Dexter breaks up from school today and, suffice to say, he’s really looking forward it. As for me … well, the life of a freelancer would dictate that I don’t actually get a break at all, but I have been wondering whether I would be able to find the time and money somehow to have one night away somewhere over the next few weeks.
I’ve scoured Lastminute.com and Groupon for cheap deals and have done the obligatory shout-out on social media, but nothing has really presented itself. But the more I thought about it, the more I wondered whether it was worth even bothering with at all.
Dexter’s at the age where he’s quite happy staying at home – that’s not to say he wouldn’t enjoy going away – if I can make a weekend in Dover fun, I can make anything fun, but at aged nearly 11 everything’s awfully Kevin & Perry right now. I know he’d love going abroad but tough luck kid, it’s one night in an English B&B or nothing.
As I sat in Costa this morning and thought about the logistics of going away, I felt so exhausted by it all. Being a single parent is just so tiring. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boys more than life itself, and I’m so SO much happier on my own than in a miserable relationship BUT … sometimes, just sometimes, I’d love to have someone with me to share the burden. To do the packing. The driving. The earning of the money to be able to afford just one night away. Someone to say, “Relax Kate, I’ve got this.”
I’ve never been one to ask for pity, in fact I can’t think of anything worse, but people just don’t realise how hard being a single parent is. Even something as wonderfully simply as travelling can feel like a chore when you’re doing it all on your own.
But here’s the dilemma. If I DON’T just get on with it, and carry on doing it all, I will end up doing nothing. I have to be the one to be proactive. To be positive. To come up with the ideas. The money. Do the research. Get Dexter excited enough to want to leave his beloved PS3 behind for a day. And I know that once we’re there, we have a great time. It’s just everything beforehand.
I really want to see more of the UK this year (and the Caribbean of course!) and maybe today’s thoughts are just a little muddied because I’m tired. Tired and restless. I feel constantly in the way whilst living at Dad’s and I just hope that once I move into my new house everything will settle and I will have a renewed sense of energy once more.
I watch some of my favourite vloggers travel around the country at, what seems like the drop of a hat, and I’ll be honest, I’m a little jealous. The ‘perfect’ family unit. Nice houses, nice cars, gorgeous kids. And I feel like an outsider. A single, older, skint mother that just doesn’t have that life. I often question whether anyone would be remotely interested in my vlogs because we’re just not like that. But I still film some of our/my little adventures just because I enjoy the process and I hope that maybe someone, somewhere, might feel a little less alone if they’re going through some of the things I go through.
Urgh. Look, ignore me. It’s just one of those days, but if I don’t let it out here, there’s no other bugger around to listen 🙂
Over and out.