As you may have gathered from my last dating post, the whole ‘falling in love’ thing isn’t going too well. I went out with a long term friend, who’s in the very same position as I am, to talk about it and see what the dealio was.
We’re both in our 40’s, both single parents, and neither of us are pushovers by any stretch of the imagination … lessons learnt from previous relationships may have meant we’ve had to develop somewhat of a hard outer shell but underneath it all, we’re big softies really.
Having both dated online, it was interesting to compare stories and one theme kept cropping up, and it’s quite a major one.
Why are men scared of strong women?
Because you see … my friend and I, we don’t actually NEED a man. We just WANT one to enhance a life that we already have.
We both have great jobs we love and don’t need to rely on a man for money. We’ve been single parents for years and, as exhausting as it is, we do a great job parenting on our own (me solely on my own, her with occasional interludes from her ex.) We have our own homes. Social lives. Friends. Family. Love. We can tackle the DIY (I’m still proud that I put a table and chairs together on my own.) We drive. We laugh … A LOT. We’re happy.
I think all of the above comes across when you talk to us, either in person or online … there is no desperation at all from us (thank God) and so men (some, not all) wonder where they would fit in.
I’d like a man in my life to share what I already have and to create new memories with. Someone to go on silly adventures with, watch amazing films with, laugh with, cook with, dance with. Someone to kiss. Someone to discuss how wonderful my latest book is. Someone to cheer me on and for me to do the same.
I don’t need protecting. I don’t need money. I don’t NEED anything from a man that I don’t already have.
But I WANT a man in my life … and that’s a massive difference.
The trouble is, I’m not sure there are many men out there who can appreciate this – that whole caveman thing … yeah, I don’t need that thanks.
Men are intimated by what they perceive to be strong women, which is a shame. A strong woman isn’t any less ‘deserving’ of a man’s love just because she’s independent, and I guess if a man is put off by what he perceives as a woman being ‘too strong’ then he’s not the right man for me.
I can’t be something I’m not but I can be a loving partner. The trick is finding someone that understands the difference between NEED and WANT.
I know I’m generalising, but I’m allowed to, it’s my blog! … and no doubt there will be men (and women of course) who will say “But I LOVE strong women!) But you’re not the ones on dating sites coming across men like this day to day … I don’t make this up just for something to talk about, it happens.
But there will be someone out there who isn’t intimidated by me … it’s just a case of being patient.