I’m back from Rhodes and am feeling a little fragile. That’s either down to the lack of sleep or the fish bowl I drank from … along with an assortment of other bloggers. But that’s another story. (Review of holiday to follow.)
I’ve definitely landed home with a bump – Dexter has his 11+ tomorrow and Wednesday and my eldest, Ben, is back to Uni on Saturday.
I don’t mind admitting, I’m a bit of an emotional wreck.
Of course, I’m doing that swan thing us Mums do … I can’t afford to fall apart, but underneath it all I’m wondering how on earth I’m going to get through the week. I mean I will, obviously, but I’m not always as tough as I look and this week is hard for me.
Ben sat on the bed with me last night (once he was feeling in a sociable mood as he’d been to a festival last weekend!) and he just mentioned in passing that he was going back to Uni this Saturday. What he actually meant was ‘Don’t forget you’re giving me a lift to Bournemouth Mum.’
I promptly burst into tears.
I’m not a tearful person by nature and so I think it took both of us by surprise, but as I sit here typing this (in my M&S café), I can feel the tears well up again. THIS IS NOT LIKE ME AT ALL! But we’ve grown really close over the summer and I know I’ll see him again at Christmas but God I’ll miss that boy. He might be 19 now and he is definitely his own person, but it’s been so lovely having my family of three back together for the past few months. With him gone it will feel like a part of me … a part of ‘us’ is missing.
It’s hard to explain. I’m waffling. And crying.
Moving on …
So Dexter and I have put a lot of time and effort into preparing for tomorrow’s 11+ test during the summer holiday. He’s been to the Tuition Centre and done a couple of workshops and practice papers … I had decided that he didn’t need 1:1 tuition. The thing is, he’s a top set boy and is more than capable of passing this test BUT … what he does lack is self belief. I’m hoping, and the signs are good, that by doing practice papers in a test environment has a) taken the fear out of the situation and b) boosted his confidence.
We had a wobble mid August when he panicked in one test and consequently had to leave the verbal reasoning test because he just got too stressed. Poor sod. Other than that, he’s done well.
But anyway, the day is nearly upon us and I have every confidence in him. I’ve been so proud of the way he’s approached this, the worries and panicking aside, and of course, he will be rewarded, no matter what the outcome is.
This week is a big reminder that my boys are growing up/have grown up and it makes me equally sad and proud. I don’t have anyone to share the good or the bad and that makes me incredibly sad too.
My Mum would have been proud of my kids, I know she would, I just wish she was here to share it all. And I think that’s a big part of these tears … people who should be here, aren’t and some people just don’t care either way. It all seems rather unfair.
Anyway, onwards. Tomorrow is a big day and, providing I’ve stopped crying by then, I’m looking forward to it all being over and done with by Thursday. It seems awfully clinically to test a kid so young when he is so much more than 150 minutes of academia.
I’ll keep you all posted … but in the meantime, tell me a joke to cheer me up!