Things have been a bit quiet on the dating front – not a whiff of co.. erm, a decent date for a couple of weeks now.  I guess it would speed things along if I had actually spoken to anyone but no one has taken my fancy ….. until a man sent me the above photo.

 

Now I know you’re all jealous, but all I can say is – DON’T HATE THE PLAYA, HATE THE GAME!  It is what it is my friends – you’ve either got it going on, or you haven’t.  (Zig zag finger click.)

 

This photo is representative of the calibre of datee that has come my way this week, (not literally thankfully.)   Just to point out … in case you missed it … IT’S TWO MEN POSING WITH BALD EAGLES.

 

And just when I thought the man with the trumpet and the dog couldn’t be topped.

 

I politely declined his kind offer to … pet his bird and turned my attention to my inbox.  (Quite possibly a euphemism.)

 

So here’s my weekly dating round-up.  Ready?

 

Seriously, where do I start with this one.  I’m slightly perturbed he’s begun his message by laughing (probably maniacally,) the middle bit he’s got right of course … and then he rounds it off nicely by saying I make him scream like a little girl.

Too.  Many.  Questions.

 

Just what I said after reading the first message.

 

Superbe?   Italian?   No, just illiterate.   Now bear in mind, this was his first message to me, (I would have preferred ‘Hi Hun’ over this – and that’s saying something,) I can’t quite fathom just what he thought I’d say in reply:

 

“I have got a gimp mask with your name on it.”  Or …

“Go and stand in the corner little bitch boy and learn how to spell ‘superb’ properly.”

Either way, really not my cup of tea.  But thanks all the same.

 

Ah … a disgruntled datee.  Gutted I turned him down now.

 

This young man needs to take a tip from Lionel Richie.  Whatever happened to just saying ‘Hello?’  (Is it me you’re looking for etc.)

 

Firstly, last time I looked, I wasn’t on fire, so get your facts straight.  Secondly, I presume he’s referring to 50 Shades of Grey and I have to say … it really weirds me out that blokes read that stuff because trust me, I do not orgasm a catrillion times just by having my left nipple tweaked.  (My right, maybe.  If someone bought me a new Macbook – definitely.)  And thirdly, it’s Anastasia … UPPER CASE A.

 

 

You know, I read back my dating posts afterwards and it beggars belief that I’m actually still on this dating site.  I certainly wouldn’t go on a date just to please the people reading my posts who like me having shit dates, (sorry Kellie,) but I do actually hope someone half decent comes along soon.

 

That doesn’t play the trumpet.

 

That doesn’t like their dog watching.

 

And most definitely, doesn’t have a Bald Eagle.

 

I prefer a full bush.

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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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