I had a fabulous weekend.  Yeah, granted, I don’t get out much, but attending this weekend’s Cybermummy conference was all round pretty awesome.  There have been some fabulous posts about people’s experiences and quite frankly, after reading them, I don’t think my account of singing midgets, poppadum eating competitions or RSI setting in because of live blogging three (yes, three!) sessions will do the weekend justice.

But I may just write about it another time. 

Tara Cain’s Gallery theme today is ‘My Weekend’ and my weekend very nearly turned out differently, had I let someone’s nasty comment get to me.

I took my boys up to London on Friday, met my Other Half at Euston for a handover, embarrassed the kids by having a big kiss on the concourse (I mean the actual concourse, it’s not a euphemism,) and then we had dinner before I set off to the tube station to make my way to east London for the conference.

The tube station was busy – it was Friday evening – and I took my place in one of the many queues.  As I neared the front, I was feeling good.  I was uber excited about Cybermummy, I’d managed to get my OH fix, as brief as it was, and I was determined that queuing for eleventy billions years wasn’t going to ruin my mood.  (I don’t ‘do’ queues see.)

The bloke in front of me was with his teenage son.  He wore a odd hat and had a weird accent, but I didn’t hold that against him.  He was slow, but seemed to be a tourist so y’know, I gave him extra time to get his shit together – I’m nice like that.  And then his card was declined.  He was embarrassed but cobbled together some shrapnel to pay for their tickets again.  He didn’t know what he was doing and a few people behind me were getting a little antsy.  You know, when they do that little foot shuffle thing that’s meant to make the person in front go quicker but all it does it make them go slower.  Yeah, that.

He’d finally got his tickets and we were all pleased the bloke had finally managed to work out that really complicated machine.  He had to press three buttons after all.

And then he stood there.  Looking at his tickets.  And stood there a bit more.  OK, now I was doing the ‘antsy foot shuffle.’ Normally, I’d have already said something but bearing in mind this was ‘Good Mood Kate,’ I’d let it go but I had somewhere to be!  I couldn’t let it go anymore so got his attention and asked, “Excuse me, are you done yet?”

Uh oh.  You’d have thought I’d asked, “Can I stab you in the eye with the sharp corner of an Oyster card?”

He turned round slowly.  Very slowly.   This brief conversation then occurred:

Him:   “Why?  Do you have  somewhere to be?”

Me:  “Yes I do actually.”

Him:  “Where?  Weight Watchers.”

Excuse me while my sides split … AGAIN reliving this hilarious retort.

Now, it was a comment that he’d obviously put a whole lot of thought into.  It was also the kind of comment I’d expect from a 13 year old, pre-pubescent, boy in the playground.

Yes, I’m overweight – AND WHAT?  Who the hell did he think he was making such a puerile comment to me?  And in front of his teenage son!  What a great role model, eh.

I was immediately, but only momentarily, transported back to an incident that happened when I was 19, and probably a size 14.  I was working in London, on my lunch break and walked past some random bloke who took it upon himself to tell me, “You’d be gorgeous if you lost a few stone.”

Now, at 19 years old, that did stick with me.  For years.  That random, thoughtless comment, from a dickheaded stranger who thought he had the right to give me his opinion on what I looked like, hurt like a mo fo.

So much of our self esteem is wrapped up in how we look, especially as young women, that it can damage women for life.  I totally get that.

I never said anything back to this bloke way back when.  It sounds dramatic, but it took me years to build my confidence after it had been so unnecessarily knocked down.

So when another strange man decides he has the right to talk to me like that, I couldn’t keep quiet.

I didn’t want an argument.  I kept my retort brief, but, I think, to the point:

Me:  “Fucking hilarious.  Now …. fuck …. right …. off.”

Job done.  I brushed the comment off as quickly as I could and by the time I got to my *cough* luxurious Travelodge hotel … it was forgotten.

My size seems to be an issue for other people more than me.  Yes, I do go to Weight Watchers.  Ironic eh.  I go for my own reasons.  My Other Half thinks I’m rather fabulous whatever weight I am and I predominantly go because I don’t want to die of a heart attack at 60 like my mum did.

This bloke’s son may well now think it’s OK to talk to women like this.  To use a person’s weight as the ultimate diss.  And so it continues.

But, for me, what’s important is that I got strong again … so when someone wants to try and insult me  …. they’re really going to have to try a whole lot harder than that.

 

 

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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

33 replies on “The Gallery: My Weekend”

  1. You are gorgeous inside and out. What an inconsequential little man. I’d have flattened him, well done for putting him firmly back in his place.

  2. Just wanted to say, great post and fecking brilliant retort but most of all totally inspiring attitude. Feeling sad that it takes us so long to grow our sense of self and worth to be able brush off shit like this but amazing when we finally do. Just found your blog and really loving it.

