media, but nothing has really presented itself. But the more I thought about it, the more I wondered whether it was worth even bothering with at all.

 

Dexter’s at the age where he’s quite happy staying at home – that’s not to say he wouldn’t enjoy going away – if I can make a weekend in Dover fun, I can make anything fun, but at aged nearly 11 everything’s awfully Kevin & Perry right now. I know he’d love going abroad but tough luck kid, it’s one night in an English B&B or nothing.

 

As I sat in Costa this morning and thought about the logistics of going away, I felt so exhausted by it all. Being a single parent is just so tiring. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boys more than life itself, and I’m so SO much happier on my own than in a miserable relationship BUT … sometimes, just sometimes, I’d love to have someone with me to share the burden. To do the packing. The driving. The earning of the money to be able to afford just one night away. Someone to say, “Relax Kate, I’ve got this.”

 

I’ve never been one to ask for pity, in fact I can’t think of anything worse, but people just don’t realise how hard being a single parent is. Even something as wonderfully simply as travelling can feel like a chore when you’re doing it all on your own.

 

But here’s the dilemma. If I DON’T just get on with it, and carry on doing it all, I will end up doing nothing. I have to be the one to be proactive. To be positive. To come up with the ideas. The money. Do the research. Get Dexter excited enough to want to leave his beloved PS3 behind for a day. And I know that once we’re there, we have a great time. It’s just everything beforehand.

 

I really want to see more of the UK this year (and the Caribbean of course!) and maybe today’s thoughts are just a little muddied because I’m tired. Tired and restless. I feel constantly in the way whilst living at Dad’s and I just hope that once I move into my new house everything will settle and I will have a renewed sense of energy once more.

 

I watch some of my favourite vloggers travel around the country at, what seems like the drop of a hat, and I’ll be honest, I’m a little jealous. The ‘perfect’ family unit. Nice houses, nice cars, gorgeous kids. And I feel like an outsider. A single, older, skint mother that just doesn’t have that life. I often question whether anyone would be remotely interested in my vlogs because we’re just not like that. But I still film some of our/my little adventures just because I enjoy the process and I hope that maybe someone, somewhere, might feel a little less alone if they’re going through some of the things I go through.

 

Urgh. Look, ignore me. It’s just one of those days, but if I don’t let it out here, there’s no other bugger around to listen 🙂

 

Over and out.

 

 

 

 

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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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21 Comments

  1. Think all single mums feel like this at least once a week. Everywhere you look are people in a 2.4 lifestyle all hearts and flowers but we just see a snapshot into their lives they are not always stronger or happier. Always in ore of your positivity x

    1. Thanks so much Fiona, I’m probably beating myself up for feeling like this because I’m a pretty positive person most of the time but you’re right, as a single parent, I think it’s probably OK to feel overwhelmed occasionally! x

  2. Aww Kate!! this doesn’t just happen to single parents, parenting is hard and exhausting probably because we are all desperate to do the right thing. Also, people can be in relationships and still not have that sort of partner. But not living in your own place with children, be it that they are not toddlers, must be tiring and stressful. Social media can also be a curse because sometimes we forget that lots of people only show the parts they want you to see. I know you know all this but just wanted to reach out to you. I hope it gets better soon. Take care x

  3. I know exactly what you mean Kate, in fact I wrote a short post about it recently on my Nash Reviews blog. I feel like I’ve lost my confidence to travel abroad with my 7 and a half year old since becoming a single parent and am not sure whether we are going to get round to it this year or end up in a caravan in this country again. Either way, I know we’ll have a fab time because we’re spending quality time together but right now every time I think about it I’m getting flustered! People just say get on with it, but it’s not always that easy, even for reasonably confident people!

    1. I’m so glad you ‘get it’! I’m confident in most areas of my life, even travelling abroad with Dexter … but I’m just in this weird place where I don’t know if I can manage it. Ironically, were I to have a break I’d probably feel much more in the right frame of mind! Catch 22 lol x

  4. I hear you! However, even when you have a partner to share the load, it isn’t all roses! You still end up doing the packing, the clothes washing beforehand, and again when you get back, you have to discuss and perhaps compromise on destinations, excursions, eating etc. even more so when the kids are old enough to want a say as well. Keeping the peace in the back of the car while navigating and calming a fed up driver?
    Now we have the motorhome and it is just us, it is much better, but it isn’t all roses!
    Chin up, why not be a tourist in your own town? Pretend to be foreigners and speak in an american accent and ask for directions to places? Visit the library and get some tourist information? go down those little alleyways you wouldn’t normally and see where they lead to? Look at the plaques and find out more about the people on them? who knows what you may find out?
    Make home a B&B for the night? doll up your pillow with a chocolate, get Dexter to make breakfast for you all? second thoughts – maybe not!
    Time will sort it all out, and by the time you are in your new place, life will be better. Just hang on and make do and mend. Good Luck and Happy Easter.

