Early this morning, I was sat on the toilet.  Sorry.  Anyway, we don’t bother with locks or any other such frivolities at our house, it’s only Dexter and I there, so he bowled in, shouting, “MUM!!!!” as he usually does.


He normally wants one of two things.  Either permission to use my laptop, or to kick me off the toilet because he wants to use it – it’s ALWAYS an emergency.


This morning, however, was different.


As I’m sat there, he came in with my breakfast.  Breakfast that he’s just made for me.  FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.


Admittedly, I hate honey and so honey on toast wouldn’t be my first choice of breakfast, but I wasn’t going say anything.


After thanking him profusely and over-gushing with pride about what an amazingly thoughtful son he was, I did what lots of us mums do nowadays – I over-shared on Twitter and Facebook and took all the credit for raising such a thoughtful boy.


Fast forward to 4pm.


I had to meet my agency and drop some paperwork off for my new job and, of course, had to take Dexter with me.  I’d given him ‘the chat’ beforehand so he knew the rules of what he could and couldn’t do whilst Mummy was at her very important meeting.  I’d fed him.  I’d given him my phone.  I’d taken every conceivable precaution I could to ensure that whilst we were there, it would all run smoothly.


And then he farted really loudly.


He did say pardon to the lady I was meeting, so I guess it could have been worse.  Not sure how … but I’m sure it could have been.


I did my best fake laugh and asked an inane question about tax.


Crisis averted.


When the lady left the room to take a photo of my passport, Dexter turned to me and said:


“Did you enjoy your breakfast this morning Mum?”

“I loved it son – thank you so much for making it for me,” I said.

“Oh, erm, well it’s just cos I didn’t realise I don’t like honey you see.  But I did eat round the edges to test it first.  Then I thought I’d just give it to you.”

‘So it wasn’t for me it all?” I asked


He smiled, said, “Oh yeah, course it was Mum,” and went back to playing on my phone.


He may be a liability sometimes and he’s certainly very cheeky (he likes to remind me he was born in the year of the Monkey,) but he is a legend.




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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

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