As I mentioned in my last dating post, I have been given a month’s free subscription to Match.com. I thought you might like to know how it’s going.

 

It’s not really.

 

To be fair, I haven’t had the time this week to dedicate to finding a date, but someone did message me today.

 

So this guy was 47, and he sent me quite a long message, which in itself is unusual because most men just say hi and expect you to be impressed by their literary prowess. But this guy had gone to the trouble of saying how lovely I looked and how impressed he was with my profile. Now bearing in mind that my profile consists of one sentence, I get the feeling that he may just be sending this circular email to a lot of women. Anyway, he started wanging on about something or other but if his message and profile took my fancy, to make contact with him.

 

Unfortunately, his profile didn’t take my interest at all. It’s just one of those things. I didn’t fancy him or find him remotely interesting. I know that I’m an acquired taste and I don’t expect everyone to like what they see, and from the “You’re fat!” comments, they don’t. It is what it is. Now normally I just don’t reply to messages from people I’m not interested in. Quite frankly, I don’t have the time, but this guy had seemingly gone to at least some trouble of cutting and pasting so I thought I would, on this occasion, reply. It went along the lines of:

 

“Thanks a lot for your message I’m getting in touch. I’m really sorry, but you’re just not my type and I thought it would be fairer just to let you know. Thanks again for messaging me and good luck with your search.”

 

I naïvely thought that he might ‘appreciate’ my honesty and the fact that I bothered to reply because at least this way he knew where he stood.

 

But apparently not. He replied:

 

“You and everyone else here say I’m not their type. How depressing is that.”

 

Whoa there!

 

So I asked him if he would have preferred that I hadn’t responded at all. He said, “When you don’t get a reply, you don’t feel the rejection personally.”

 

See now I’m confused. Whenever I haven’t replied to men, I’ve been called out for being rude and, I quote, ‘up my own arse,’ … but when I do reply I’m sending men into spiralling pits of depression!

 

*sigh*

 

It’s really hard knowing what to do for the best. It’s not in my nature to be mean or horrible to anyone but when it comes to online dating, normal rules don’t seem to apply.

 

Will I be polite and respond in future, or ignore messages from people I’m not interested in? Well sadly, I think I’ll just ignore them. I figured I was doing the right thing by being polite but apparently not. It’s a shame but it feels like men on dating sites just want it all their own way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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8 Comments

  1. I fail to see how you could have been more diplomatic, and I’d much rather have a “thanks, but you’re not for me” than be ignored as the latter would just send my over-active imagination into a spiral of wondering what I’d done wrong. It seems to be one of those “no win” situations though.

    1. I think online dating as a whole is a ‘no win’ situation lol. But you’re right, sometimes you’re damned if you do, and if you don’t too. The good thing is, I’ve developed a thick skin so don’t spend too much time worrying about it. Actually, I’m not sure whether having a thick skin is such a good thing or not …

  2. I feel for you. Again this is another reason why I’m not participating in the online dating right now. You don’t reply, you get abuse. You do & again you get abuse. There just seems to rules to online dating. To me, I want s partner who has some basic manners & I really don’t think that is what I will find online.

    I’ve reached the point it’s just too much stress before you even get to arranging the first date.

    Guess I’m destined to be single.

    1. I doubt you’re destined to be single forever but online dating isn’t for everyone – I find you need to have a really thick skin not to take things really personally (I’ve been called fat on many occasions), and it’s not as easy to meet ‘normal’ people as it used to be. Not really sure why if I’m honest, but I guess I just remain ever the optimist.

  3. I’ll be honest, I’m not having much luck with my Match subscription either. Those that email me I’m not interested in (so I don’t reply!), and those I email obviously aren’t interested in me because they don’t reply!
    It’s tough out there!

    1. It really IS tough! No-one appreciates it I don’t think. It’s certainly a lot harder to date online now than it was 2 years ago, and I’m not really sure why it’s changed so much.

  4. I’ve not been brilliantly successful with online dating either. The first guy I properly started seeing eventually admitted that he was still living (and in love with) his wife. The second was gorgeous but so boring that I wanted to slit my own throat.

    Met a guy on Twitter recently. Much better!

    Good luck with it. You never know who’s just round the corner. xx

    1. I’m kinda glad I’m not the only one who’s finding online dating difficult – it’s hard not to take it personally isn’t it? I dated a guy from Twitter too … that didn’t really go to plan either lol. But thanks … I weirdly remain optimistic! x

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