As some of you know, I now seem to have a fella. Not quite sure how I managed it, but there you go – stranger things have happened I’m sure (although not in my lifetime!) Anyway … it’s early days, but the inevitable has happened.
Yup. I’m having WAY too much fun with him and seem to have lost my gym/healthy eating/blogging mojo somewhat and I’m feeling THE GUILT.
Easter didn’t help. Oh, I don’t mean Easter Sunday where I could have legitimately indulged in a Crème Egg or two. No, I mean the month running UP to Easter Sunday where I ate a Crème Egg a day. Couple that with that first flush of romance where all you want to do is go to pubs, drink all the beer and eat all the food, cuddle on the sofa and just order a takeaway instead of cook. We’ve walked a lot, and I am still cycling, but I haven’t been to the gym in over a week which, as you know, is quite a big deal for a gym bunny like me.
I feel flabby again. I mean I always was flabby, but I feel fat again – lethargic, huge and unhealthy. I’m putting shit into my body and consequently, I feel like shit. I had two Star Bars today for God’s sake. TWO! And a Milky Bar yesterday that he bought me because he just wanted to make me happy.
Gah! I love this first part of a relationship, I really do – I hope my happiness is coming/has come across on the blog lately, but I need to find some semblance of balance before I end up back at square one, four stone heavier.
Because that’s the thing when you’ve been fat. It is so, so easy to end up where you started if you’re not careful. I don’t think I will, I really don’t – I feel that by even recognising the warning signs at this early stage means that I can catch it in time and get back on track, but it’s scary to see how quickly you can get back into bad habits. I haven’t eaten a Star Bar or Milky Bar in over a year … in the space of two days I’ve had three. That’s an extra 650 calories, in the blink of a (delicious) eye.
The reason I’m saying this is because I need to vocalise/write down/be accountable for where I’m at right now. I missed writing my weekly healthy lifestyle update on Sunday because of Easter and to be honest, having written one every week for the last 66 weeks, I just wanted a day off. You can see over on Instagram some of what I got up to at the weekend (not that cheeky), and it was bloody wonderful. But my routine has changed, the routine I’ve had for nearly 18 months, and I hadn’t really thought this far ahead as to how I’d cope when that happened. Mainly because I didn’t see me ever getting a boyfriend, so I didn’t think it was something I’d have to worry about.
What now? Christ, I’m not sure. For the first time in a long time, I’m not sure what to do. I’m loving this new phase of life with him, but need to re-focus and remember how easy it is to put weight on for me. I looked at a Greggs’ sausage roll yesterday and put on 8lbs. I’m also pre-menstrual so all I want to do is eat Greggs sausage rolls and Star Bars, have Nana naps and wear leggings.
I’m very bloody-minded though so am confident that I’ll find a way to sort this out. I mean for a start, I didn’t even have chips with my kebab last night – how strong-willed am I?! There are some lovely cycle routes near to where he lives that I’m hoping I can persuade him to cycle with me, I’ll have a think about healthier restaurants we can try so that at least there is more of a food choice for me and also, and more importantly, I need to remember that this is life, and that what’s happening right now is something I don’t need to stress about and I should just bloody well enjoy it.
But maybe eat less kebabs. All advice welcome – please!