As I mentioned in my last dating post, I have been given a month’s free subscription to Match.com. I thought you might like to know how it’s going.
It’s not really.
To be fair, I haven’t had the time this week to dedicate to finding a date, but someone did message me today.
So this guy was 47, and he sent me quite a long message, which in itself is unusual because most men just say hi and expect you to be impressed by their literary prowess. But this guy had gone to the trouble of saying how lovely I looked and how impressed he was with my profile. Now bearing in mind that my profile consists of one sentence, I get the feeling that he may just be sending this circular email to a lot of women. Anyway, he started wanging on about something or other but if his message and profile took my fancy, to make contact with him.
Unfortunately, his profile didn’t take my interest at all. It’s just one of those things. I didn’t fancy him or find him remotely interesting. I know that I’m an acquired taste and I don’t expect everyone to like what they see, and from the “You’re fat!” comments, they don’t. It is what it is. Now normally I just don’t reply to messages from people I’m not interested in. Quite frankly, I don’t have the time, but this guy had seemingly gone to at least some trouble of cutting and pasting so I thought I would, on this occasion, reply. It went along the lines of:
“Thanks a lot for your message I’m getting in touch. I’m really sorry, but you’re just not my type and I thought it would be fairer just to let you know. Thanks again for messaging me and good luck with your search.”
I naïvely thought that he might ‘appreciate’ my honesty and the fact that I bothered to reply because at least this way he knew where he stood.
But apparently not. He replied:
“You and everyone else here say I’m not their type. How depressing is that.”
So I asked him if he would have preferred that I hadn’t responded at all. He said, “When you don’t get a reply, you don’t feel the rejection personally.”
See now I’m confused. Whenever I haven’t replied to men, I’ve been called out for being rude and, I quote, ‘up my own arse,’ … but when I do reply I’m sending men into spiralling pits of depression!
It’s really hard knowing what to do for the best. It’s not in my nature to be mean or horrible to anyone but when it comes to online dating, normal rules don’t seem to apply.
Will I be polite and respond in future, or ignore messages from people I’m not interested in? Well sadly, I think I’ll just ignore them. I figured I was doing the right thing by being polite but apparently not. It’s a shame but it feels like men on dating sites just want it all their own way.