A month after graduation and I am now a member of my University’s Alumni. No longer can I class myself as a student. I am now an ex-student. It doesn’t make me feel quite as young. Even my Student Discount Card has run out so I can no longer claim my 10% discount at New Look. This is depressing news.
So what am I, now I’m no longer a student? A writer? Well, I write therefore I am. A writer that is. Right?
But a writer can write about anything he or she likes? Surely …
I can’t it seems. I wrote an article this morning about someone I’ve known for a very long time but as I re-read it I thought of the possible ramifications were I to publish it. I didn’t write the article to hurt this person’s feelings and yet, knowing them, I knew they’d be hurt by what I said. They wouldn’t see the article as an expression of how I felt about something that actually happened, and I really just told the story as I understood it – they would just take it very personally.
So what should I do? Post it and be damned? Delete it and be damned? Stop asking so many questions and just be damned???
I have chosen to file it away for a later, later date. But it’s really bugged me.
I feel temporarily straight-jacketed again. But it will re-surface. One day.
On a more positive note, however, I now have somewhere new to write!! No longer do I have to sit at the kitchen table surrounded by newspapers, Ketchup bottles and crayons, or at the patio table hiding under the parasol when it starts raining. I don’t have to go to the café, surrounded by people twice my age (although, it’s the only place I still feel young so I won’t completely desert the place.)
My other half has kindly made room for me in the cabin at the bottom of the garden (to work, not to live, that is.) Admittedly, I’m currently butted up against the cross trainer and the drum kit, and I just trod on yet another screwdriver (how many does one man need?!) but, for now, it’s a little piece of heaven. If the sun comes out, I may even venture back outside. Or I may just stay here and write all afternoon. Write, and play Bejeweled Blitz.
I want to make this space somewhere a little special. I have big plans. A coffee maker and bar, to cover all writing eventualities; a bookshelf, for books, not more planks of wood; my choice of music playing on loop oh, and definitely an air freshener.
It’s important for me not to feel like I’ve wasted a day. I’m lucky that I’m doing something I love, as testing as writing can be sometimes, and so I like to make every day count, as best as I can.
So, as Beyonce and Lady Gaga sing ‘Video Phone’ at full volume, and I take a five minute dancing break, making sure I avoid the DIY debris, every cloud does have a silver lining it seems … if you look hard enough.