I had a conversation with Dexter this morning that has made my brain hurt, my ears bleed and my teeth itch.

 

I’ll set the scene.

 

I’d been awake five minutes.  Dexter was in the bathroom cleaning his teeth and I’m rubbing sleep out of my eyes and trying to put my wayward boobs back in my nightshirt.  He then starts dancing like a mentalist doing the Harlem Shake (for the 8,669th time) … whilst intermittently cleaning his teeth.

 

Then … he starts singing, “Sexy and I know it,” and dry humps the sink.

 

Now, if you’re anything like me, I hate him saying the S word – really weirds me out.  He’s only 8 but it seems that ‘that’ word is everywhere!  TV, songs … newspapers.   I’ve tried banning him from saying it but, of course, it’s just made him say it even more.  Bless him.

 

So I thought I’d talk to him about it to see what his understanding of it was.  Here goes:

 

Me:         Son, what ARE you doing?

D:            Being sexy.

Me:         Do you know what being sexy means?

D:            Yeah, it’s moving like this (does weird pole dancer-esque moves) and means having sex with someone.

 

This conversation had just taken a really awkward turn for the worse.  ‘Stay calm Kate, stay calm …’

 

Me:         Do you know what ‘having sex’ means?

D:            Yeah, it’s when a man goes behind a woman(!) and goes like this (does ‘that’ move) and dry humps her.

Me:         And what’s ‘dry humping?’

D:            This … (just jumps around a bit.)

Me:          And where did you see someone doing that?

D:            On Friends.

 

Oh.

 

Me:         Really?  What episode?

D:            Episode 26.  Monica was doing it in bed with Chandler.   (Must have missed that episode but note to self:  ban Dexter from watching Friends.)

 

Me:         Darling, I would really rather you didn’t do that.

D:            (Does it even more.)

 

I then decided that if I really went into any more detail about the whole ‘having sex’ thing, I would never make it to work on time, so I did what you should always do when your kids want to know about sex ….

 

… I changed the subject and asked him what he wanted for breakfast.

 

But I get the feeling that this particular conversation isn’t quite over with yet.

 

 

 

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