its raining men


When your own love life confuses the bejesus out of you, sometimes it’s a good idea to stop … (collaborate and listen,) and give the whole dating thing some thought.


As I mentioned here and here, I had been seeing an Old Flame. It was going well (perhaps too well?) and I had been wondering just what the catch was.  A friend suggested he might be a Vegan (sorry) or have a wooden leg or a glass eye.  It actually turned out to be something different altogether.


The original plan was that he was going to be moving back down south with work so it would be a whole lot easier to see each other.  Personally, I think that’s why he got back in touch but he denies it and says he’d have tried to find me regardless of the job move.


And then he suddenly got made redundant.  A spanner of massive proportions had suddenly been thrown in and everything was now up in the air.


Meanwhile …. I  just happened to bump into someone I dated (very) briefly last year whilst I was out shopping.  He, of course, comes with his own story.  HE was the guy who got back in touch with me a few months ago, we agreed to meet, then he cancelled that day saying he’d been talking to someone else and had ‘a better connection’ with that person and it wasn’t really fair to meet me.  A week later, he got back in touch saying it hadn’t worked out because that woman had turned out to be married and could we still see each other?


Erm, no?


So this chance meeting really was just that.  I hadn’t intended ever to go out with him again but after bumping into each other, he re-joined the dating site and sent me a message saying how lovely it was to see me.


And then he asked me out.


Meanwhile …. Old Flame had completely gone cold.  Granted, he’d just lost his job and I totally respected that he probably didn’t want to talk about how gorgeous my boobs are (they are,) but he withdrew so much from me that I honestly wondered if I’d ever see him again.  I also had my own ‘issues’ going on that week, for which he offered pretty much no support at all.  I had begun to question just who this man was and whether he really was what I wanted.  I felt like I’d completely mis-judged him.


So, when Shopping Friend asked to see me that weekend, I agreed.  I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong and so thought I’d just see how I felt once I saw him again.


Erm, and we now seem to have had five dates.


Not quite sure how that happened but he came round my house twice (no funny business), took me out for dinner, came round my house again and then took me out for drinks last night (STILL no funny business.)


He’s nice.  Nice.  Now there’s a word not every man wants to hear.  But we are SO different!  He’s good company.  Smart.  He was right, though, when he intimated we pretty much have nothing in common although I don’t necessarily see that as a problem.  He’s very ‘new age’ but because I’m fairly open minded I’m able to listen to his ideas about how aliens live amongst us (seriously) without laughing in his face.  He’s fundamentally a hippy … which does appeal to the ‘free spirit’ in me, but JEEEZUS some of our conversations are just too weird.  Even for me.


Meanwhile …. Old Flame has resurrected his interest in me.  I am wondering if he’s got the feeling that I haven’t exactly sat and waited for him to get his act together and has realised he needs to pull his finger out.  As it were.  He’s asked to come down and see me on Sunday.


So I now have a slight dating dilemma.


Do I see Old Flame on Sunday?  He’s got a couple of interviews this week down south so it is still his intention to move but I also think my rose tinted glasses are now off and I’ve seen things these past couple of weeks I didn’t really like.


Do I continue to see Shopping Friend, even though I don’t think it’ll work long term?


OR … do I just enjoy all the attention and keep having fun without worrying about the consequences??


Over to you!




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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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  1. Hmmm….I would see the Old Flame but just for a coffee or a drink so you can talk but it’s not a date. Shopping friend seems like a nice distraction in the meantime. And btw, it’s not raining men where I live x

  2. Clearly Shopping Friend is a basket case – albeit a nice basket case. As fab as your boobs undoubtedly are, the fact that he is more interested in seeing whether an alien bursts from your intestines than a little “over the sweater” action should be seen as a giant red warning sign for how things will go. I have seen your future with him and it is named
    “How Did I End Up With This Man?”

    As for Old Flame – he has been more Old Lame really. He needs to work harder to WitWitWoo you over – the whole “I need a job in order to move forward” is not a valid excuse for being a crap boyfriend. Chase me or lose me, them’s the words you’re looking for. My gut feeling is you need a fun, no-strings, good old fashioned date with a third option this weekend – stuff the two been-there-done-that bookends and go out for a right belly laugh instead 🙂

  3. Um…threesome?!
    But seriously…I honestly have no idea how this dating lark works, so I’m in no position to give advice whatsoever…however my gut feel says unless you’ve agreed on exclusivity there is no harm seeing two. I suppose when it gets tricky is when there is “funny business” involved?
    Julie recently posted..Nothing Will Work Unless I Do*My Profile

  4. Oooh, tricky. On any other day, I’d say keep seeing them both and keep it casual, no harm in having options. However, if its not going to ever go anywhere with Shopping Friend, you will have to end it eventually and you risk ending up in a position where he likes you a lot more than you like him, and potentially hurting him when you call it quits. Having said that, if he’s on the same page as you there’s no harm in it – call it practise for when the real deal comes along!
    Jayne recently posted..Please Bear With Me!My Profile

  5. I’ve been enjoying catching up on your posts and love life! such a funny and great blog. I think just enjoy yourself and whatever happens happens. Shopping/alein friend sounds like a good egg, maybe his previous decision was very silly. I think old flames are old flames for a reason x
    christina recently posted..Curious CatMy Profile

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