I read an article in the Independent today (yes I read broadsheets … don’t look so surprised) about the most successful words to use to describe yourself on a dating site … the words that have the best chances of attracting the opposite sex.


Ahem … they are as follows:


Men:    Perceptive, Passionate, Optimistic, Physically Fit


Women:  Sweet, Ambitious, Thoughtful


Oh dear.  What an arsehattery crock of the proverbial.  Now I’m not saying the research isn’t true, to be honest I don’t personally have the time to dissect 12,000 online dating profiles so I’m taking their word for it, but the word ‘SWEET’ being seen as one of the most ‘successful’ words to use to attract the opposite sex?  Christ on a bike … I don’t think I’ve been called sweet for 38 years.


Sweet.  SWEET.  Isn’t that what little girls are?  Girls that do as they’re told and don’t cause a fuss.  Girls that are shy and quiet and do as they’re told.  OH!


Where are the words ‘SMART’ or ‘INTELLIGENT?’   Where’s ‘FUNNY’ or ‘HARD-WORKING?’  Where’s ‘STRONG’ or ‘KIND’?


At least ‘ambitious’ is there … it makes me feel a little better to think that men might actually like women with ambition.  As for ‘thoughtful’ … is that so that the woman can remember to buy the man’s mum a birthday card or remember to put out on a Wednesday night after football?  Jesus, what century are we living in?


I dunno.  Maybe I’m just a little (lot) cynical about the whole online dating thing but a man’s desire for women to be ‘sweet’ really grates.  It just reinforces my whole ethos about men being scared of strong women.


I’ve had a little break from dating so I think I’m going to test this research and put my dating profile back online, adding the word ‘sweet’ to my profile and see what happens.


I don’t think anything will happen, and here’s why.  Men aren’t interested in a woman’s written description, they’re only interested in the photos.  Tell a lie, they will look at what age a woman is but the discrimination there is best saved for another post.  So I’m actually surprised to read that men even notice what words a woman uses – as long as a woman is fit, I don’t think they care for a woman’s wit or intelligence.


(And yes, before you say it, I’m generalising!)


Women definitely look at a man’s dating profile, I know I certainly do, and maybe subconsciously I’d look for the words:  Funny, smart, creative.  A man’s physical fitness is so irrelevant.  “Yeah sorry, I can’t date you, you don’t prescribe to the national suggested requirement of working out three times a week.”


Make me laugh, talk to me about books and films, share the same values as me, kiss me like there’s no tomorrow and (eventually) love my kids … and I’m pretty sure we’d get on.  Sweet I might not be … but I have 1 or 2 other things to offer.


Does the word ‘sweet’ irritate the bejesus out of you too?



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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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