If you have children, you’ll be used to the following story. In fact, you may well have your own version to tell that could quite possibly beat this.
This is a true story. Sort of.
So … Dexter came home one day last term with a big hole in his blue polo shirt. It was in a strange position – just above his right hip.
Now Dexter returning home from school with part of his school uniform ripped, is not unusual. In fact, I was grateful it was only the one hole. What was unusual, however, was the explanation that he came out with.
We went on to have this conversation:
Me: How on earth did you get that hole in your school top?
Dexter: Well now you see, ummm … it was like this.
(You just know this explanation is going to be bizarre.)
Dexter: I was in the classroom and everybody had left to go to lunch. I was on my own see. And then I heard a noise coming from the corner, just by the bookshelf. Right next to Horrid Henry’s book about nits. It was making a funny clunking noise. A bit like an old man with a wooden leg.
Dexter: I went to investigate because, you know, what with me being brave and all. And I lifted the hose part to see what was making the noise. And then before I knew it the Hoover came to life and went crazy! It attacked me and I had to try and fight it off.
Me: (Straight face.) Righto. Carry on.
Dexter: So you see, the Hoover got hold of me and I was wrestling it just like The Undertaker would, and it got hold of my school shirt. It sucked it so hard that it tore a hole right in it.
I wrestled it to the ground and pulled the head off it. That seemed to do the trick.
Annoyingly, my teacher then came back into the classroom looking for me but, of course, by now, I had destroyed the Hoover and everything was quiet again.
Got to hand it to him, I have heard some great excuses in my time but this one was particularly epic.
Have any of your cherubs ever come up with anything as unlikely?
To find out more about the competition and artists involved, please head over to the M&S to join in and add your story, using the #TellingTales hashtag. The best six entries will win an original illustration of their child’s tale from one of six fantastic children’s artists – Sue Hendra, Ben Mantle, Ben Hawkes, Clive McFarland, Yasmeen Ismail and Mark Chambers.
Disclosure: M&S sent me some school uniform for Dexter.