I had a date this week. I didn’t mention it to you, or my friends on FB, or anyone to be honest, for several reasons. Firstly, I thought/presumed he wouldn’t turn up. Then I thought that if he did turn up, it would be rubbish. And then I presumed neither of us would want to see each other again.
All about the positivity this week Kate! But I wasn’t far wrong.
So here’s the story.
When I went to my Zumba Christmas party last Friday (living the dream people), one of my lovely Zumba instructors introduced me to a bloke she vaguely knew. He seemed nice enough, maybe not ‘my type’ physically, but he was no Quasimodo. (And let’s face it, I’m no supermodel.) We got chatting, I’d had a few gins and wanted to spend the rest of the evening with my girls, so cut to the chase and suggested we swap numbers.
He seemed keen. We walked into the quieter bar next door, swapped numbers, and that was that. He text me that night (or rather in the early hours), I text him back the next day, and within a day or so he’d asked me out for a drink.
He was 40, with a six-year-old daughter, in the police (the warning signs were there), but he’d only recently had a career change so I didn’t let him being in the Met put me off. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t exactly moist at the thought of meeting him, but I really need to get back out there so figured there was no harm in it.
He suggested Tuesday night, and rather than cancel going to Spin, I agreed but said we could meet in the pub next door after my class.
All good so far right?
And it was good. Insofar as he turned up on time. He smelt good. He had travelled half an hour or so to come over to my neck of the woods, so had made the effort. And the evening was nice.
Nice. Is nice enough? I don’t know, but it’s a good start. I felt like perhaps I was asking more questions than him and he was doing more of the talking, and there were 2 silences I felt I had to fill, which set the alarm bells ringing a bit, but maybe he’s shy, I thought. Maybe he just doesn’t give good first date.
We talked about his career. His career change. His child. His ex. I think I briefly spoke about my career, but I don’t remember him asking much about me at all. But like I said, maybe it was nerves.
We had a nice evening. Except, whoa, the body language was telling me he really wasn’t into me AT ALL. Crossed arms, not really looking at me that much, and well, I just got the impression he wasn’t feeling it/me. Which is his prerogative of course haha!
Neither of us were drinking, and I suggested we call it a night as soon as they called last orders. We walked to the car park and he walked me to my car, although to be fair, I sort of guided him that way as I didn’t think he was going to and I thought it was a bit rude not to.
Honestly, if I hadn’t have gone in for a friendly goodnight peck on the cheek, I don’t think he’d have bothered.
As soon as he got home, he sent me a text that said: “Hi, hope you got home OK. Thanks for tonight I enjoyed it, sleep well. X”
I enjoyed it. Lolz. But fair enough.
And I’ve not heard from him since.
I would like to say that’s absolutely fine, and it is of course, I clearly wasn’t his type (although why ask me out in the first place?) but I wish the self doubt hadn’t started to creep in as the week has wore on. I’ve replayed the evening out in my head several times and wondered if I said something, or did something I shouldn’t have, or whether I was fatter than he remembered, or whether I should have dressed differently … all the ‘what ifs’.
And then I gave myself a metaphorical slap around the face and reminded myself that actually, I think I’m pretty awesome, and if he can’t see that, it’s his loss. I honestly believe I’d make someone a great partner one day, I have a lot to offer, but if the chemistry isn’t there, it’s just not there. The issue isn’t with me per se, it’s not something I did or didn’t do, it just wasn’t meant to be.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow sometimes, even when you weren’t that bothered yourself, but it’s the principle. The whole ‘BUT WHYYYYYYYY DIDN’T HE LIKE ME?!’ thing. Even at 46, I still ask myself that question.
One shall chalk this one up to experience and I’m still glad I went on the date. It was a nice evening, but I do think he should have manned up and just text me the next day to say, “Sorry, you’re just not for me.” I think I’d have appreciated the honesty a lot more than him saying, “Thanks for tonight I enjoyed it,” and then complete silence. I guess I just got mildly ghosted – everything’s fine, and then suddenly NOTHING.
Meh. Onwards I guess.