It’s not often that I put money aside to spend on myself. Mainly because I never have what one might consider ‘spare’ cash. But there you have it, I have actually gone ahead and decided that for once, I’m going to treat myself.
It wasn’t an easy decision.
In fact, I actually had the following conversations in my head:
“Do I need anything for the house? I’ve got those lovely green dining room chairs from Atlantic Shopping … WHICH I MADE MYSELF (you can have a read about that here) … (who, btw, are currently running a Halloween competition – where you could win £500 to spend on dining room sets, chairs and tables) … I’ve got my eBay sideboard and a bed. I’ve got seventy billion candles. Do I really need anything else?”
“Does Dexter need anymore clothes? (We went to Base Fashion last week and I bought him lots of ‘smart’ clothes for our Yorkshire holiday.) Oh, and a coat. Oh, and football trainers and boots. He’s OK for now. But is he though? Yes Kate … he is!”
It was only then that I stopped making excuses and realised that there was no reason why I shouldn’t buy something for myself.
But why do I find it so hard? Why do I feel so guilty?
I remember when I worked in a dry cleaners as a Saturday girl and even though I only earned £1.35 per hour (yes, I’m really that old), I still managed to go clubbing four times a week AND buy new clothes. God, I sound like my Dad. But I wouldn’t think twice about spending every last penny I had on myself and yet now, fast forward nearly 30 years, I seem to always find excuses not to spend it on myself.
Perhaps it’s because money IS so scarce and so I just always end up feeling guilty. Or maybe I’m just so used to putting my boys at the top of my list (and rightfully so) that it feels uncomfortable to put myself there instead. But actually, when I think about it, it can only be a good example to set for my boys … showing them that I value myself.
For me, it’s not just about the money – it’s about the principle. I would be the first person to suggest to a friend that she should look after herself, to treat herself well, and I really should start practicing what I preach. Whether that’s making sure my inner dialogue is full of positivity, or ensuring I make time to do things that make me smile … it’s all important right? So the amount of money I’m spending is irrelevant really … it’s more about the process of making the decision to put myself first.
I’d be interested to know if I’m alone in feeling like this. Do you feel guilty treating yourself?
* In association with Base Fashion.