As you know, I’ve been online dating on and off for about a year now.  Some of them have been successful … others, not so much.  The dating hasn’t gone well this year.  Could be a state of mind thing.  I seem to be getting more and more annoyed by men online.  More and more picky.  More … meh about the whole thing.

 

I’ve tried to put my finger on it (not literally) and so I thought I’d begin my self analysis by trying to work out where it’s going wrong.  So I thought I’d start at the beginning – a man’s photo.

 

My BFF is on the same dating site as me, which has proved invaluable … in making us laugh if nothing else, and so we got together to compare just where we feel (after all it’s a personal thing) they’re going wrong.  We think we’ve figured it out.  Your first impression of someone on a dating site is their photo and so it holds a lot of gravitas.  You can’t be won over by a great personality on a dating site, so if you can’t get over their hideous online photo, you’re screwed. And not in a good way.

 

To give all you non-daters a little glimpse into our world, check out the following list we have compiled of REAL photos of men who have approached us on this particular dating site.  Then ask yourself if we were really that harsh in not replying to them:

 

 

The sofa he was sat on had dirty stains on it

Bad shoes – this is as true online as it is in real life

Bad clothes –  encompassing wearing a vest, checked trousers and/or Ali G yellow glasses

Shorter than 5′ 7″ – granted, this can’t be helped but being shorter than my kids is not a good look

Posing in front of a urinal

Flaunting your pierced nipple(s)

Trout pout – yes men do it too

Fishing

Holding a big fish

Cuddling a tiger (wtf?)

A snake wrapped round the neck

Posing with a mandolin – not a euphemism

Holding a whicker trumpet (I wear I am not making this up)

Parrot on a bench next to you

Necklace – any variety

Novelty ties – yes men still wear them

Hand gestures – thumbs up, double thumbs up or any variation thereof

Balloons put up a shirt – that shit is never funny

Showing off your car – opening the bonnet to show the engine/posing on or around a car at all

Kissing a bottle of wine

Kissing a bottle of wine whilst giving the thumbs up

Drinking a pint of lager whilst stood next to someone else’s Rolls-Royce

Holding a sledgehammer (whilst wearing a vest)

Being topless … but wearing a scarf

Standing next to a helicopter, pretending to be the pilot

Crouching on the floor wearing combats (and no top)

A union jack painted on your face

 

I could go on (and on) but I think this list gives you a little taster of what we’re up against.  It begs the question, just how difficult is it to be normal?  I’m normal(ish) – my BFF is normal … our photos are normal!  We really aren’t asking too much!

 

Alas, it’s a free dating site and if you pay peanuts … you get monkeys.  Quite surprised I haven’t seen a photo of a man posing with a monkey.

 

Yet.

 

 

 

 

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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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