When is the best time to tell your 7 year old exactly where babies come from? Even harder, when do you tell them where babies come out of?
It’s been about a year since we last had ‘the chat.’ In that year, his level of curiosity has increased exponentially. I blame Phineas & Ferb … or school. Yeah, I blame school. Anyway, no longer is he satisifed with the ‘special cuddle’ explanation. The boy wants details Goddamn it!
We had the following conversation two nights ago. I’m still worried I said the wrong thing. ‘Skig’ is my son:
Skig: I think I love Daddy more than you.
Me: Why’s that love?
Skig: Well, Daddy made the seed that made me.
I gritted my teeth.
Me: Darling, Daddy IS really cool isn’t he. I don’t blame you for loving him lots. I do. But making seeds comes naturally for men – they don’t really have to do much.
Me: Now Mummy on the other hand … (stay calm Kate, stay calm) … well I grew you specially in my tummy for nine months and then gave birth to you.
Skig: So, how did I get out of your tummy then? Did I have sharp nails and scratch my way out ?
This is the point where we left off last year. He was happy with my explanation of “you came out of my tummy,” but now he’s imagining some Alien-esque spawning! Guess he’s not far wrong.
I then had to decide if I told him the truth or not. I didn’t want him to think that he had somehow clawed his way out of my stomach with his Wolverine hands and I have always wanted to be as honest as I could with my kids. So I said:
Me: No love, you came out of Mummy’s ninny.
Skig: Oh man, that’s SO disgusting.
Cue fake fainting onto the bed (from him – I held my shit together just about.)
I waited to see if he’d say anything else. Twenty seconds later, he did:
Me: Yes love?
Skig: Can I have an ice lolly?
So … have I scarred him for life? Will the poor boy ever have a girlfriend? Will he still think he’s Wolverine? (Wolverine’s SO cool right?)
Being a mum is HARD!
*This post has been selected as a guest blog on UKMums.tv.