I’m sure we all have our little irks and quirks, you know, those ‘special’ ways about us that make us unique. And annoying. Very annoying.

Some of us, however, have more than others. The older I get, the fussier I get. The less tolerant of ignorance I get. The more easily irritated I get!!!!

And breathe … so, in an attempt to get my ‘isms’ under some modicum of control (or, for the Friends fans out there, my Monica-isms), I thought I’d compile a list of them. When I began writing this, I thought it was a good idea. I’m not so sure now:

1. I have been nicknamed, ‘The Marg Detector.’ I have a real issue with margarine. Always have had. As in, its re-volt-ing. Even the smell makes me heave. And don’t try and fob me off with this Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter crap. It’s not butter, therefore, I will know.

2. Diet Coke is NOT the same as Diet Pepsi. Can’t abide the stuff. Pepsi that is. Love coke. But not fat coke. Has to be Diet Coke. Ooh, there’s another one. Perhaps I should make that number 3? No, less is better I reckon.

3. I’ve become intolerant to every other brand of vodka other than Absolut. How snotty does that sound?! Not that I’m a huge drinker. Obviously. But if I try and drink anything other than Absolut, I have a god awful headache in the morning and I’m too old for hangovers. Way too old. My friend rolls her eyes whenever we go out when I have to have a protracted (and, let’s face it, unnecessary) conversation with the barperson about what brands of vodka they sell. “Buy it already!”

4. I’m a pretty patient person in real life. Well, I think I am. But get me behind the wheel of a car, however, and things change dramatically. I like to think of myself as a good, safe driver. Most of the time. Which is why I get really hacked off when the roads are full of such idiots! No indicating? Check. Too slow? Check. Learner drivers? Check, check, check!

5. People who drop litter are at best lazy, at worst …. ignorant and lazy. And don’t even get me started on people who let their dogs crap everywhere and don’t pick it up. That’s a whole other post!

6. “Manners maketh man.” Or something like that. If I hold the door open for you, even if you are well into your 70’s, say thank you! I’m trying to teach my kids manners. You’re not helping! It’s not much to ask, surely? Is it? IS IT??

7. One does not pronounce the letter H, ‘haitch.’ One pronounces it, ‘aitch.’ Understood?! Good.

8. Same goes for the word ‘nothing.’ There is no ‘k’ at the end of ‘nothing,’ it’s a ‘g’, not a ‘k’!’

9. People who say ‘Confused dot com,’ when they’re, well, confused. They’re allowed to say it if they’re talking about the website though. I’ll give them that.

10. If I go to a restaurant, I invariably complain. Always nicely though, so they don’t spit in my food. But if something’s not quite right, they’d want to know right? No? Well, I’m going to tell them anyway.

I could have carried on writing, and I’m not quite sure what that says about me. Is anyone else this bad? Bearing in mind this is only Part 1? Please tell me it’s not just me!

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Published by Kate Sutton

Writer, Mother, Dater.