    1. Oh H, you do make me laugh! I love the idea of talking in an American accent (we do that at home far too much as it is lol) but I like the idea of freaking everyone out in my hometown. And I also like the idea of making my room a B&B … although I’m battling with the PS3 if I stay here. But maybe if I were to go away for a night that’s not too far away, it might all feel a little less daunting. Thanks for the comment and sound advice!

  5. This post echos exactly what I’ve been thin king for the past couple of weeks 🙂 Have you tried airbnb for one night breaks? Some fab options. We’re off to a caravan in Weymouth but L is only 4 so she’s easily pleased with a pool and soft play xx

    1. Someone else mentioned AirBnB, so thanks for the reminder. I think what I was trying to say was that even the thought of making plans feels exhausting right now. 4 year olds are pretty easy to please from what I remember … you wait till she gets to ten lol! 😉 x

  6. from where I sit it looks like you do a brilliant job. I have no idea what it’s like but I know I sure feel it’s hard even in a two parent family so I have utmost respect for you. You do deserve a break and I hope you get one. I rarely get a break and I have to admit something that feels wrong to say out loud: sometimes I feel slight envy of my sister/ friends who are single parents (but who have an ex still involved with the kids) who get a weekend off every couple of weeks. Obviously I don’t want to be single at all though, and love my husband! Take it easy on yourself Kate. Xxx

    1. Thanks Sharon. I rarely give into this feeling, not sure why I did today, but better out than in lol. I totally get that feeling of jealousy about having the occasional weekend off if you’re single and the other parent is involved – I wish I had that. But we all have the occasional jealousy pangs, I’m sure it’s normal x

  7. I hear you! That being said, I just booked flights for me and the mini me to spend a few days in Denmark at the end tail of half term! One of the good things about the Budget is they cut air tax on under 12’s! Her flight out was £1.99 rather than £14.99 Not the BIGGEST saving in the world for a holiday but I was so proud of nearly getting her flight for free (well, one leg of it!) that it made me feel all superwoman and now not stress about the rest of the logistics as much…
    You are also a superwoman Kate! It will work out – my point is that there’s always a way – you’ll find a way to make your travel wants happen too! I’m still envious of your Paris trip by the way!!

    1. Thanks Tinuke! I am inspired by your jaunts away too you know … and Denmark sounds amazing! I think if I had a little more cash, I’d be more enthusiastic about travelling but I don’t lol. It is what it is and things will get better (great news bout the tax!) I LOVE travelling with Dexter, I really do … I just need to find my mojo again I think x

  8. Re your penultimate paragraph, remember that LOTS of people only show the good times. Behind the camera/blog it will be a shite as you’re feeling at the moment but only you have the balls to say it. It’s good to moan about it – life isn’t perfect and it isn’t easy. Sugar-coating it all doesn’t help.

    I wish there was a wand I could wave to make something happen for you so you had a “few days off” but I’ll always be here for a quick moan and a virtual brew.

  9. Hi Kate, I think it’s good to get all this out. I recently did bite the bullet and took the car over to France for a few days. Cheap. Hard. Idiotic, really, but it was good to be away. I stood up late the night before preparing meals for my students wishing it wasn’t just me doing absolutely everything – printing off maps for places I had no clue about and wondering what on earth I’d let myself in for. I drove the whole lot myself – even went to Belgium for lunch. With a bit of planning (and no students to sort) you can do it and take your lap top. Long lunches are a must. Also, you’re always welcome to come and stay here and we can off load our feelings of being overwhelmed and leave them behind. The more honest posts like this I read, the less everything hurts, so thank you x

    1. I saw you were off travelling and I doth my cap to you young lady! Seriously inspiring stuff! I was just having a bad day and need to vent, and feel so much better for it. I really need to come down and see you! x

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