should i date a woman with kids



I thought it was time for a dating update. Things have been quiet. Very quiet. I am out of the habit of dating, nor have I had the inclination to bother. I check my messages on the free dating site perhaps once a day, in the hope that my preconceptions about the site will one day be proved wrong. And then I got this message on Friday.


you look fat


This is not the first time I’ve received a message like this. And whilst I continue to put myself out there, I doubt it will be the last. But I don’t really want to dwell on it too much, because if I do I am not sure whether I would ever date again.


Receiving another nasty message like this made me re-evaluate things somewhat. This month has been one of change. My house situation, work, I even cut all my hair off!  So maybe I need to change how I date?


As I was going through this thought process, I received a message from a paid dating site, one affiliated with a well-known broadsheet newspaper. Beginning with G. I signed up to this site probably six months ago, but never paid a subscription. I was more of a voyeur. Honestly, it was the same situation I have faced before … men my age want to date younger women and it’s only older men that want to date me.


The message I received was from a man aged 52, which I thought might be something I should perhaps consider. He had some good beard action, no hair, in fact it looks a bit like Charles Bronson, but I let that slide. On paper we had a lot of similar interests. He seemed very cultured (unlike me!) but loved films, books, theatre … he just seemed really interesting.


We spent two days messaging each other until I looked at his profile closer and realised that he doesn’t have any children. It’s not a deal breaker but it certainly makes me think twice if I’m honest. I have been out with a guy that’s doesn’t have children before and found him to be rather selfish if truth be told.


So I thought it would be better to approach the subject earlier rather than later, and so I said to him “I’ve noticed you don’t have children, do you have any issues dating women that do?”


I wasn’t sure what response to expect. Personally, I think being a mother has made me a much better person and enriched my life so much I can’t see it ever being a negative thing. He sees it in another way completely apparently.


He replied that he “doubts he could become fully engaged in a family style relationship where he’s totally engaged with someone’s children.”


Umm … OK.


As much as I appreciated his honesty, I’m not really sure what he expected me to say? I make it crystal clear I have two children on my dating profile, I’m 44, so I would say there is a high chance of children being in my life and he is the one who has chosen to start a conversation with me. Did he honestly think that I would compartmentalise my life so that I would only ever spend time with him OR my children?


Life just doesn’t work like that. At least not for me. And as much as I wouldn’t exactly bring the kids along to a first date (or 2nd, 3rd or 8th), they are a HUGE part of my life. I understand he’s probably been hurt before. I get it, I really do. When children are involved, and a relationship doesn’t work out, you’re not just saying goodbye to a partner … more hearts get broken.


But isn’t it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?


I’ve never dated a man with children so I’m being somewhat judgemental I guess as I’ve never been in that position … BUT, I’m definitely open to the option of dating a man with kids.  It’s a risk I’m willing to take.


It’s this guy’s perogative not to date me (although I would probably recommend him not contacting me in the first place), but hey, at least he didn’t call me fat. He actually thought I was pretty awesome, so I’m a little disappointed.








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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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  1. Firstly, I cant believe you were sent a message like that! I bet he was a real looker too *rolls-eyes* Secondly, totally agree with you, why did the other guy email you in the first place? He must have read your profile like you say, maybe he thought you could pack your kids off every time you met?! Hey ho, like you say, onwards & upwards xx

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