I have a dating dilemma.  Yes, another one.


So I ‘met’ a guy online and we chatted for a couple of days.  He’s local (a big plus) but the banter level was quite low.  Bad times.  Anyway, turns out he works in my local branch of a certain menswear store which, I have to say, I judged him on somewhat.  I know I shouldn’t, but I do.  That’s probably a whole other blog post.


Anyway, he asked me out for a coffee and I agreed.  He seemed OK, the pic was nice enough but the more I spoke to him, the more I realised that actually … I didn’t really think it was such a good idea.


So I did a little pre-date stalking.


There’s a coffee shop opposite where he works so I went there today to see if I could see him.  Maybe if I saw in in the flesh, even from afar, I might be happier about going for that coffee.


I knew he was at work but I couldn’t see him so I needed a Plan B.  I had to lure him out somehow, towards the front of the shop.  So I sent him a text to say I was at the shopping centre.  I figured he’d come to at least have a little nosey.


Anyway, as I was sitting there, waiting for my plan to work, when I got a phone call from a local charity to say that they were on their way to my house to pick up the PC I had planned to give them.  I had completely forgotten!  I poured my coffee into a takeaway cup and figured I’d just walk past his shop, all casual like, have a look in and if I couldn’t see him I’d just have to go for the coffee the next day regardless.


Except … as I walked past he was walking to the front of the shop (as I’d bloody planned for him to do!) and he saw me!  It’s not that it’s because I’m that gorgeous (please feel free to beg to differ) but I have a distinct look that I think anyone would probably recognise.




“Play it cool Kate, play it cool.”


I didn’t play it cool, obviously.  I mumbled something about “charity” and “the computer man” and “skinny latte” and made an absolute arse of myself.


But here’s the thing.  The first thing I saw as he walked towards me?  I knew immediately I didn’t fancy him.  In that split second, I knew.  Brilliant.  Now what?  And actually, I was a little hacked off that his profile picture really doesn’t look like him.  Unless you squint your eyes together really tight.


I deliberately didn’t text him all afternoon and, of course, after he’d been playing it cool before he met me, he’s since text saying I’m much more beautiful in the flesh (which is lovely to hear of course) and has been much more communicative!  He’s mentioned the coffee we’re meant to be having today … 3 times and I don’t know what to do.


It seems farcical of me to bother meeting him if there’s no point, but how do you say to someone, “Oh sorry, now I’ve actually seen you in the flesh, I don’t want to bother having that date with you.”  I don’t want to be a Mean Girl.


I’ve put a ‘story’ in place about Dexter hurting his ankle (which is actually true) so it’s an ‘out’ if I chicken out.  Which I may well do.


Dating.  It’s a lot harder than it looks.


What would you do?



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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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  1. I wouldn’t go. It seems harsh but my year of dating taught me that you have to be cruel to be kind. You sound like you were fairly repulsed by him, so what would going on a date do other than get his hopes up for when you DO have to dump him? Life is too short for stained teeth!

  2. Hmmmm difficult one. I’m far too nice so would waste my time, and his, going for coffee and berating myself afterwards. If you’ve got an ‘out’ then take it!!!!

    1. It’s actually no effort to go on the date … I’m in the coffee shop all day anyway. Maybe I’ll just stay and see if he turns up?! I didn’t actually tell him where I’d be mind you …

  3. 20 years ago I went out with a guy because I thought he could help me pass my PR exams. He was a high flying journalist. No physical attraction whatsoever….we married 9 months later and have now got three teenagers…….you just never know!

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