Winging It

Jul 3, 2013 by

don't follow me

 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Yesterday sucked giant, hairy donkey balls.  It was the kind of day when you’re glad the children are in bed, you’re in the bath and you sit and wonder, ‘How the holy fuck did I get through today?’

 

THAT.

 

It started out well enough. Dexter and I managed to avoid the train crossing gates coming down (we’re normally running late for Breakfast Club and end up having to wait for three trains to come past. THREE!)  I managed to quickly paint my nails whilst I watched Dexter walk into school.  I got to work on time and miraculously found my nails weren’t smudged at all.  (What?  It’s important!)  I even managed to get stuck into a new social media campaign for one of my clients.  Happy client = happy Kate.

 

But, to be honest, it just went downhill from there.

 

The main outcome of today?  I’m moving back in with my Dad.

 

(Love my Dad, but FFS.)

 

I have to put my house up for sale on Saturday – something I have worked hard to try and avoid but, unfortunately, I now have no choice. Having a conversation with your Dad to ask him if you can move back home aged 42, complete with child and assorted crap collected over the past 23 years, is not really a conversation I thought I’d ever be having. My Dad, to his credit, didn’t bat an eyelid and said that of course we could move in if we needed to.

 

Not really going to do wonders for my love life but there you go.

 

I’ve talked about reaching a crossroads before on my blog and yesterday was another one of those moments, and not just because of the house.  Yesterday, I also made a decision that I have not been strong enough to make for the last 18 months and it will possibly have repercussions for myself and Dexter for the rest of our lives, but sometimes you just have to do the right thing, no matter how much it hurts.

 

And it hurt. It raked up my past. Will colour our future. But yesterday was a milestone for me and I can’t quite believe where I found the strength because, quite frankly, I am totally and utterly exhausted.

 

But I think that is the thing about women. Just when you think they can’t take any more … they find the strength to say enough is enough.

 

Yesterday was that day.

 

It was a BOGOF from Dominos type of day (WITH meatballs.)  It was a ‘stay in the bath for 47 minutes’ type of day (and yes, I timed it.)  It was a ‘take a deep breath, reboot and move on’ type of day.

 

I’m rambling, sorry, but my head is all over the place at the moment.  I don’t mean to be cryptic but there are things that I don’t feel ready to talk about.   At work, I’m (mostly) professional, smart, switched on.  I get the job done goddamit.  I can’t afford to fall apart.  At home, it’s the same thing.  I’m Mum – sole carer of a nine year old, curly haired boy who still needs me.  But sometimes, just sometimes, I’d like someone to put an arm around my shoulder and tell me that everything is going to be alright.

 

Basically, I’m winging it.  Anyone else every feel like that?

 

 

 

 

Related posts:

14 Comments

  1. Blimey, that’s a lot to be dealing with! I think most of us spend at least parts of our lives winging it, some are just better at concealing it than others. I’ve certainly had times when I’ve thought ‘WTF am I doing, where the F am I going with my life’ and then other times when it seems to trot along so nicely and during those times, I wonder when it will all go tits up – glass half empty personality type! Good luck with your move, maybe see it as a launch pad rather than rock bottom.

  2. Zoe

    In October last year I got to the point where selling my house in Twickers, that I had lived in for 13 years and moving back to Isle of Wight made most sense.

    It’s been tough for me and my five year old daughter who has left the friends shed had since nought. I won’t lie and say it was easy, it still isn’t, but her and I will get through but probably not unscathed. But we will prevail.

    As will you

  3. Hitting a low point, while painful, is often the instigator of better things in my experience. Whenever it’s happened to me (and it has maybe three or four times so far)it’s been horrible in the moment but I’ve made some of my best decisions when my back has been up against a wall. I’ve come out with a better life than I had before. Without getting all airy fairy I do think things happen for a reason, you just can’t always see it straight away. In answer to your question, I think if we’re honest, we’re all winging it to a certain extent ;)

  4. Julie

    Aww Kate. I live too far away to put an arm around your shoulder so how about a virtual arm? Sometimes we have to make decisions that we don’t really want to make but sometimes they turn out far better than we ever hoped. Think about all the positives, they must outweigh the negatives or you wouldn’t be doing it. Big virtual hugs from my corner of the globe and have a virtual giant galaxy bar on me (no calories!!) xx

  5. I wing it all day every day Kate.

    Sometimes there is no reason why you suddenly discover an untapped pool of strength which, the previous day you’d never have believed it was there.
    Things get dealt with when they need to be dealt with, just when ‘the time is right’. Time, it seems, we dont always have con.trol of.

    I suspect you’re about to be catapulted into something wonderful, you just might not see what it is yet! Xxxx

  6. Sorry I’m late getting here, I’m catching up on my blog reading. I couldn’t just read and run. I wanted to offer a virtual arm around your shoulder and tell you that it will be okay, you will be okay x

  7. We’re all winging it, all the time when we’re mums, let alone single mums. xx

  8. There’s a reason for everything. Trust that it will all be for the best.

    You say your love life will suffer from moving in with your dad? Heck no! You’ll have a resident babysitter! …and someone to share housework, cooking with too. Win-win.

    Kate you rock babe! You’ll come through all of this with flying colours. As for winging it? Is there any other way? ;-)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>