I wrote about a dating dilemma I had yesterday. But you’d know that having read it, right? Hmmm. But before I explain what happened, a little disclaimer:
Disclaimer: what I am about to write is my story. It’s my blog, ergo .. I get to write what I like. Thems the rules. It’s not meant to belittle anyone or be “mean” … it’s part of my life and as harsh as I may come across sometimes, this is what it’s actually like to date online these days! I’m lovely really – ask my best friend. And the old man I held a door open for today. They like me. So if you don’t like this kinda thing, I wouldn’t read it. Simple.
Anyway, I was undecided about whether to go ahead with the date because I just didn’t fancy him … so I did what any 21st century woman would do … I asked Twitter.
Surprisingly, the verdict was 50/50 and people were pretty vocal about how they felt. Comments ranged from me being shallow (to a certain extent, that may be true … but only as much as the next person) … to a friend regaling me with a story about how her date had a hairy mole that he played with all night and I shouldn’t have to go through the hell she did.
So what did I do?
I went on the date.
To be brutally honest … I was actually already in the café we were due to meet in because I’d been writing there all morning – I didn’t actually have to move. So laziness had a big part to play. But at least I stayed until he arrived.
He was on time … tick. In fact, he looked a lot better than he did the day before … nice outfit – jeans, shirt and jacket, he’d obviously made an effort because I know he wasn’t due in work. Oh, and he told me he’d made an effort.
He came over and kissed my cheek and asked what I’d like to drink. He didn’t smell of aftershave, which was a shame, you know what I’m like about men who smell good .. but he didn’t smell rancid either, so I’d say that was probably a win.
You know what else I noticed though? He was shaking. He was that nervous, I could feel him shake as he leant over to kiss me. A 41 year old, 6ft 1” bloke, nervous. I felt so bad. I really hate the thought that people are nervous around me so I gave him my best winning smile! He probably thought I was a bit mental, queued up patiently and avoided all eye contact.
By the time he sat with me, I’d eventually put the laptop away and he had my full attention.
Nope, still didn’t fancy him.
We chatted, and actually he warmed up as the date went on. He said I had a very calming voice. That’s a first!
He explained that he didn’t actually house share per se, as he’d originally said, but rather he lived at his parents. OK not ideal, but not a dealbreaker. Lying though .. not cool. He went on to say he’d been there 2 years and when I asked if he actually had any plans to move out/on, he replied, “Well yeah, but I’m not that great with money. Burns a hole in my pocket and I just feel the need to spend it.” Righto …
I told him early on in the date that I wouldn’t be able to stay long as the ticket on my car was going to run out in 45 minutes. To be fair, I could have just renewed it if I’d wanted to. I’d honoured the date but the more I learnt about him, the more I realised he really wasn’t what I was looking for.
Which was a shame because he was a nice bloke. Just not for me.
He was complimentary – liked my hair … until I told him I wasn’t a natural redhead and no doubt he judged me too, but it was best to call the date to a close.
We walked out towards the car park and as we crossed the road, his (brand new) phone fell out of his inside jacket pocket and onto the floor. It wasn’t a healthy sounding crack and as he picked it up and turned it over, the screen was smashed to pieces. “This is not good, not good at all,” he said. An understatement.
By now we were at my car and thankfully, I hadn’t been fined. I thanked him for the coffee and bid him adieu. I didn’t, I just said bye and pecked him on the cheek.
So … did I do the right thing in going? I’m not sure. My gut instinct was right about how I felt about him, and meeting him again didn’t change that, but then we did have a nice chat and it’s always good to meet new people isn’t it? But would he have wanted me to turn up knowing that I had already made my mind up about him … or would he have thought it really wasn’t worth the bother either. Or .. did he actually find me repulsive anyway and it’s all a bloody moot point anyway!?
What do you think? Did I do the ‘right’ thing in going?