    1. Thank you SO much! You’re right, isn’t it sad that ‘offhand’ comments can affect young women so much … but I DO take comfort from knowing that I’ve grown, moved on, and can tell spineless twats like this exactly what I think of them 🙂 Glad to have your company on t’blog! x

  3. The sad thing here is it doesn’t matter what you look like he would have picked up on something about your appearance and made a puerile comment about it.
    I think it speaks volumes about him rather than you.
    And as I’ve met you at said weekend and discovered what a fabulous, big-haired, gorgeous woman you are, I read this and roll my eyes.
    Good for you my dear, good for you.
    And I LOVE this photo of you by the way. It captures you perfectly

    1. You’re totally right – had I have had glasses on, or bad skin, he’d have gone for that. Met guys like that before and it IS pathetic. I just couldn’t believe he’d talk like that in front of his son I suppose. Moron. And thank you for your kind words … I don’t really know what to say, other than I think you’re pretty fabulous too!! x

  4. If I had a comment like that said to me I would have been phoning the conference asking someone to please come bail me out of jail. He got off easy in my opinion. Good for you not letting him get under your skin.

    1. I didn’t want him to ruin my weekend and yeah, considering, he got off very lightly. Don’t think he thought he’d get a response at all though – which was some consolation 🙂
      PS – I’d have bailed you out gf!

  5. Outrageous behaviour. I’m sorry your weekend started like that. Silly fool. Random acts of unkindness cut harder than non random ones sometimes don’t they? It was an absolute pleasure to meet you, next time I hope to have a drink with you too 😉 xxxx

    1. He was an arse and I’m kinda annoyed at myself that it even remotely reminded me of what was said 20 years ago. I guess it shows that yes, knobby comments can really cut deep. He didn’t spoil a damn thing though – I had an awesome weekend and part of that was down the special people I met – you most definitely being one of them. We definitely need to have a drink. Have several drinks and put the world to rights!!!! x

  6. You have really inspired me to tackle my weight and also to continue hating woman hatred which is what I think is at the root of this sort of behaviour. The first part of the post I saw was your pic and I thought “God I would like to look like that”. This is not me creeping, this is me being totally genuine.
    So pleased you did not let that blank (please use your own term of abuse) wreck your weekend.
    Women – we have so many battles to fight and some of that fight back starts with blogging

    1. Hi – thanks so much for taking the time to comment. You’re right, comments like this tend to stem from that person’s own insecurities. I’m just glad when this comment came I was stronger than I was at 19. Ho hum. As for that photo, it’s amazing what a touch of red lipstick can do! 🙂

  7. He’s wrong and a complete tool.

    Am glad it didn’t spoil your weekend – on the contrary, you seemed to be having a ball! It is so easy to let these cruel comments fester away though. I have a few that linger in my head too, right back from being a little girl – what possesses people to be so unpleasant and cruel? Arses.

    1. I did have a ball just I refuse to let tools cock me off! I think we all have a few mean comments that linger – the trick is to learn to move on I spose. Sometimes easier said than done. He wore a twatty pork pie hat. Nuff said.

  8. What a complete arse- I met you at Cybermummy and thought you were lovely- inside and out. People like this make me so angry. I always remember a time at university when a group of (really ugly but I shouldn’t lower myself to their level) men shouted out to me that I would be ‘fit if I had a nose job.’ It made me feel rubbish for so long. Too them it would have been just amusing when they were pissed but to me it made me feel about 1 foot tall. These people should think before they speak. x

    1. Thanks for leaving such a nice comment! Awwww – you’re lovely you are! So sorry you experienced an equally knobby comment when you were younger. Some people just don’t give a toss do they?! x

  9. Hey everyone I met this woman in the flesh – she is amazing, it shines. If some small minded twatty idiot has the capacity see nothing else and to only come up with that a comment. It only demonstrates how very very tiny and simple his mind is. How very sad for his child, what a F+++++++ role model.
    I love the bit about you snogging your other half on the concourse – that is so lush.

    1. Oh Gemma …. that is so lovely of you to say. Ya bugger … making me cry. I’m stunned that after spending such a short time with you, we’ve made such a positive impact on each other. The world’s weird like that innit! 🙂
      As for this imebecile … a twat. Pure and simple. What a great message to give his kid though eh.
      My OH and I don’t see each other all week – so when I do, he’s gonna get snogged, whether he likes it or not!!! (He does though – I’m a GREAT kisser 🙂

  10. Those kids of comments really piss me off. I’ve had several over the years. Is crap, whoever they are from. The kids is who I feel sorry for, imagine the kind of like he leads. Good you stayed positive. I can’t imagine you being negative actually.

    Was lovely to meet you on Friday x

  11. I’m impressed by your self-control – I really would have let him have it.
    Ok, I would have let him have it in my mind because he had his son with him, and I’m sure he’s getting enough bad examples set already.

    Met you briefly over the weekend and MY quick impression was that you are simply lovely!

    1. My patience runs even thinner the older I get … so I still don’t know how I didn’t give him what for! Like you, his son being there was a deterent. For me, not for him obvs.
      I’m sure we must have met Jenn … and thank you for your kind words!!! 🙂

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