Dry Humping

Apr 19, 2013 by

 

 

I had a conversation with Dexter this morning that has made my brain hurt, my ears bleed and my teeth itch.

 

I’ll set the scene.

 

I’d been awake five minutes.  Dexter was in the bathroom cleaning his teeth and I’m rubbing sleep out of my eyes and trying to put my wayward boobs back in my nightshirt.  He then starts dancing like a mentalist doing the Harlem Shake (for the 8,669th time) … whilst intermittently cleaning his teeth.

 

Then … he starts singing, “Sexy and I know it,” and dry humps the sink.

 

Now, if you’re anything like me, I hate him saying the S word – really weirds me out.  He’s only 8 but it seems that ‘that’ word is everywhere!  TV, songs … newspapers.   I’ve tried banning him from saying it but, of course, it’s just made him say it even more.  Bless him.

 

So I thought I’d talk to him about it to see what his understanding of it was.  Here goes:

 

Me:         Son, what ARE you doing?

D:            Being sexy.

Me:         Do you know what being sexy means?

D:            Yeah, it’s moving like this (does weird pole dancer-esque moves) and means having sex with someone.

 

This conversation had just taken a really awkward turn for the worse.  ‘Stay calm Kate, stay calm …’

 

Me:         Do you know what ‘having sex’ means?

D:            Yeah, it’s when a man goes behind a woman(!) and goes like this (does ‘that’ move) and dry humps her.

Me:         And what’s ‘dry humping?’

D:            This … (just jumps around a bit.)

Me:          And where did you see someone doing that?

D:            On Friends.

 

Oh.

 

Me:         Really?  What episode?

D:            Episode 26.  Monica was doing it in bed with Chandler.   (Must have missed that episode but note to self:  ban Dexter from watching Friends.)

 

Me:         Darling, I would really rather you didn’t do that.

D:            (Does it even more.)

 

I then decided that if I really went into any more detail about the whole ‘having sex’ thing, I would never make it to work on time, so I did what you should always do when your kids want to know about sex ….

 

… I changed the subject and asked him what he wanted for breakfast.

 

But I get the feeling that this particular conversation isn’t quite over with yet.

 

 

 

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12 Comments

  1. Raven

    I’m trying to not to laugh, but I’m failing, a lot!

  2. I wonder if the word ‘sex’ will bcome so passe one day that our grandchildren will use it like it’s nothing. But then what does that do to the meaning behind the word? Unless it becomes a word like ‘sick’ which used to mean sick but now means cool. (I think).

    My stepson (15 at the time) wore a shirt that had a Roxy Music cover on it with two nearly completely naked girls, nipples at my eye level. Back in my day he would have got smacked for that, but on this ocassion everyone just ighnored it. I have yet to see him dry humping anything though. Thank god.

    My teeth are itching now too.

  3. I have similar problems with my 8 year old. No dry humping but all of her knowledge on sex has come from Friends!

  4. HAHAHAHA, oh my goodness I have NEVER seen an episode of FRIENDS that involved dry humping… surely not???!
    Bless him… I’m sending Z your way when he starts asking just so you know x

    • I think D has watched some X rated version of Friends that I’m not aware of! And I’m really not sure if that’s wise … I’ll only end up telling Z the truth! :) x

  5. My 7yo picked up a copy of The Sun in a cafe once when we were with my mother who we see about twice a year – turned to Page 3 and said (loudly for the entire place to hear) ‘Look Mum, She’s Sexy.’ I had no idea he knew the word, let alone the meaning and he has never seen Friends. Do you think they pick it up by osmosis? Brilliant story by the way and only you could have a post with that title! :)

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