I’ve recently come across … *cough* … a fellow #3dates3mths dater, Jordi from @30somethingLDN.  #hottie.   I’ve been having a nose through his blog because let’s face it, when it comes to dating men, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING.  I was hoping for The Answer on his blog.

 

I don’t think I found it (at least not yet) but was interested in his take on 10 Things I Hate About Dating … so thought I’d offer my own:

 

1. The Photos

My Facebook friends will attest to the sheer hideousness that are the photos that potential dates send me.  Today’s offerings include a hairy man in a bath that looks like Carson from Downton Abbey and a face shot from Mike from Breaking Bad.  So glad it was just a face shot.  And they were the good ones.

2. Cancelling 

I understand that life gets in the way of dating, and I also understand (too well) that sometimes you just change your mind about whether you want to meet someone.  And that’s cool.  But, when you’re a parent, it’s not just a case of “Don’t worry about it, it’s no big deal.”  I will have organised childcare – a massive feat in itself, I will have prepared Dexter that I’m out for the night, having gone through the whole conversation again about why I’m out with another date and not watching Brit Cops with him instead and, above all that … it takes a lot of courage to put yourself ‘out there’ no matter how confident a person you are.  All those little knocks add up.

3. Who Should Pay?

I’d class myself as a feminist – if being a feminist is believing everyone has the right to do/say what they want.  Not sure I’m a particularly hardcore one mind you but it’s the thought that counts.  However, I’m also a believer in some old fashioned values and, when it comes to dating, I’m not sure how well both of these belief systems fit together.  If a man asks me out on a date, I expect him to pay.  But then I’ll always offer to get at least one round in.  But then if he accepts I’m a little taken aback.  It’s a bloody minefield.

4. What to Wear?

For some strange reason, there are a whole lotta short men out there.  Which is fine.  And I’ve written about the whole ‘short man thing.’  But if you DO decide to date a vertically challenged man, it completely messes with your entire wardrobe because the first thing you need to sort out is your footwear.  Not many outfits look sexy with flat shoes, believe me.  Shallow?  Moi?

Don’t even get me started on the whole ‘how much is too much cleavage’ issue.

5. Coffee?

If a date goes well, I mean really well … and you want the date to carry on after the pub/restaurant has kicked you out, should you invite your date back to yours for coffee?  The trouble is, sometimes, when you say ‘coffee’ you mean coffee.  Other times, when you say ‘coffee’ you totally don’t mean coffee.  It’s really difficult to say, “Do you want to come back for coffee” without it being misconstrued.  Unless you really have no intention of having coffee.  See what I mean! Best to just agree on meeting another time if you like someone.  (That’s the official party line anyway.)

6. Just be normal.  Please!

I swear to God, some of the messages I get are so odd that I seriously have to question the mental state of the person writing to me.  Seriously.  They are just so odd – they don’t even make sense half the time.  I literally don’t understand them.

I’m sent poems, text speak so bizarre it’s just a collection of jumbled up letters and don’t even get me started on the ones that don’t speak English. How hard is it to just be normal?  I’m not asking for much.  Just being sane will do me.  Well, sane and hot.

7. Post Date

I like to think I’m pretty smart.  If I date someone, I kinda know fairly early on in a date if I want to see them again – I would hope my date would be the same. But it’s sometimes SO awkard telling someone the truth.  So instead, we both just play this game where we’ll text each other after the date and, perhaps, the next day, both asking how the other person is, what are they up to … both waiting for the other person to be straight about whether another date is on the cards.  It’d be so much easier if we were just honest.

Who am I kidding?  So much easier to just do the ‘fade out.’

8. *cough*  STALKER!

Take the hint.  If I say I don’t want to see you again (for whatever reason) … I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.  I’ve been polite.  I’ve done the whole ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ thing that we do.  But don’t keep texting.  Don’t call.  Don’t send me f*cking emojis of a cat blowing a kiss … or whatever that picture is.  Just put the internet away and go for a long walk.

9. PMSL

Agree 100% with Jordi on this one – there is nothing LESS sexy than a man adding ‘PMSL’ to the end of a text.  Hang on, I think ‘lol’ and any heart related emoji runs a close second.

10. Liar, Liar, Pants are on Fire

I may choose to omit certain facts about my life when on a date, especially when on a first date.  Nobody got time for that shit.  BUT … I am honest about who I am and what I want.  I expect the same.  Whether it’s how often you see your kids, how much you earn, whether your divorce is final, what your job title is or whether you are/aren’t blessed in ‘that’ department … whatever it is, if I like you, I probably won’t care … as long as you’re honest.

Lie to me about anything, not matter how trivial, you’ll see a Kate shaped hole in the wall behind you.

 

Believe me, I could go on (and on) … but won’t.  This Peroni won’t drink itself.  But suffice to say, dating, for me at least, remains a minefield.

 

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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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