I had a conversation with my best friend this week about how dating has changed over the years.  I posed this question to her:


“Why do you think we never get chatted up anymore when we’re out?”


Unfortunately, she was none the wiser.


I mean, we’re fairly pleasant on the eye, we bathe regularly, we’re smart, HILARIOUS … hell … I even put perfume on the last time I went out.  So just what’s going on?


It’s really strange.  There was a time when men would have no hesitation in talking to us when we were out.  I even remember a time when men would buy us drinks!  (Not that we need men to buy us drinks, but you can see where I’m going with this.)  I don’t think we’ve changed that much over the years but men have – I really think it’s a case of  … “It’s not us, it’s them.”


I know we’re not the only women to wonder what’s going on.  I had a chat with a guy from the dating site this week about this very subject and he agreed that men just don’t talk to women much these days, at least not in person … and that it’s far ‘easier’ to chat someone up online.  That it takes a whole lot less effort.


How depressing.


It seems in this new fangled age of technology, the art of real life conversation is dead – at least in terms of dating.  I can’t remember the last time a man actually spoke to me in a bar and I just don’t know why.  I like to think I’m a warm and friendly person and talking to me doesn’t mean you have to date me!  But a conversation with the opposite sex is sadly history.


I think men are scared.  Being scared of rejection is nothing new, granted, but this feels like something else.  But just what are men scared of?  Have we all become so reliant on communicating via technology that men have just lost the art of talking to women in real life?


I’m not afraid to start a conversation with someone I find interesting – never have been, but it just doesn’t seem like ‘the done thing’ to talk to people anymore unless it’s via a keyboard.


WE NEED A SECRET CODE!  A business card we can casually slide along the bar to show we’re interested and it’s safe to approach … a necklace we can wear with the word ‘SINGLE NOT DESPERATE’ on it.  Just a couple of my more subtle ideas.


A work in progress.


Ho hum.  If anyone knows what the hell is going on, please do let me know!





(Visited 381 time, 1 visit today)

Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

Join the Conversation


  1. “I think men are scared. Being scared of rejection is nothing new, granted, but this feels like something else. But just what are men scared of? Have we all become so reliant on communicating via technology that men have just lost the art of talking to women in real life?”

    Talking to nutcase hubby about this and his thought is “cos of the fear of being accused of a sexual predator, pay a compliment and you get weird looks” So maybe it’s that. Plus chatting online means you don’t see the whole eye rolling and teeth sucking going on (or look of sheer fear), so a bloke can happily live in a world where he isn’t being rejected. She doesn’t answer your message? Ach it’s cos she’s busy isn’t it!

    Then again, what’s stopping us women from chatting a bloke up? I don’t do that cos a)I’m married and b)I just cba. I happily talk to anyone, which has led to some confusing encounters, I really must stop flirting with everybody. it’s genetic, my Mumma does it too…

    Now bearing in mind nutcase hubby swooned at my feet the verra first time we met (he actually had a drop seizure, I prefer the swooning idea though, so we’re sticking to that). He didn’t chat me up as such, I was too busy trying not to laugh at him 😀 as his excuse was “sorry I’m a natural blonde, I swoon a lot”. He was sober at the time as well. This just sounds worse and worse really…. ANYWAY! We’re still together after erm 15 years and he still swoons at me, although not so much now he’s on new medication.

      1. And I love you too! Fear of rejection and a fear of being accused of things untoward as well I reckon.
        And thank you for the loverly compliment 😀

  2. Nice article and good point. From a blokes point of view personally I hate the eye roll and the same charade women play which involves having to buy or wrestle for their attention and when we do have it, then they act like we should think ourselves lucky when we’ve got it. Rather not thanks. It is all a massive shame though.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.