Two weeks ago, I went back to the gym for the first time in six months (see serious gym face above.)
I’m not built for exercise (clearly … #TheGirls) and I’m especially not built for running. As much as I’ve always gone to gyms, I’ve never found it easy. I’m 43, overweight and if I’m honest, I was somewhat embarrassed turning up in my lycra leggings and vest top. However, I seem to have found a routine that suits me and although I’ve only been to the gym a few times, I’m enjoying the feeling I get afterwards. During my workout, not so much.
You see I’ve let exercise stop being a priority. That’s easy to do when your life is in total turmoil, the last thing you want to do is look after yourself. It’s very sad, not caring about yourself like that isn’t it? I’m be the first person to make sure my loved ones are OK, it’s in my nature, but when it comes to myself, I’m not great at taking the care I should.
However, I felt a shift in mindset a couple of months ago, mid house-move, and things just seemed to click into place. I had a sudden realisation that I was important. It’s funny saying that out loud, because of course we are all important, but (and I don’t know if this is just a woman thing) my needs have always, ALWAYS come second to everyone else’s and I just thought I’m not doing that anymore.
That was it really … just acknowledging that I was going to change. And I did! Of course, my boys always come first, but now I make sure I do things that I want to do. Remember me saying how I finally got round to booking a ticket to see Tori Amos? It’s things like that I’m now doing for myself. All rather liberating!
Going to the gym might be some people’s idea of their worst nightmare but it represents more than that to me. It represents realising that my health is something that should be looked after. It represents not having to put a man’s needs in front of my own. It represents appreciating I can care for my boys but care for me at the same time.
I have to push the guilt to the side whenever it rears its ugly head mind you, but overall this whole ‘putting myself first’ thing is going well. For now. Ask me in a few weeks’ time.
Anyway, these thighs won’t lunge themselves, it’s off to the gym I go!
Do you struggle to put yourself first or am I just really, really weird?