I’ve been analysing the dating scene lately and trying to work out where I’m going wrong.  The first thing I’ve realised is that I’m obviously on the wrong dating sites – you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.  So, before I dismiss internet dating completely, I think I just need to understand that there are decent sites out there and perhaps I’ve been a little hasty in my judgement.  Maybe I should stop being so tight and just cough up.

 

Surely, finding a good relationship is worth spending money as well as time on?

 

Some of the comments people have left on my other dating posts have given me a little hope as so many people know someone who has successfully found love on the internet, so today I’m feeling much more positive about the whole thing.  Being single really is a choice for me … and I think the right man is worth waiting for.

 

So who is the right man?  I think the obvious characteristics go without saying – kind, smart, funny, hot, smells good.  One thing that is a bit of a sticking point, however, is age.

 

I talk about age a fair bit because unfortunately, once you pass 40 (do NOT collect £200,) you often get judged (unfairly) by a lot of people – especially as a woman.  BUT … I’m a bit of a hypocrite because actually, I have always preferred to date younger men.  In fact, I’ve only ever dated one man that was older than me (by a whole year,) and although he was lovely, we just wanted different things.

 

I find myself in a quandary because I want to date younger men, but older men want to date me.  At forty-two, I’m in the Bermuda Triangle of the dating world.

 

It seems that men in their late forties/early fifties see me as a ‘younger woman’ … acceptably young – but not too young.  Just old enough.   Men in their twenties on the other hand, often see me as ‘the older woman’ – fascinated by the age gap.  And there I am.  Stuck in the middle, with men that are either too young or too old.

 

I don’t feel forty-two … I feel at least ten years younger.  But I already have children and feel too old to have anymore.   I would imagine most men in their early thirties would still want children of their own so dismiss me purely based on that before even knowing me.

 

I can’t deny it’s a challenge but I’m optimistic.  I don’t believe that we have one true love and that’s your lot, nor am I in any particular hurry.  I’ve met one man in the past year since I’ve been single that I thought I could fall for but sadly, it didn’t work out.  What-Ever.  His loss, obviously.

 

But it taught me this.  Coming out of a difficult long term relationship can scar you but I now know it hasn’t made me so bitter that I can’t have feelings for another person – I’m still open to the idea of being in love again.

 

And that, folks, is a very exciting place to be.

kate sutton

 

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