For those readers who also happen to be Facebook friends, you will know that I had a date last week. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect as the night before I had received that message from that random guy, calling me fat – you can read about that here. Anyway, I had already arranged to meet another guy.
So this guy and I met at Costa (obviously … I pretty much live there), you know, just to check he’s not a loon, and the date went really well. I mean really well. So much so, that when I went AWOL on Facebook for *ahem* several hours, my friends were SO worried, they hijacked my Facebook thread with, shall we say, ‘suggestions’ of what I was up to.
ANYWAY … I had a great conversation with my date. He was smart, not afraid of a good debate (not a mass one) … and most entertaining. We got talking about dating and the stage of life that we were both at, ie. mid 40’s. His situation is ‘complicated’ shall we say, and I knew that going in. And, if I’m honest, it actually suits me.
What I mean is this. I don’t have to get involved with what’s going on with his home life – his children, his job, his ex … and he doesn’t have to be involved with mine. We both have lives we enjoy … just as they are … and all that’s missing is company from the opposite sex. This way, we can maintain a ‘Level of Loveliness’ with each other. We will enjoy each other’s company while we CHOOSE to have it. There will be no expectations on either side. We will see each other as long as it suits us.
Because what has become clear as I’ve got older is that finding love again is hard. I don’t just mean a little tricky … I mean it’s really, really hard. Everyone has more baggage than they can carry, not many people even want to date a 44 year old woman in the first place, even someone as awesome as me! And it all just seems so …. impossible. Everything is just so different now. And I’m not even sure when it all changed.
But it did.
I’ve been single for so long that I find it quite difficult to see how a man could fit into the life that I’ve made for Dexter and I and, although I’m not averse to being swept off my feet (as unlikely as that is to happen) … I think I just feel differently about everything now. That’s the trouble with being on your own … the longer it continues, the more likely it is that it will stay that way.
So, for the time being, I intend to take this level of loveliness I have with this guy, whilst it’s on offer, and for as long as it makes me happy. If I meet someone in the meantime, I may (or may not) revise my requirements. But as you get older, you start to think about what you really want, as opposed to what you should have. It’s liberating actually. I have no desire for having more children (God forbid), I don’t need/want to get married again, I don’t need anyone in my life.
I like my life the way it is … with just the occasional cherry on top.
PS. A Twitter friend read this post and said: “It’s hard to let go of wanting to share your life with someone though.” I think what I’m trying, in a round about way, to say is … that you don’t have to let go of that idea but just be open to other scenarios. Look past what tradition says we ‘must’ do – mate for life – and think about who can possibly add sparkle to the life you already have. I tried traditional … twice … and it didn’t work. At least for me. So maybe the person I am now, shaped by events I’ve been through, is ready to think again about how, and if, someone can add ‘value’ to my life. But that doesn’t mean they have to be with me all the time.