When is the best time to tell your 7 year old exactly where babies come from?  Even harder, when do you tell them where babies come out of?

It’s been about a year since we last had ‘the chat.’  In that year, his level of curiosity has increased exponentially.  I blame Phineas & Ferb … or school.  Yeah, I blame school.  Anyway, no longer is he satisifed with the ‘special cuddle’ explanation.  The boy wants details Goddamn it! 

We had the following conversation two nights ago.  I’m still worried I said the wrong thing.  ‘Skig’ is my son:

Skig:  I think I love Daddy more than you.

Me:  Why’s that love?

Skig:  Well, Daddy made the seed that made me.

I gritted my teeth.

Me:  Darling, Daddy IS really cool isn’t he.  I don’t blame you for loving him lots.  I do.  But making seeds comes naturally for men – they don’t really have to do much.

Skig:  Oh.

Me:  Now Mummy on the other hand …  (stay calm Kate, stay calm) …  well I grew you specially in my tummy for nine months and then gave birth to you.

Skig:  So, how did I get out of your tummy then?  Did I have sharp nails and scratch my way out ?

This is the point where we left off last year.  He was happy with my explanation of “you came out of my tummy,” but now he’s imagining some Alien-esque spawning!  Guess he’s not far wrong.

I then had to decide if I told him the truth or not.  I didn’t want him to think that he had somehow clawed his way out of my stomach with his Wolverine hands and I have always wanted to be as honest as I could with my kids.  So I said:

Me:  No love, you came out of Mummy’s ninny.

Dramatic pause.

Skig:  Oh man, that’s SO disgusting.

Fair point.

Cue fake fainting onto the bed (from him – I held my shit together just about.)

I waited to see if he’d say anything else.  Twenty seconds later, he did:

Skig:  Mum?

Me:  Yes love?

Skig:  Can I have an ice lolly?

So … have I scarred him for life?  Will the poor boy ever have a girlfriend?  Will he still think he’s Wolverine?  (Wolverine’s SO cool right?)

Being a mum is HARD!

 

*This post has been selected as a guest blog on UKMums.tv.

 

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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.

4 replies on “Birds & The Bees: The Next Phase”

  1. You should write a book! So funny! You put it so well…can’t stop laughing…I’m sure he’ll be fine, there’s some fab child therapists out there these days. :-))

  2. Very, very funny. The rule in our house is that the missus deals with the daughter and I deal with the sons. God knows what I’m going to say – they’re confused enough with me doing all the ironing and their mother rolling in pissed after ‘after-work’ drinks!

    1. That’s a good rule (and a good role reversal!) But I don’t have daughters and my OH works away. My only ‘consolation’ is that I’ve been through similar already and my teen seems fairly normal. I’m taking that as a good sign.

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