Since I sold my house, I’m finally able to start paying off debts the ex kindly left me (what a lovely going away present), and finances are looking more stable than they’ve looked in years.
It’s been a long (LONG) time since I went shopping. I mean proper shopping. As in actually spending money on things I want, rather than things I need. Grocery shopping doesn’t count … who gets pleasure from that? (Unless it’s cake shopping, that totally turns me on.) So this week, I’ve actually started to buy some new things for my new place.
When you’ve struggled with debt for so long, buying new things feels really odd. In fact, it feels wrong. I’ve been buying second hand things for years – clothes, white goods, even school uniform. It’s not something I felt good about and my pride meant that I never talked about it – I just did what I had to do. Charity shops and eBay were my Gods!
So … yesterday, I bought a kettle. Not very exciting, granted, but I spent £70 on it.
I’m still in shock. I’ve never spent that much money on anything I don’t think, let alone a bloody kettle!
What was I thinking?
And then the guilt set in, which is ridiculous, but I’m so used to shopping on a budget that it all felt wrong wrong wrong.
I mentioned my guilty secret to a couple of friends and they said to me exactly what I’d have said to them … which is annoying. They told me a) not to be so stupid b) I deserve nice things and c) not to be so stupid.
And so this is the new me. I’m going to try really hard to stop being so hard on myself and if I want to spend £70 on a kettle, I bloody well will. Although, to be fair, this one better last me the rest of my life bearing in mind how much the damn thing cost. But isn’t it shiny and pretty?
I just need some shopping training. I might even push the boat out and buy … some wooden spoons! (I have actually seen some I like in M&S … what has my life become?!!!)